Road Trip
by ShinyShiny9
Summary: Shadow and Rouge are getting the feeling they're not in Mobius anymore . . . to be precise, they're taking a road trip on Earth! In this series of loosely connected one-shots, every day is a new adventure, but also a new chance to get into pickles. Earth is amazing, but totally new for them . . . just how many misunderstandings can two Mobians run into, anyway?
1. 1 Hitting the Road

**A/N: Well, let the silliness begin! This is going to be absolutely crazy. A while ago I had an idea for a joke about Shadow driving his motorcycle and Rouge trying to get him to slow down. Then I told it to my friends, and an hour later we had a whole bushel of ideas! So the credit for some of these ideas does belong to them.**

**Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to show Shadow and Rouge coming to Earth for a while, and seeing all the cool sights for the first time. And also being rather confused about how some things work down here!**

**Some of these one-shots will be very short and built entirely around the central joke, while others will have a bit more development and plot thrown in. Some will be in-between. But they'll all be an illustration of just _how_ many pickles two Mobians can get into on an unfamiliar planet! Things may get OOC here and there, but this is all pure silliness anyway. **

**Also, it certainly won't be all landmarks; a lot of the one-shots will focus on the intricacies of driving and road signs, and others will focus on regular Earth things like malls. If you have an idea for something you'd like Shadow and Rouge to encounter, I'm all ears! **

**And yeah, I know, most of the things that confuse Shadow and Rouge probably exist on Mobius anyway. But let's pretend they don't, at least for a while. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co, or Harley-Davidson. Nor do I own the Statue of Liberty!**

* * *

"Ow . . . whatta flight," groaned Rouge, stretching.

She and Shadow had just arrived in the U.S. of A., intending to traverse the nation on Shadow's Harley-Davidson.

Don't ask me why; this author never actually came up with a reason. Maybe they were on vacation?

The point was, they were going to traverse the nation, and Shadow was busy searching for his motorcycle in the airplane's cargo hold, much to the flight operators' displeasure.

"Well, let's go," said Shadow resignedly, tossing the Harley-Davidson out onto the tarmac and hopping aboard. Rouge hopped into the sidecar.

"Where are we, again?" asked Shadow, as he started up the motor and drove out of the airport.

"New York City!" crowed Rouge. "We should see some of the sights while we're here."

So they stopped to see the Statue of Liberty.

"What's it for?" asked Shadow, squinting across the water at the enormous green statue on an island.

"It's not _for_ anything. It's art!" snorted Rouge. "Some things _are_ purely aesthetical, Shadow."

"Well, I don't get it," grumbled Shadow. "Why would anyone want to create art of a lady standing on an island holding a torch above her head?"

"Silly," replied Rouge, rolling her eyes. "That's not a torch! That's obviously an ice cream cone. She's holding it up high so the whales in the harbor can't get it!"

"Hmm." Shadow tilted his head dubiously at the statue. "Yeah, I guess you're right."


	2. 2 Cereal and Toast

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

"Good morning!" yawned Rouge, popping out of her hotel room. They'd spent the night in a hotel before setting out in earnest.

"Let's get going," said Shadow, business as usual.

"Not until we've had breakfast!" protested Rouge.

"Rouge, we don't have time for breakfast. Or money—we have to save up if we're going to last across the whole country on what we have."

"This hotel gives a continental breakfast!" She got a blank look. "That means free!"

"We still don't have time."

"They have sugary cereal . . . " grinned Rouge tantalizingly. Shadow folded his arms.

"Do you really think you can make me change my mind just by bribing me with cereal?"

"Yes."

"And you'd be right," sighed Shadow, following Rouge down the hall.

Down in the dining area, Shadow wolfed down breakfast and shook his head impatiently at Rouge's leisurely pace. Not only did he want to get going, the curious looks the other diners were giving the two Mobians made him uncomfortable.

"This isn't a picnic, Rouge!" he complained, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Oh, hush you, and go have something else to eat," retorted Rouge. "If you stare at me any longer I'll choke."

Grumbling, Shadow wandered off to have another piece of toast.

"Hey Shadow," called Rouge, appearing next to him as he put a piece of cinnamon bread in the toaster. "Is it true that all toasters toast toast?"

"If they're functioning, yes," said Shadow.

"Wrong!" said Rouge triumphantly. "All toasters toast _bread!_ I got you!"

Shadow gave her an odd look.

"Rouge . . . "

"What?"

"No more sugary cereal for you."


	3. 3 Wind in the Wings

**A/N: This chap' doesn't really have a central joke; I just felt like doing a bit of a cute mini-drama. And kids, please don't try this at home. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

After finishing breakfast, Shadow and Rouge headed out to the parking lot. Shadow pulled out a long strap made from a thick, tan fabric, then tossed it to Rouge.

"What's this for?" asked Rouge, puzzled.

"We're going to be traveling on the highway today," said Shadow. "We'll be going much faster than the thirty-mile-an-hour cruises you've had on the motorcycle before. You probably want to tie down your wings so they don't flap behind you."

"No way," snorted Rouge. "I am _not_ going to tie down my wings—it makes me feel vulnerable. You wouldn't like it if you had your Chaos powers taken away, would you? Besides, I don't care if they flap behind me. I have good strong wings, they can take a little wind!"

"Rouge, just tie them down," said Shadow wearily.

"No way, Jose."

Shadow blinked at her resignedly.

"Okay," he said at last. "Fine. Give me that strap back."

He got onto his motorcycle and waited for Rouge to climb into the sidecar.

"By the way," he remarked. "Let me know if you see any of those little flags you can hang from radio antennae. I was thinking I'd get one for the motorcycle's antenna, as a souvenir."

"Will do," said Rouge cheerfully.

"Actually," continued Shadow, "I'd been meaning to get a little custom Team Dark flag for ages by now. I always put it off because I thought it wouldn't be worth it. You've seen how ragged and torn those things get after being on an antenna for a while . . . "

"Yeah, but I think it'd be worth it anyway," said Rouge carelessly.

Shadow looked at her for a moment, then shook his head and started up the motorcycle. Rumbling out of the parking lot, they turned onto a fairly peaceful road. Rouge smiled delightedly at the wind whisking through her hair and tugging playfully at her wings. The warm sunshine felt good on her shoulders.

"There's the highway," said Shadow darkly. He skimmed the motorcycle onto the ramp and entered the flow of traffic.

The speed limit increased, and so did Shadow's speed. He had no problem with going fast, and he just matched his pace to that of the other vehicles, since he wasn't familiar with Earth signage.

Now Rouge began to feel uncomfortable. The wind was much stronger now, due to their increased velocity, and it was beginning to tug at her wings in a manner less than pleasant. They were blowing out behind her, stretched out to their full length. Soon she began to feel a stinging, biting sensation at the edges of the thin wing membranes. It was like . . . they were getting . . .

Suddenly she understood why Shadow had been making references to torn-up antenna flags.

Oh dear.

For a while she said nothing. She was too proud to admit Shadow had been right, so she gritted her teeth and stood the pain. At the same time, though, she was frightened about what might happen if this went on for too long. Would her wing membranes be all torn and tattered and stripped away down to nothing? Was she bleeding already? It felt like it. But she wouldn't . . . say . . .

"Are you doing all right?" Shadow called suddenly, the wind snatching the words from his mouth. He was giving her a chance . . . she couldn't just lose her wings like this.

"Can we stop somewhere?" she called back. "My . . . my wings hurt."

"The next exit isn't for miles, and I don't think I'm allowed to just stop here," sighed Shadow. "Rouge, what did I tell you—"

"Oh, shut up, would you?!" The stinging in her wings was making Rouge snappish. "Can't you at least slow down? It . . . it hurts pretty bad . . . "

"I can't slow down—we're on a highway!" protested Shadow. "We'll cause an accident!"

"Oh, well fine then! You just do your own thing and forget me!" Rouge barked back.

"You think you could maybe tie them down now?" asked Shadow, ignoring her short temper.

"No! Not while we're moving this fast, I can't reach my wings! They're too far back, and I can't fold them on my own!" called Rouge, feeling despair clawing its way down her throat.

"I'll tie 'em down then," sighed Shadow.

"What?!"

Before Rouge could say any more, Shadow had produced the wing strap from some invisible pocket. Suddenly he took his hands off the motorcycle handlebars, leaned way back in his seat, and put one foot up on the left handlebar to steer, while deftly twisting the upper half of his body sideways and grabbing Rouge's wings. Swiftly, expertly, he slipped the wing strap over her head, behind her neck, around her wings, under her arms—oh _heavens!_—and tied the ends into a firm knot. Then he swung lightly back upright and resumed driving.

It was a while before Rouge remembered there was such a thing as breathing. When she had regained the ability to both breathe and speak with some coherence, she gave Shadow a death glare.

"I swear, if you weren't driving this thing right now, I would slap you," she growled.

"That's all the thanks I get?" asked Shadow, smirking slightly. "I did try to warn you."

"You should have forced me! I don't even know how much of my wings I've lost by now!"

"You weren't even bleeding yet."

"Oh . . . " Rouge subsided, embarrassed. She should have known better; Shadow wouldn't just stand by and let her get hurt. She had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't pushed the matter because he'd _hoped_ to have to tie her wings down while doing seventy on the highway, but one way or the other he wouldn't have let her be injured.

Also, one way or the other, she was going to fix him good.


	4. 4 Going by the Numbers

**A/N: I know this is a pretty old joke, but I thought I'd give it a twist! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson. **

* * *

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Rouge anxiously, as Shadow bent over the handlebars of his motorcycle.

"I'm obeying the signs, Rouge," retorted Shadow. "Unlike that speeding guy behind us."

"What a showoff," grumbled Rouge, glancing back at the car rapidly gaining on them. "I mean, I'm all for flair in presentation, but why stick lights and sirens all over your car? That's overdoing it!"

The driver seemed to be approaching them ever faster, however. As he drew level with them, Rouge glanced over in his direction. Suddenly she gulped.

"Uh . . . Shadow . . . it says 'Police' . . . "

Five minutes later, the hedgehog-sized Harley-Davidson had been pulled over.

"Listen, buddy," growled the police officer. "What do you think you're doing driving at that speed? You'll cause a collision!"

"I was obeying the signs, officer," said Shadow tightly. "It said 44, and that's how fast I was going."

"You're not from around these parts, are you?" asked the officer, relaxing and smiling slightly. "I guess I could have guessed that from your looks."

"We're fresh offa Mobius," said Rouge quickly, hoping to keep them both out of trouble.

"Well, I dunno what kind of signs they have on Mobius, but that's not a speed limit sign. That's the number of the highway. This is Highway 44."

"They have numbers?" said Shadow with interest. "Then how do I know how fast to go?"

"There are different signs telling you the speed limit," said the police officer. "Here, hold on."

He fished in the backseat of his police cruiser and pulled out a small booklet.

"That has all the driving info you'll ever need to know," he said. "Read up on that, and hopefully you'll stay in one piece. It'll clue ya in on safe driving techniques. Stay safe, ya'll."

He turned to head back to his cruiser. Suddenly he turned back, however.

"Say," he said. "You didn't just happen to come off Highway 121, did ya?"

"No, no," said Shadow, climbing back onto his motorcycle resignedly.

"Glad to hear that," chuckled the officer, and drove away.

"Yeah . . . good thing you kept your mouth shut," sighed Rouge. "I told you there was something fishy about that 299."

"Well, I listened, didn't I?" snorted Shadow, powering up the motorcycle. "Heck, I don't even know if I can hit 299 miles per hour."

"Don't try. We don't have to be branded as criminals on this planet too, you know. How about some safe driving for a change?"

"Safe driving," muttered Shadow. "And how exactly am I to do that?"

"You heard the officer. Read the little book, and it'll help you drive safely."

"Oh yeah? Well then, answer me this one."

"What?"

"If I have to read this thing to drive safely, how the dickens am I supposed to keep my eyes on the road?"


	5. 5 Leaving No Doubts

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson!**

* * *

Refueling Shadow's Harley-Davidson was not an easy task. The motorcycle was a lot shorter than your average bike, and the fuel intake pipe was rather too small for most Earth fuel nozzles. Shadow often had to perform assorted mystical incantations to get any gasoline into the tank at all.

While he was busy refueling one day, cursing under his breath as fuel dripped down the side of the bike and all over the tarmac, Rouge undid her wing strap and perched on top of the fueling station, eyeing a nearby gathering. A gang of bikers had evidently stopped to eat at the gas station's restaurant, and Rouge watched everything with her sharp, all-noticing spy-trained eyes. She noticed every detail of the bike gang: the stocky, leather-clad, muscle-bound men, dressed in leather and chains and tattoos, the tough, sultry-looking women with dyed and wind-whipped hair, piercings and a half-inch of makeup, more leather and chains and tattoos. She noticed how the crowd seemed rough and noisy and dangerous. She noticed how other, normal-looking people stayed a good distance away, averting their eyes and looking inconspicious.

At length she turned her eyes the other way and surveyed herself and Shadow . . . .

"Come on, that's all the fuel I'm going to be able to get," sighed Shadow, tossing the fuel nozzle back into its place annoyedly. "Rouge, you know the routine."

Sighing, Rouge hopped down and flapped over to be at eye level with the price meter. It pained them both to admit it . . . but they were too short to read the display from the ground. Shadow tossed up a twenty-dollar bill, and Rouge paid with cash.

"We should get a credit card," muttered Shadow, closing the fuel tank and mounting the bike again.

"Shadow," said Rouge quietly, leaning against the fuel tower. "I've just realized . . . we look . . . _almost_ like bikers."

"We are bikers," said Shadow.

"No, not just people on a bike—I mean _bikers_ bikers," said Rouge, looking troubled. "Look at those guys. They're tough and dark and scary-looking. But you look just like that tall dyed-hair guy over there, except without a leather jacket or tattoos!"

"You're one to talk," snorted Shadow. "Look at yourself."

Rouge looked at herself. Tight black outfit, scruffy short hair, thick layer of makeup . . . she did look almost like she belonged in that biker gang herself. Her ears sagged.

"What are we going to do?" she asked. "We're going to be driving around, and people will be thinking, 'Are those two a couple of scary bikers?' I don't want that!"

"Well, only one thing _to_ do," said Shadow, swinging one leg over his bike to sit on it sideways. "We have to fix up our appearance so that people don't have those kinds of doubts anymore."

"Yeah, you're right," said Rouge, brightening. "Let's get to it! I wonder where you can get a hair job and some piercings."

"Presumably the same place we could get some chains and tattoos," grinned Shadow.

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry, they're only kidding. Uh . . . at least I hope so. XD**


	6. 6 Signs of the Times

**A/N: This is the one that started it all! They actually do program light-up road signs to say something like this, when there's no traffic conditions to announce. Either that or "Buckle Up, It's the Law." Which, sadly, wouldn't work on a motorcycle, because they don't have seat belts. Nor do school buses.**

**Like the newspaper headline once said: Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted. (o_O)**

**Anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

That encounter with the policeman did not have permanent effects. Shadow figured out the concept of speed limits, but evidently for the sole purpose of breaking them.

"Seriously," called Rouge, clinging to the front of the motorcycle sidecar. "Don't you think you're going too fast?"

"Whatever," said Shadow.

"Oh come on, you have to drive carefully!"

"Says who?"

Rouge stewed for a minute, then noticed a big flashing highway sign.

"Says that sign!" she piped. "Look, it says 'DRIVE SAFELY PA'."

"Big deal," snorted Shadow. "That sign isn't meant for us. It says 'Drive safely, Pa.' It's a warning for fathers to drive safely, probably so they don't hurt their kids."

"Oh, honestly," snorted Rouge.

"Well, it's so," retorted Shadow.

Presently they crossed the state line. Rouge saw another sign. This one said "DRIVE SAFELY MD."

"See, they're still telling you to drive safely!" she persisted.

"They're not telling me anything of the sort. It says, 'Drive safely, M.D.' They want doctors to drive safely."

"You're kidding me! Shadow, you're just worming out of it."

"I'll slow down if and when I see a sign that actually applies to me."

Rouge growled. At the rate they were going, they soon crossed a state line yet again. Rouge saw yet another flashing sign.

"Shadow, look! 'DRIVE SAFELY VA.' Worm out of that one, why don't you!"

Shadow glanced over at her blandly.

"Veterans' Association," he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Rouge exploded.

"Okay, I see! You're never going to act like a reasonable person and slow down, never! You're just too good to listen to anybody, aren't you!"

Shadow smirked calmly.

"Like I said. None of these signs really apply to me. I'm not a father, or a doctor, or a member of the Veterans' Association. When I see a sign that definitely applies to me, then I will follow it."

"Yeah, right. You'll worm out of anything," muttered Rouge sullenly. Shadow could be the most annoying creature on the planet when he chose to be.

Presently, however, they passed not one but two flashing highway signs, set up right next to each other. Rouge smirked and gave Shadow a triumphant look, while he growled in baffled defeat.

The signs read, "SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG, SLOW THAT FREAKING MOTORCYCLE DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Shadow was a man of his word, at least. He slowed down.


	7. 7 Picnic

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Swiss Rolls! And also, no offense to park rangers, I have the highest respect for them. That one just happened to be a little near-sighted. :P**

**Oh, and there's an EXTREMELY sneaky reference to a song hidden in this story. Can you find it? (I don't own the song, of course!)**

* * *

"It's just wrong," grumbled Rouge as they drove along. "It's just sad and depressing and wrong!"

"Well, what do you expect?" Shadow grumbled back. "Nothing I'm not used to."

"But we didn't do anything wrong! It was them mistreating us! It's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair, Rouge."

It had all started when they stopped in that picnic area.

"Can we stop for lunch soon?" Rouge had asked hopefully. They'd been driving all morning, and were now proceeding through a lovely forest.

"We can eat later," Shadow had said.

"Oh, come on! This is the nicest place to stop for lunch we're ever going to find, it'd be a shame to miss it."

"National park, isn't it," remarked Shadow, looking around. It _was_ rather pretty. "Well, I guess we can stop for a little while. Just long enough to eat, though!"

They found a picnic area and parked the motorcycle, then clambered up onto the bench of a picnic table, unwrapping some store-bought sandwiches and some pastries they'd "liberated" from a hotel's continental breakfast. Continental breakfasts, they both agreed, were the greatest.

"What a nice family over there," remarked Rouge, glancing at a nearby family sitting on a picnic blanket. The parents ate cheerfully and watched the two little children, who were frolicking on the grass and squealing as they blew at dandelions.

"I wonder if they'd let us eat with them?" asked Shadow thoughtfully.

Rouge stared at him blankly.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Shadow honey, are you feeling quite yourself?" asked Rouge kindly, feeling Shadow's forehead. Unamused, he pushed her hand away.

"I'm not sick. What, I can't look for a little company now and then?"

"Not when you're you, you can't," retorted Rouge. "Are you _really_ Shadow?" She began to tug at his right ear suspiciously. "I wouldn't be surprised if someone slipped me an android form when I wasn't looking."

"Not. Funny. And let go of my ear!" Shadow jerked free. "I tell you I'm not sick, or an android! They have Swiss Rolls."

"Ohhhhhhh," said Rouge, facepalming. "Yeah, you're Shadow all right."

"Oh, ha and ha again," retorted Shadow, getting down from the picnic bench. "Don't worry, I intend to trade for them!"

"Gold-digger," teased Rouge, gathering up her lunch and following him.

The family was a little surprised at seeing the two Mobians, but quickly warmed to the concept and was happy to let them sit together with them. The two children, one boy and one girl, came over to watch Shadow and Rouge with wide eyes.

"Tommy, Gina, it's not polite to stare," warned their mother gently. "You're making them uncomfortable."

Tommy and Gina, however, refused to back down. Tommy reached out one hand and stroked Rouge's wing wonderingly.

"Tommy . . . "

"No, it's all right!" smiled Rouge. "They're really sweet youngsters, and so well-behaved! I know the two of us are kind of a new thing for them."

Meanwhile, Shadow was keeping a close eye on the Swiss Rolls when he was suddenly distracted by a gentle tugging on his elbow. He looked down to find Gina's wide eyes gazing up into his own. For a second he could've sworn he was looking at Cream the Rabbit.

"Mister," said the little girl in puzzlement. "Why did you dye your hair like that?"

"It's not dye. My quills were always this color, ever since I was born," said Shadow awkwardly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rouge quickly hiding a smile behind her sandwich.

"Ohh," said Gina in a knowing way. "You mean your mommy dyed your quills for you?"

"Uhh . . . no . . . " said Shadow, feeling his muzzle grow warm. Enough with the questions already!

"Oh, so your daddy dyed them," said Gina, fully understanding the situation now. "Yeah, I guess daddies would rather do things like that. Was your mommy mad?"

"Uhhh . . . " said Shadow blankly.

Rouge had been trying very hard to keep a straight face all this time, but now she couldn't help but give a little sneeze of laughter. The kids' parents started to laugh too, while Shadow blushed furiously, but eventually relented and gave a rueful smirk.

"Yeah, I guess you could say my dad dyed them for me," he conceded, ever so gently tugging one of Gina's pigtails. "My mom never seemed to mind."

It was a sweet moment, quiet and peaceful and happy, with a bit of lunch and some good company. Maybe moments like this are against the laws of the universe, because it seems like something always comes to ruin them. In this case, the calm was shattered most cruelly, by a tall uniformed man striding into the picnic area. He caught sight of the picnickers and stood stiff with indignation.

"Hey, you!" he bellowed furiously. "It's strictly against the rules to feed the animals!"

* * *

"Animals," murmured Rouge sadly, leaning her chin on her hands as the motorcycle continued to whiz down the highway. "Why do they call us animals?"

"In a way, we are," shrugged Shadow. "What, don't tell me it gets to you?"

"Kinda . . . We get treated like we don't have any brains or free wills of our own, just because we have fur and muzzles and pointy ears?"

"Them's the breaks," said Shadow stoically. "But if they treat us like animals, we oughta give 'em what they expect. I still say you should have let me bite that ranger guy."

"Do you feel inclined to be locked in a rabies facility and put down?"

"No . . . "

"Then you will not bite any ranger guys."

"Then you bite 'em," said Shadow sullenly. "Somebody's got to."

"Besides, you scared him enough when you started to talk suddenly. And wasn't it awesome of that family to stand up for us the way they did? You're always saying you have no patience for humans, but not all humans are like that one guy."

"Yeah, but most are. But I knew that family was a good bunch the minute I saw them."

"How?"

"They had Swiss Rolls."

"You need help," said Rouge wearily.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, just to clarify: when Shadow said his dad had dyed his quills for him, he meant that the gene for red stripes came from Black Doom. As to his "mom" never minding, he meant Maria. I figure she was kind of like a mom to him, during his first few days. :)**


	8. 8 I'm Off to Join the Circus

**A/N: This is a requested one-shot for Fanfic productions! Enjoy. :)**

**Also, the reference in the last chapter was to a Bon Jovi song called "It's My Life." Remember the kids were called Tommy and Gina? They're in the song too. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Buick.**

* * *

"I told you that gravel road was a bad idea," sighed Rouge. She and Shadow were walking on either side of the motorcycle, pushing it along by the handlebars—its front tire was flat. "Really now. And next to a construction site, too!"

"Well, how was I to know that construction workers fling nails about like rice at a wedding?"

"They don't. There was _one_ nail, Shadow the Hedgehog. And you had talent enough to find it."

"Ah, well," grumbled Shadow. "They don't call me the Ultimate for nothing."

Rouge tried to look annoyed, but failed.

At length they made it to a mechanic. To their dismay, the fellow most certainly did _not_ have any tires that would fit a hedgehog-sized motorcycle. He was so fascinated by their little vehicle, however, that he agreed to try cobbling something together. Shadow, uneasy at the idea of somebody "cobbling" his bike, insisted he had to be involved with the procedure.

While assorted clangings and smashings rang out from the mechanic's garage, Rouge perched on the hood of a battered Buick and spread her wings to the warm sun. She surveyed her surroundings lazily. There were many broken-down cars in the lot, and many mechanic's assistants buzzing around them with wrenches. There were also a couple of human-sized motorcycles, an RV, a school bus, a biker gang . . .

Rouge's ears twitched in mild surprise. Wasn't that the same biker gang she and Shadow had seen at that gas station a while ago? Interesting coincidence. Were they traversing the nation too?

Rouge continued to bask in the sun, but she did notice that the bikers seemed to be eyeing her a good deal more than was normal. Being used to admiring glances (though not from humans), she largely ignored them.

To her surprise, several of the bikers soon approached her. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she folded back her wings and adjusted her boots, just in case. She was not exactly what you'd call intimidated, but being a G.U.N. agent taught her to take no chances.

"Morning fellas," she said lightly. "What's the story?"

"What are you?" asked one of the guys bluntly.

"I'm a bat," replied Rouge. "What are _you?_ William Shatner?"

The guy ignored the question.

"How come you can talk?" he asked gruffly.

"I learned it from my parents when I was little," said Rouge sweetly. "It's not really that much of a trick. I mean, even you're doing it!"

The biker scowled down at her irately.

"Where's that other critter? The one you were with back at the gas station?"

"In there." Rouge jabbed her thumb at the mechanic's shop. "Why? You want him?"

One of the biker ladies spoke up this time.

"We were just wondering if you'd be interested in going to the circus."

"What's a circus?"

"It's a big show, with clowns and acrobats and stuff."

"Interesting," said Rouge. "I'd love to, but we can't come till Shadow's bike is fixed. Can you guys wait a little bit?"

"No, we have to leave now. The show starts soon. You could come with us alone, you know."

Rouge tilted her head thoughtfully at the bikers. Something didn't seem quite right, but she shrugged it off.

"Well, okay. Just let me go tell Shadow that I'm going with you guys."

She hopped down from the Buick's hood and turned to head into the mechanic's shop. Suddenly a rough burlap sack was thrust over her, then rapidly tied shut.

"Hey!" she growled, as the sack was turned right-side-up—which meant _she_ was upside-down. "What kind of a stunt is this?"

Her voice was muffled by the cloth; the bikers quickly hustled her back to where they had parked their motorcycles. One of them slung the sack over the back of his motorcycle, and they all quickly jumped on their bikes and took off.

Rouge didn't try to struggle. She wasn't really scared, just annoyed, and she knew struggling inside a sack would only make her tired. Instead, she paid careful attention to the motions of the bike so she could memorize where they turned, and kept her ears wide open.

"This ought to fetch a pretty sum from the circus management," grinned the guy whose bike she was on. "Imagine how they could bill this! 'Giant talking albino bat! Really understands what it says!' They could have people ask it questions."

"I am not an it," growled Rouge from the back. "I'm not even an albino! Albinos have red eyes. But if I get any madder, I swear I may just get a pair of red eyes!"

"I dunno, Bill," called another voice. "Maybe we should have checked if it was a real bat before we caught it. Do you think it might be a robot or some short lady in a fursuit?"

"They don't make robots that good," scoffed Bill. "And that's no fursuit. You saw her back at the gas station, she could really fly!"

"Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence," said a voice directly in his ear. He whirled around (dangerous when driving a motorbike) and found himself facing an irate Rouge. She was standing easily on the back of his bike, her arms folded over the shreds of the burlap sack.

"How the—"

"I'm a spy," snorted Rouge. "I _always_ carry a file with me. Now then."

She spread her wings to catch the breeze and took off lightly, flapping high out of reach. Then she landed in a field at the side of the road and dusted herself off nonchalantly.

"She's getting away!" bellowed one of the bikers. The whole gang screeched their bikes to a halt at the roadside and charged at Rouge. She tilted her head at them curiously, then danced easily out of the way. They charged at her again, and she darted away again.

After being led in loops and spirals for a while, the gang realized they had better change tactics. They endeavored to surround the bat. This is a good idea when you're chasing just about anything—except, perhaps, a bat. Rouge looked around seriously.

"Oh gee, I'm surrounded," she remarked to no one in particular, as the bikers charged from every direction. "Oh well. Nowhere to go but up!"

She shot into the air, causing a rather violent collision back on the ground.

"Easy now, don't hurt yourselves," she warned sweetly, touching back down. "Stop with the brawling, now! Act civilized."

The one called Bill managed to detach himself from the melee and lunged at her.

"I'm losing my patience," sighed Rouge, kicking him back and sending him reeling into the other bikers. She folded her arms in an unimpressed manner as the brawl intensified.

"I have to say," she grinned. "You've hyped this circus thingy up a little too much. I'll grant the clown part is good, but you guys are _lousy_ acrobats."

Nobody seemed to hear her. Shaking her head, Rouge took off and headed back to the mechanic's.

When Shadow finally emerged from the garage, wheeling his newly repaired motorcycle, he found Rouge dozing peacefully on the Buick's hood.

"Bored, huh?" he remarked.

"Bored right out of my skull," she agreed, smiling drowsily.


	9. 9 The CLAW

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson! And I certainly don't own Wal-Mart. Now there's a mind-blowing concept. o_O**

* * *

Food was a day-to-day concern when traversing the nation on a motorbike. They had absolutely no luggage, because they had nowhere to keep it. Well, Rouge had a large sort of purse-type bag that she kept in the sidecar with her, but that was all. When they were hungry, they had to find a restaurant or grocery store and get food there.

One day they were checking out some frozen fishsticks from a supermarket. In case you're wondering how they planned to eat frozen fishsticks while on a roadtrip, let me inform you that the Harley-Davidson had just overheated. Put two and two together. Rouge had been joking bitterly, but Shadow took her literally.

At any rate, they were getting fishsticks. As they were leaving, Rouge noticed a large claw-grabber game, the kind that's always filled with stuffed toys.

"Shadow, wait! Stuffed animals!" she said eagerly.

"Don't tell me you want one," said Shadow.

"Not for me—I promised Cream I would bring her back a stuffed animal from Earth!" Rouge pressed her face against the glass window of the machine. "Cream would just love that pink-and-purple teddy bear over there."

"How much for it?" asked Shadow dubiously. Rouge squinted, but didn't see any price on the bear. She looked all over the machine, figuring that the price must be posted out there. At last she found the button next to the coin slot.

"Only fifty cents!" she said gleefully. "That's a real steal!"

"Well, all right," sighed Shadow, dropping fifty cents into the slot. He pushed open the door at the bottom of the machine and tried to reach in, but found that opening the door blocked him from reaching the stuffed toys.

"What the heck?" he asked irately.

"Look!" cried Rouge. "The claw's moving!"

Indeed, the shiny metal claw in the machine had started to move on its own. It slid out to the center of the glass cage, then dropped down into the sea of stuffed animals, grabbing at nothing. Then it rose, slid over to a chute, and opened, dropping its nonexistent payload.

"Oh no," groaned Shadow. "It's one of those gimmick machines."

"How's that?"

"Don't you remember that time we were in that Wal-Mart? There was a gumball machine that sent the coin on all kinds of crazy loops and elevators and things before it would give you a gumball. It was a gimmick. People would buy gumballs just to see the coin rolling around. Well, this device makes you pick up the stuff with a claw instead of just grabbing it with your hands. I suppose they think that will increase business."

"Cool," smiled Rouge, and began twisting the joystick on the machine. She grinned delightedly as the claw slid out again. "Okay, now that bear will be mine!" she declared, navigating the claw to the bear, then pressing the release button. The claw grabbed at the brightly-colored toy, but slipped as it rose and again dropped nothing down the chute.

"Oh . . . " said Rouge surprisedly. She tried to navigate the claw again, but now it wouldn't budge.

"I think fifty cents only gets you two tries," she said, glancing at Shadow. Sighing, he dropped in another fifty cents.

"All right, now let me try," he sighed. "You must have done something wrong. If it has a trigger, I can master it."

He navigated the claw deftly into place and released it—but again it slipped right off the bear as it rose.

"Riiiiight," said Rouge drily.

"It must be broken," grumbled Shadow. "Figures. I'm not going to pay any more for this, we already paid twice for one stupid bear. Guess I'll have to do this the easy way. Chaos . . . Control!"

He vanished with a flash of light, then reappeared inside the glass cage, knee-deep in stuffed animals. He waded over to the purple-and-pink bear and and grabbed it.

However, he had forgotten that the machine allowed two tries for every fifty cents, and he had only used one. The claw again slid out to the center of the machine and dropped, seizing him by one of the quills.

"Hey!" he protested, as the claw began to tug at his quill obliviously. It didn't get very far before slipping right off again, though. Shadow stood briefly and gave the receding claw a dirty look. Then he muttered "Chaos Control!" again and transported to the outside of the claw machine.

"Here," he scowled at Rouge, shoving the stuffed animal into her hands. "Take your darn bear."

"Aww, thanks Shadow," she smiled. "I'll be sure to tell Cream about all the trouble you went to to get it."

"Don't you _dare_."

"And I can exaggerate it a little if you want. I could make it forty giant chomping metal claws, able to crush cars in a single bite, and you just faught them all off like they were—"

"Rouge, you will keep your mouth shut," warned Shadow, turning to leave. "And I'm changing my mind."

"About what?" asked Rouge.

"Well, since we paid for two animals, I picked up another one," shrugged Shadow. "I was going to give you this as well, but—"

Rouge quickly snatched the little stuffed penguin out of Shadow's hand. It had a teal back instead of a black one, and it was wearing a somewhat whacked-out grin, but it was indubitably cute.

"Ohhh, it's adorable!" Rouge cooed. "Thank you!"

"I figured maybe Marine or Charmy would like it—I know Tails isn't much into stuffed animals," Shadow said over his shoulder.

"Oh," said Rouge, her face falling slightly. "Well, no way. I'm going to keep it!"

"Aren't you a little old for stuffed animals?" asked Shadow drily.

"Depends on the circumstances," replied Rouge loftily.

"Circumstances?" muttered Shadow.

Rouge shook her head. Oh, you clueless hedgehogs.


	10. Toll

**A/N: Requested one-shot for starfiction123! Enjoy. :)**

**As to the signs at the end, I've seen ones like this on turnpikes, where they have emergency phones alongside the road.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or EZ-Pass.**

* * *

"What's a turnpike?" asked Rouge, pointing at a sign they were driving past.

"I have no idea. We'll find out soon enough."

"And what are _those_ things? Some kind of little houses?"

"In the middle of the road? I doubt it."

"And why are some people stopping, and some people just driving past them?"

"Rouge, I know about as much as you do. Stop the questions!"

"What about that sign?" persisted Rouge. "'Stop; Pay Toll.' What's that mean?"

"Maybe somebody just doesn't know how to spell 'troll'," muttered Shadow.

"I thought they didn't have trolls on this planet."

"Well, not the mythical kind, anyway."

The little houses had lanes between them. Some had signs saying "Cash Only," while others said "EZ-Pass." After some consideration, Shadow drove into one saying "Cash Only."

"I wonder why you have to pay this 'toll'," he muttered. "And how much?"

"There's that label saying 'Stop; Take Ticket'," offered Rouge.

Shadow eyed the ticket, then pulled it out of the slot.

"There's prices," he said puzzledly, surveying the little chart printed on the ticket. "What _is_ all this? Where do we pay?"

"People are getting stuck behind us," said Rouge, as a car horn honked. Sighing, Shadow pulled the motorcycle over to the side of the road.

The two of them were still puzzling over the ticket when a worker came over to see what the problem was.

"Can I help you?" he asked cheerfully.

Rouge looked up.

"Oh, you must be Toll! What do we owe you?"

It took a while for things to be sorted out. Shadow wasn't too enamored with the idea of paying just to drive on a road, but they went along with it, since they already had their ticket. Once they were on the turnpike, however, a new problem arose.

"Oh, dang it with these signs!" groaned Rouge. "Do you think they're serious?"

"It doesn't look like a fake sign," sighed Shadow. "I think it's legit state-issued sign. But I still say we ignore 'em."

"I don't feel like getting in trouble with the police!" said Rouge. "Do you suppose we're misinterpreting it somehow?"

"'Phone every half-mile.' How exactly are we to misinterpret that?" asked Shadow wearily. "All right. If they say to phone, we'll phone. I wonder what people do when they don't have cell phones . . . "

They continued down the highway.

"Half-mile," announced Shadow. Rouge pulled out the cell phone they shared.

"Well, maybe I can call home, at least."


	11. Homesick Already?

**A/N: Okay, first of all, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who's been reading, especially those who review, follow, or fave! You guys are the best. :)**

**Also, here's a question for y'all! In a couple of chapters, I'm going to be doing a one-shot that has a little bit of optional fluff at the end. Does anyone want the fluff to be included? The default will be to post the chapter minus fluff, but if anyone wants it, I'll put up the uncut version. Or if someone really really hates fluff with a passion, well, I'll take that into account too. Let me know what you'd like!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

It wasn't what you'd consider a landmark, but Shadow and Rouge seemed very interested. They'd been sitting at the recycling center for an hour by now, watching the machinery at work.

The whole plant was abuzz with noise. Conveyor belts carried mounds of recycling along, while giant magnets hummed overhead, pulling out all the metal objects. Enormous machines opened gaping maws to receive piles of the scrap, then contracted with a horrific screeching and crunching, then spat out terrifyingly small cubes of compacted metal. Glass bottles and jars smashed loudly as they were tumbled down to a melting bin, where they dissolved rapidly into a steaming ooze of liquid glass. Plastic tumbled more quietly into another bin, where it met a similar fate. The whole affair was loud and violent and potentially terrifying, but the two Mobians just sat there and gazed around at it in silence.

At length a worker noticed how long they'd been sitting there.

"Hey, you!" he said roughly, as he passed by. "This isn't an art exhibit! Get going, now!"

Reluctantly, Shadow and Rouge got up to leave. Before walking out the door, Rouge cast one last glance over her shoulder. She sighed.

"Omega would have loved this . . . "


	12. Hedge-Road-hogs

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson. **

* * *

It was a great day to be on the highway, sunny and breezy and glorious. Rouge twitched her nose happily and peered around at the scenery as Shadow maneuvered deftly around a couple of automobiles. He was keeping a sharp eye out. The Harley-Davidson was small, and easy to miss if you weren't paying attention to the road.

"Look out!" yelped Rouge suddenly, pointing. Shadow carved hard to the left as a red sedan nearly plowed into them.

"Road-hog!" bellowed the guy driving the sedan.

"Your fault!" Shadow shouted back, not in the least daunted. "And I'm a hedgehog!"

"Shadow, don't you even dare," hissed Rouge, as Shadow's speed picked up slightly. "There'll be no drag-racing if I have anything to say about—"

"Road-hog!" bellowed the guy in the red sedan again.

"Hedgehog!" Shadow shouted back firmly. Reluctantly he slowed his pace, keeping at a normal speed. But the guy in the red sedan evidently would have none of this. He slowed as well, and began to swerve slightly out of his lane.

"Is he trying to ram us off the road?" gulped Rouge, clutching the edges of the sidecar.

"Jerk," muttered Shadow. He edged more towards the left side of his lane for safety, keeping a careful eye on the red sedan's owner.

"Road-hog!" bellowed the man one more time, swerving his car yet again.

"For the last time, you variegated porpoise!" Shadow snapped back, losing his temper. "I'm a HEDGEHOG!"

"Road—" began the man, then was suddenly cut off by a smashing and screeching of brakes.

"Not only is his English terrible, but his driving is just horrific," sighed Shadow, watched the red sedan plow straight off a curve, through the guardrail, and into a ditch.

"Maybe we should help him," said Rouge anxiously.

Shadow pulled over the motorcycle and jet-skated back to the site of the crash, with Rouge flapping by his side. They got to the car, which was badly smashed and had flames licking out from under the hood. Shadow tugged at the door handle; it was stuck. Grimly he pried his fingers into the crack next to the car door, then wrenched it right off its hinges. Rouge dove into the car, ripped off the unconscious driver's seatbelt, and pulled him to a safe distance.

The red sedan continued to burn gloriously as Shadow checked the guy for injuries and Rouge called 911.

"Hmm, his head is a little battered up, and I don't like the looks of this arm, but he'll live all right," said Shadow. "Karma bit this guy a little strongly, huh?"

"Poor idiot," sighed Rouge. "Here, let me have a look at his head."

As she was bending over the fellow and gently feeling at his skull, he suddenly regained consciousness.

"Oh, you're up!" said Rouge cheerfully. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. There ought to be an ambulance here soon."

The man blinked up at her woozily.

"Are you . . . are you an angel?" he mumbled.

Shadow slapped his forehead.

"Okay, this guy seriously has problems identifying species."

"Actually, this time he's right," said Rouge sweetly.

"Oh, good _grief_."


	13. The World's Strangest Parking Meter

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

"Rouge, I tell you, I'm through with national parks," grumbled Shadow.

"Oh, come on. This is the _Grand Canyon!_ They know about it all the way back on Mobius, we have to see it in person!"

Grumbling, Shadow pulled over. He and Rouge wandered over to a scenic overlook near the parking lot.

"Dang, I told you this was a bad idea," scowled Shadow. "It's bad enough that there's those blasted parking meter things everywhere we try to park the motorcycle. Now this!"

"Are you sure it's a parking meter?" asked Rouge dubiously, surveying the coin-operated binocular machine before them. "It's the funniest-looking parking meter I've ever seen."

"Well, we're leaving. I don't feel like paying a parking fee just to stand here and stare into a ditch."

"It's not a ditch," snorted Rouge. "Come on, just a few minutes! Don't pay the meter if you don't want to."

"Paying a nickel for the meter is cheaper than paying the fine," growled Shadow, dropping a nickel into the binoculars' coin slot.

"Wait, how much time does that buy us?" asked Rouge.

"I don't know, there's no display on this thing."

"Maybe you can look at it through those two holes?"

"Darnedest parking meter I ever saw," grumbled Shadow, climbing up onto the little ladder for children, standing on his toes (three feet tall, y'know?), and squinting into the device's holes. He fell silent suddenly and didn't move.

"Rouge," he said at length, swiveling the device back and forth. "It's binoculars."

"I knew there was a catch," laughed Rouge. "Here, lemme see!"

Shadow jumped down from the little ladder and let her climb up for a look.

"Wowwww . . . that's one pretty view. Hm, it almost looks like . . . " Rouge trailed off, then stiffened slightly. "Shadow, there's a message from G.U.N. on the canyon wall!"

"What? Let me look," said Shadow, nudging Rouge aside. She teetered on the edge of the stepladder and fell off.

"You're right, there is a message down there," said Shadow, just before Rouge shoved him off the stepladder.

"Hey! _Rouge!_"

"Now we're even," retorted Rouge, clambering up again. "Let me see, it says—oh dang, this thing ran out of nickels!"

"What kind of a message is that?" asked Shadow impatiently.

"No, the binoculars. They suddenly blacked out," grumbled Rouge.

"We're going through nickels like water here," sighed Shadow, dropping another one in the slot. Taking turns squinting through the viewfinders (and clinging hard to the binocular post so they wouldn't fall off again), they deciphered the message. The Earth branch of G.U.N. had an unexpected emergency mission for them, and wanted them to come to the rendezvous point immediately. It was at the bottom of the canyon.

"How do we get down there?" asked Rouge, peering over the edge of the scenic overlook. "I mean, I can fly, but I don't know if I could carry you that far down. Besides, people will be suspicious if they see us heading down into the canyon. We have to keep the meeting place a secret!" She paused thoughtfully. "Do you think we could take one of those guided tours to the bottom?"

"Much too slow. And much too expensive," replied Shadow. "We need some kind of excuse, that's all. Some reason so people don't get suspicious about us heading down there."

"Done," piped Rouge. She pulled out their cell phone and deftly tossed it over the edge.

"Whoops!" she sang. "I think I dropped my phone down there."

"Well, guess we'll have to go down to look for it," sighed Shadow, and swung right over the wall after the phone. Rouge dove down after him.

"By the way, that's the worst excuse ever," hissed Shadow under his breath as he free-fell to the bottom of the canyon. "Way to keep a low profile! Not _everyone_ can just jump down a mile-deep canyon, you know!"

"They can't?" asked Rouge innocently.

"Also, you just smashed our cell phone," growled Shadow, powering up his rocket shoes to slow the last few seconds of his fall. He landed gently on the canyon floor, right next to the cell phone. It was intact.

"G.U.N.-issue phone," chirped Rouge. "Now let's get to the rendezvous point!"

* * *

**A/N: By the way, I have no clue what the mission was all about. But since it's the Earth division of G.U.N., I like to think that Topaz was there too. The friendship she and Rouge had in Sonic X was really cute. Speaking of, Topaka (Topaz x Tanaka) is probably the cutest couple Sonic X could possibly have ever devised. So sue me, they're adorable together. ^_^**


	14. To the Queen!

**A/N: Well, the votes on fluff are in; all one of them. :P Thank you to lydiathetigeropean for giving your opinion! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., and certainly not Dairy Queen! Though I do love their ice cream.**

**By the way, I bet you can guess what the first restaurant was called. ;)**

* * *

Shadow and Rouge hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday. As noon drew on, even Shadow had to admit he was getting hungry.

"There's a restaurant on the next exit," said Rouge, pointing.

When they got there, Shadow pulled over and surveyed the establishment with some dismay.

"Dangit . . . the Faker's influence is spreading," he muttered.

"Who'd have thought?" agreed Rouge. "Come on, let's eat."

"Forget it. I'm not eating anywhere with _that_ kind of name. We'll find someplace else."

At length they came upon a Dairy Queen. This would have been fine, but there seemed to be a complication . . .

A worker behind the counter inside finished filling in an order and sighed relievedly. Now there was nobody in line, just some happy customers sitting at tables, elbow-deep in various ice cream treats.

Suddenly a pair of red eyes peered over the edge of the counter, startling the poor worker to no end. A pair of teal-green eyes soon joined the red ones, with a pair of large white ears right above them. All four eyes looked across the counter, blinking very little.

"Uh . . . can I . . . help you?" ventured the worker at length.

"You could start by making shorter counters," grumbled the red eyes.

Suddenly the teal eyes and white ears hopped up into the air with a flapping sound, revealing Rouge the Bat. Meanwhile, Shadow boosted himself up so he could get his elbows on the counter. He stood on his elbows like a kid leaning on a table, his feet treading air.

"What . . . are you?" asked the worker blankly.

"I'm Shadow the Hedgehog. And this is Rouge. We have a complaint," scowled Shadow.

"Uh . . . go on."

"Well, we're trying to be law-abiding here," Shadow continued. "And we try to obey all signs. But that sign outside! Good grief! First of all, your spelling is atrocious. Like a first-grader's. 'Drive-T-H-R-U'? Really?"

"It's traditional to spell drive-through like that," replied the worker, recovering most of the way and becoming slightly amused. "It's meant to be cute."

Shadow raised his eyes heavenward and adjusted his balance on the edge of the countertop.

"Cute? Seriously? Shoot me. Well, whatever. However it's spelled, we _meant_ to obey it. We _meant_ to drive through the lane like it said."

"And there's a problem?"

"I'll say there is. How the heck are we supposed to "Drive Through" when there are so many freaking cars standing in the way?!"

"Uhhhhh . . . " The worker felt it might be better not to say anything.

"And I don't even know what it is!" continued Shadow irately. "Doesn't anybody obey the rules around here? They're supposed to be driving through, and instead they just sit around leaning out the window, gabbing to some black box. They just keep blocking up the road, when other people are trying to drive through! And this is bad enough already. But what really kills me—" Shadow leaned across the counter, his feet swinging back and forth angrily— "What really _kills_ me, is that after they break the rules like that, some guy in a window just gives 'em free ice cream! _Seriously_ now!"

The worker was laughing by now. Shadow swung back upright, his eyes blazing. The promise he'd made not to Chaos Spear anybody on this trip was dangerously close to breaking.

"Oh, so I suppose you think this is funny?" he gritted. "Well fine."

He hopped down from the counter and began to stalk towards the door.

"Hold up, hold up!" cried Rouge, grabbing his elbow. "While you were talking to that guy, I talked to a customer over there, and she explained about drive-throughs. You don't actually drive through them _that_ way. The black box is a radio communicating with the inside, and you place your order through it. Then they fix up the food inside, then you pay at the window and they give you the food. It's called a drive-through because you don't have to get out of the car to get food, that's all!"

Shadow eyed her irately.

"Fine," he growled. "But we're still out of here."

"Awww, come on Shads! I'm starving!"

"No."

"They have ice cream . . . lots of it! . . . "

"Not gonna bribe me, Rouge. If I can't Chaos Spear 'em, I'm not hanging around here to get insulted."

"Oh, get over yourself!"

Shadow folded his arms and scowled at her stubbornly.

"Fine!" sighed Rouge at last. "Don't get anything, then. _I'm_ gonna buy me the biggest ice cream cone they have, with a ton of sprinkles, and I swear I'll eat it in front of you!"

"You do that," replied Shadow, turning to leave.

"Look Mommy!" squealed a little kid at a nearby table. "Look at the funny doggy!"

"Hush," warned his mother anxiously. "It looks angry."

Shadow stood very still, not turning around. Rouge kept a straight face, with difficulty. After a moment Shadow gave a low growl and strode out the door, his ears flat against his head.

"What's the biggest item ya got?" asked Rouge brightly, hovering in front of the counter.

A while later, Rouge came sailing out of the Dairy Queen with a large Blizzard. She found Shadow hunched up on one of the red-rubber-coated picnic tables, more or less burning a hole through the umbrella above him. Shadow could do a very good "slow burn."

"Hiya Grumpy," chirped Rouge, landing next to him.

"It's a big picnic table," growled Shadow.

"Which is why I'd feel totally lost sitting alone," replied Rouge breezily.

Shadow growled. He sat with his arms folded and his elbows on the table, glaring off into the distance and refusing to look at Rouge as she munched away.

"Say, this is reallllly good," teased Rouge. "It's the monthly special flavor, you know."

No reply.

"Bet you wish you had some, huh?"

No reply.

"Well, you're not getting any!"

Still no reply.

"Geez, you sulk like a little kid."

Still silence. Rouge sighed and kept eating. A large Blizzard is no joke, however, especially for a Mobian. She barely managed to eat half of it before giving out.

"Man . . . I should have gone for the small," she sighed. "I don't think I can finish this." She glanced over at Shadow, who hadn't moved all this time. "Tell you what. If you're nice to me, I'll let you have the rest."

"Rouge, throw it out and let's get going," said Shadow sharply.

"You don't want it?"

"I wouldn't eat it if—mmmf!" Shadow's sentence was cut off as Rouge shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. It startled him enough that he nearly choked on it.

"Chew," ordered Rouge.

Surprisingly, Shadow chewed obediently. His eyes softened slightly—it _was_ really good.

"Now do you want the rest?" grinned Rouge.

"Well . . . no sense wasting money by throwing it out . . . " grumbled Shadow resignedly. Rouge pushed the Blizzard cup over to him and handed him a spoon.

"Hygienic," muttered Shadow.

"Silly. It's a new one."

Shadow looked up suspiciously.

"You got two spoons?"

"I knew I wouldn't be able to finish it," chuckled Rouge. "And, well, I'm just that convincing . . . "

Shadow gave her a look, but shook his head and set to work on the remainder of the ice cream.


	15. Laundry

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

Laundry was never a problem for Shadow the Hedgehog; he didn't wear clothes. His shoes had no socks, and he could run his gloves under a hotel or restaurant sink a while and he'd be done. Rouge was another story. She had brought along only the clothes on her back and a pair of pajamas, but those still had to be washed. She was loth to go to a laundromat, since it would cost extra and she'd only be able to wash one set of clothing anyway. So, usually they'd just stop somewhere by a stream or lake, and Rouge would hop underwater, clothes and all. Not the best of methods, but it served.

"Hurry up, would you?" asked Shadow impatiently one day, when they had stopped by a quick-running river. He was slouched on the riverbank, tossing pebbles wearily into the water as he waited.

"Not a chance," said Rouge cheerfully, floating on her back in the swift current. "This is some really nice water they have. You should come swimming too!"

"No thanks."

"Oh, come on, you'll like it!"

"Your pajamas are getting away."

It took a second for Rouge to register what that meant. Then she bobbed upright quickly and looked around. Sure enough, her pajamas, which she had taken into the water with her, were being rapidly carried off by the current.

"Why didn't you warn me sooner!" she yelped, and dove after them. It took her only a few seconds to catch up to them . . . but by then she had been dragged into a much stronger part of the current. She tried to swim to shore, but the current kept sucking her back. It continued to carry her along rapidly, and yes, I hate to say this, but there were waterfalls ahead. You know there always are.

A black blur shot past her on the bank nearby. Downstream, some rocks jutted out partway into the water, so Shadow stopped there, hopped lightly out as far as the rocks let him, and reached out to grab Rouge's hand as she swam past.

"You never do things by halves, do you?" he asked irately, hauling her up next to him, then picking her up and leaping to shore.

"Thanks," said Rouge shakily, trying and failing to flap her waterlogged wings. "Believe me, I had no intention of heading _that_ way, it was the river's idea."

"I should hope so," grumbled Shadow. "I know maniacs have tried going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but that's no excuse for you to try it without a barrel."


	16. Give My Regards to Copypasta

**A/N: Okay, this one may seem a little sketchy in places, because it keeps referring to a Meatloaf song. It's actually based on the lyrics, since my friends and I agreed they were too appropriate for the situation to pass up. :) The song itself unfortunately contains mild language, but if you don't mind that, go ahead and give it a listen. I can give you the name if you like. You're welcome to guess the name too, if you happen to be a Meatloaf fan.**

**Anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co. I also don't own the song referenced. **

* * *

It was a lovely day on the road. Rouge was in a good mood, leaning into the wind and singing Meatloaf at the top of her lungs. Shadow was less than appreciative.

"Will you cut that out?" he groaned.

"Not for a mint. I like this song!" retorted Rouge.

"Odd song for you to be liking," muttered Shadow, increasing his speed slightly in annoyance. Soon they approached a curve, so he tapped the brakes, then glanced down at the motorcycle. Abruptly he reached over and yanked off the strap Rouge was wearing over her wings.

"Jump!" he ordered tersely, as Rouge's wings snapped out behind her. "Get out of the sidecar and fly off the road!"

"Wh-what?! Are you out of your—"

"The brakes are dead. Move!" barked Shadow, almost throwing Rouge out of the sidecar. She spread her wings desperately and caught herself in midair, then swerved to the side of the road. She landed on the ground just in time to see the motorcycle lock into a skid, its wheels screeching, then hit a curve and plow straight into the guardrail. The wheels suddenly flipped up to the top instead of the bottom, and the entire device tumbled over the railing and disappeared. After altogether too long a pause, there was a horrific crashing of metal.

"Shadow!" yelped Rouge. She was afraid to look over the edge, yet somehow she was already looking. The motorcycle was lying in a tangled mass at the bottom of the cliff, with flames spurting up from the engine. Shadow was sprawled out at the foot of the bike, unconscious or worse.

"Shadow!" called Rouge again, diving over the guardrail and landing next to him. "Shadow, are you okay?!"

Slowly Shadow's eyes opened. He blinked at Rouge accusingly.

"Dangit, Rouge," he growled, heaving himself up on his elbows. "If my heart starts flapping off on its own or something, I'm blaming you."

"Oh thank goodness," gasped Rouge, throwing her arms around him.

"Ouch! Stop that!" protested Shadow. "Falling off a cliff that size is no picnic."

"And furthermore," said Rouge, shaking him lightly for good measure, "Why the heck did you have to push me out of the motorcycle?! I could have easily jumped out when it started to fall and caught you on the way down! Any skull fractures you have are your own fault and nobody else's."

"As if you'd have the presence of mind to pull that off," grumbled Shadow, heaving himself to his feet and going over to check on the bike. "Great. Just great. We don't have money to spend on repairing this thing. I'll have to try get it back into order myself."

"You know, I get the feeling there was nothing wrong with the brakes," said Rouge drily. "You just like rebuilding that thing."

Shadow gave her a poisonous look.

"Okay, okay, I know," said Rouge. "But aren't you going to need to buy parts for it anyway?"

"Hopefully not," muttered Shadow. "Whatever. Make yourself comfortable, because we're going to be here a while."

It took three days, but Shadow got the motorcycle back into one piece. Aside from all the destruction to its paintwork, you'd never have guessed it was broken. The sidecar, however, was utterly beyond repair.

"You'll have to ride behind me now," said Shadow, making a final inspection of the sprockets and fuel line.

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me. You've done it before, what's the big fuss?"

Rouge sighed, but clambered onto the back of the bike and wrapped her arms around Shadow so she wouldn't fall off.

"Not around the neck, Rouge."

"Most certainly around the neck," retorted Rouge. "I'll teach you to crash this thing on purpose."

"I did not crash this bike on purpose!"

"Yeah, right. Tell it to the Marines."


	17. Say It Like So

**A/N: I know, another old joke. But some are too good to pass up!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the establishment referenced!**

* * *

There were plenty of interesting signs to be found on the road, but some were a cause for disputation. One such incident involved the pronunciation of a city name.

"Seriously? They called the place Cairo, like the one in Egypt?" said Shadow disbelievingly, glancing back at a road sign they had just passed.

"No," said Rouge. "The Egyptian one is pronounced Kye-row, but this one is pronounced Care-oh. It's an entirely different concept. I read about it in a pamphlet."

"Oh, come on. They wouldn't just come up with a name like Cairo out of nowhere. It must have been named after the Egyptian one."

"And probably it was."

"Then they have to pronounce it the same!"

"No, they don't. It's Care-oh."

"What, the Egyptian one?"

"No. That's Kye-row."

Shadow growled under his breath.

As luck would have it, they had to stop for gasoline anyway. While they were in town, they figured they'd stop for dinner too. That meant discussion over whether they should stop and where they should exit, which meant more discrepancies in pronunciation. The argument went on until Shadow lost patience.

"Look," he said at last, as they left the gas station. "You call it what you like, I'll call it what I like. I have better things to do than quibble over how to pronounce C-A-I-R-O."

"But if we don't figure it out, one of us will still be pronouncing it wrong!"

"So?"

"I don't know, it just seems wrong to go on mispronouncing it."

"Got a better idea?"

"Tell you what," said Rouge. "I bet a local would know how to pronounce the name, right? I mean, they _live_ here. Let's ask someone!"

"Fair enough."

When they found a fast-food joint, they parked and went inside. Shadow would have _nothing_ to do with drive-throughs, and Rouge was wise enough not to tease him about it. Too much.

"Hi there! What can I get for you?" asked the young lady behind the counter. She must have been a Sonic fan, because the sight of two Mobians didn't faze her in the least. Sighing, Shadow swung up to hang on his elbows again. He was getting very good at the counter-cling.

"Two burgers, two small fries, two small milkshakes," he said. Rouge nudged him as the cashier rang up the items.

"Anything else?"

"Well, we did have a question," said Shadow reluctantly. "We can't seem to figure out how to pronounce the name of this place. Could you tell us how to say it?"

The lady gave the two of them a slightly odd look, but shrugged and said very slowly and distinctly, "Burrrgerrrr Kinnng."


	18. Go Fish

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Burger King.**

* * *

After the Burger King incident, Shadow decided he had not only had enough of drive-throughs, he'd pretty much had enough of fast-food places in general. Hoping to find an alternative method of getting food, he poked his head into a sports store. While Rouge tried on camouflage hunting gear, Shadow examined the fishing poles.

"Need some help?" asked an employee.

"I don't know, what's the difference between all these poles?"

The guy started to explain some of the intricacies of proper fishing poles, pointing out the pros and cons of each type of rod. Shadow's head was swimming slightly by the end of it, but the salesman was kind enough to point out which rods were good for beginners and which were good for pros who didn't need little helpful touches anymore. Of course, Shadow wasn't about to admit that he was something of a beginner himself, but once the salesman was gone, he picked out a fairly cheap pole that was supposedly very easy to use.

"How's this?" he asked, turning to Rouge. The bat nearly jumped right out of her camouflage coat and hat.

"How did you know I was here?!"

Shadow rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, we should get a pair of these coats," laughed Rouge. "Then maybe trouble can't find us."

"As if. You just want to be able to sneak up on trouble better yourself. Now come on, we still have to get some lures to go with this pole."

Reluctantly Rouge shed the coat and hat, and followed Shadow to the fishing lures section.

"Ohh, they're so pretty!" she exclaimed. "Look, these look just like teeny fish!"

"Yeah, that's so big fish will try to eat them and get stuck on the hook."

"Cool! What about those really shiny ones?"

"Fish are attracted to shiny things. They'll grab them like crazy."

"Really? Well, that's not very smart of them."

Shadow gave Rouge a strange look.

"You don't say."

They picked up a boxful of the shiny lures, since Rouge looked reluctant to part with them anyway. Besides, they had built-in hooks. After paying for the gear, they headed to a nearby stream.

"Looks good for swimmin!" piped Rouge cheerfully, peering down into the sparkling water. The Niagara Falls incident hadn't scared her for very long.

"No swimming," ordered Shadow. "You'll scare the fish. You can swim after I catch dinner."

"How about I help?" asked Rouge, trailing her fingers in the water.

"Doesn't take that many to hold a fishing pole."

"Who needs a fishing pole? I bet I could grab 'em right out of the water. After all, my great-grandpa on my mother's side was a fishing bat. One-eighth of my DNA is his."

"You don't say," sighed Shadow, setting up the fishing pole and flicking the lure into the water.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"Oh, I believe you. I've seen the way you fish for compliments." He ducked a splash of water. "Don't scare the fish, Rouge."

They sat and waited for a while. The fish didn't seem to be biting much.

"Maybe there aren't any fish in this stream," suggested Rouge.

"There are. I can see them swimming around, the little troglodytes," growled Shadow, glaring down over the edge of the bank.

"Better not lean out so far, Shadow," warned Rouge.

"Psh. I won't fall."

"Maybe not, but the temptation to push you in is getting to be a bit much."

Shadow swung upright and gave a grinning Rouge a warning look.

Later, after more than an hour of fidgeting, Shadow had only caught three little fishies.

"Well, at least we won't starve," he grumbled. "Although the way I figure it, each of these fish cost us twenty dollars."

"At that price, it's a good thing we didn't catch any more," said Rouge seriously.

"I guess," sighed Shadow, then blinked. "Wait, what?"

Rouge chuckled. "So, are you done? I'm going swimming now."

"Whatever. Go ahead."

Rouge pulled off her boots and waded into the fast-running stream. Finding a wide, flat rock, she clambered onto it and peered down into the water.

"You're right, there are a whole lot of fishies!" she called back to the bank. "So many little fishies . . . "

She began to dabble her hand into the water, like a cat swiping at goldfish in a pond.

"You'll never catch them that way," called Shadow, slightly annoyed.

"Just give me a minute," retorted Rouge, her eyes still fixed on the burbling current. "I need to set my sights on a particular—"

Suddenly her ears snapped forward and she tensed up like a pointer dog.

"FISH!" she barked, plunging a hand into the stream. There was a sparkling explosion of water droplets, and a flopping fish suddenly materialized on the bank. Shadow had the presence of mind to grab it.

"Not bad," he admitted grudgingly. "That was quite the lucky shot."

Rouge wasn't paying attention. She was still squinting intently down into the stream.

"Aha! More fish!" she whooped, and swiped again. She succeeded in slapping another fish up onto the bank. It was quite a sizeable one, too.

"What in the world are you—" Shadow didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before yet another fish went flying into the grass. Soon there were two more.

"Rouge, that's enough! We don't need anymore!"

His words fell on deaf ears. Rouge was enjoying the fish-hunting, and apparently had no intention of quitting anytime soon. At last Shadow plunked resignedly down on the bank and began tossing fish back in as Rouge tossed them out.

"I'm returning the dang fishing pole," he muttered.


	19. Who's Driving?

**A/N: Another request for starfiction123! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Also, a fair warning: the following one-shot contains high levels of fluff. I'm talkin' Angora rabbit fluff. I'm talkin' Fluffle-Puff fluff. I'm talkin' Tribbles-taking-over-the-_Enterprise_ fluff. Like somebody tore open seven hundred and ninety-eight feather pillows.**

**Fluff is an over-the-counter product, but it is not for everyone. Talk to your doctor before you start reading fluff, and do not read fluff if you are over 85, pregnant, or have an allergy or intolerance for cuteness. Discontinue use immediately if you experience the following side effects: headache, nausea, irritability, and/or Tribble invasion. **

**Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed about writing something this madly fluffy. How'd you guess? :P**

**Okay, seriously now. Commencing fluffification!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or _Star Trek_.**

* * *

Shadow the Hedgehog was in one of his moods. Not like it made much difference, since his default mood was already pretty grumpy, but Rouge could tell he had an extra axe to grind today. It was something in the clench of his jaw and the extra-dark look in his eye. Perhaps it was because he hadn't had quite enough sleep lately.

They'd stopped for lunch in a meadow. There were beautiful weather-worn boulders sticking up here and there, but the two Mobians didn't pay them much mind. Shadow had wolfed his meal and was already glaring at Rouge impatiently, silently ordering her to hurry it up. Rouge munched away stolidly, refusing to go faster than she liked.

At last Shadow growled under his breath and climbed onto the motorcycle. His intention was probably to start it up, as a warning that he'd leave Rouge behind if she didn't get a move on. However, the motorcycle key was nowhere to be found. His eyes roved silently towards possible places it might be, then narrowed in understanding.

_Jingle, clink. Jingle, clink_. Rouge was tossing the keychain up and down in her hand. As Shadow turned to give her a piercing "death glare," she merely smirked innocently.

"I figured I'd drive for a change," she smiled. "You could probably use a rest."

"I don't need rest." Shadow's tone made it clear that he was not in the mood for petty squabbling. "Also, you didn't bring your license. Hand over the key."

"Nothin' doin'."

"Give me the key," said Shadow quietly. His quietest voice was his most terrifying, edging softly into the murderous tones characteristic of Mephiles. Even Blaze would probably have surrendered the keys in a heartbeat upon hearing that voice; Amy would have near had a heart attack.

But Rouge was made of stern stuff. And whatever part of her wasn't stern stuff was pleasantly insane, so either way she was hardly intimidated. She merely stopped tossing the keychain and slipped into her pocket.

"You're in a bad temper," she said levelly. "You might get road rage."

"I'm not in the mood for games," warned Shadow, still in that quiet sub-Mephiles voice.

"I'm not in the mood for your moods," retorted Rouge. "I drive."

Silently Shadow swung one leg over the motorcycle to sit on it sideways. From his posture, it was clear he did not intend on moving.

Ah well, there were ways of relocating hedgehogs. Rouge stepped over and perched sidewise on the motorcycle as well, on top of the back wheel where she now usually rode. She was right next to Shadow, certainly close enough to feel the dark thrumming pulses of resentment radiating from his body. They said nothing for a while.

"Don't be mad," Rouge advised at last. "I only want to drive for a little while, so you can relax for a bit and not worry about the road. Why so testy?"

"Relax? The last time you drove this thing you hit a telephone pole. And that was when you were doing _twenty_."

"That was then!" protested Rouge. "This is now."

"And I'd like to live to see the 'later'."

Rouge rolled her eyes. Maybe he had a point—after all, she wasn't really used to driving the motorcycle. But she wasn't about to let him win.

"Aren't you even enjoying this trip?" she asked gently. "You never seem too interested in seeing landmarks or anything. You don't enjoy driving that much, either. You're never in a good mood, and now you're in a terrible one. Aren't you planning on having any fun?"

"What's it to you?"

"If you're not having any fun, why'd you even come on this trip?" asked Rouge, shrugging.

No reply, save for a scornful flick of one ear. Rouge heaved a sigh. Closed-off, the only real word for that hedgehog. Maybe he really was enjoying this trip—probably he was. He wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise. But no matter how much he enjoyed anything, he'd never show it. There was that seemingly unbreakable lock that kept his features coldly expressionless, kept him from showing happiness in front of anyone. Kept him tough and harsh no matter what the situation. Black Doom? Please. The only alien DNA in his blood probably belonged to Vulcans.

Well, time to see if that lock really was unbreakable.

"Feel like cheering up?" asked Rouge. It sounded like a question, but it was more of a warning. As in, you'd _better_ cheer up, or I'm going to try _make_ you, and you won't like it.

"And how, precisely, do you characterize this 'cheering up'?" growled Shadow. Yeah, he wasn't going to like this at all.

"Well, you know. Drop the big scary hedgehog act," said Rouge coolly. "It gets old."

She waited; no reply. So she feigned a change of subject.

"You know, when I was little, my dad had a game he used to play with me." She placed her fingertips on Shadow's wrist, lightly enough that he didn't notice—or at least didn't try to shake her off. She continued. "It wasn't really much of a game, I guess. But the way it went, he might say, 'Rouge! What's that on your arm?' And then he'd say, 'Look, it's crawling up! It's going sneak sneak sneaky sneaky . . .'"

As she spoke, Rouge began to slowly walk her fingers up Shadow's arm, imitating the crawl of a spider. She hadn't even reached the elbow before Shadow jerked away with a startling violence and pushed her hand back.

"What's wrong?" asked Rouge innocently.

"Stop that," said Shadow sharply. "Act normal, why don't you?"

"Perfectly normal," replied a very unruffled Rouge. "It's a good game."

"No."

Rouge said nothing. So, she had found a weakness. Better to test it again, though. After an interval of sitting silently, she suddenly began to tiptoe her fingers up Shadow's back this time.

"Sneak sneak sneaky sneaky . . . "

"Rouge!" barked Shadow, whirling and grabbing her wrist—not hard, but hard enough to show he meant it. Rouge smirked outright. The sneak-sneaky game had been one of her favorites when she was little, the main appeal being that the simulated spider-sneak was extremely _tickling._

"So, Mr. Scary Hedgehog has a weak spot, hmm?"

"Disliking stupid games is not a weak spot."

"Mr. Scary Hedgehog, you're ticklish."

"What?"

Before further enquiries could commence, Rouge pulled her wrist free and dove her fingers into Shadow's ribs, tickling him lightly. Immediately he grabbed both her wrists and held them firmly away, growling.

"Rouge, I'll tell you only one more time to _stop it!_"

"Pshaw. Come on, let's see a smile!"

"No," snapped Shadow, again attempting to hold her off. "Get off or I'll—" He had unconsciously shied back from the tickling so much that he tumbled backwards off the motorcycle. He nearly took Rouge with him, but she managed to catch her balance at the last second. Eyes snapping with mischief, she grinned down at him.

"You're insane," hissed Shadow, scrambling to his feet.

"Maybe. But I've still got the key! And now I've got the driver's seat as well."

Shadow attempted to swipe the key as Rouge pulled it from her pocket.

"Give me that before I really lose my patience."

Rouge spun the keychain around her finger, smirking.

"Want it?"

"Rouge," said Shadow dangerously.

"Wannnt it?"

"_Rouge._"

"Come and get it!"

A snap of wings as she dove off the motorcycle, and she was already off at a safe distance. Shadow stood very still for a while, his teeth gritted. Half a second later he was level with Rouge and was attempting to tug the key out of her fist. She yanked away, laughing, and dove behind a boulder. Shadow set out after her, but chasing somebody _around_ something is never easy. After circling the boulder more times than was quite practical, Shadow skidded to a halt and whirled around, hoping Rouge would run into him. But she never did. Tilting his head, he stepped around the boulder again. No sign of Rouge; not even the sound of her footsteps circling around to the other side. There was nowhere nearby to hide . . . where in the world . . . ?

He got the idea to look up just a second before Rouge plunged off the boulder's top.

"Gotcha!" she whooped, driving him to the ground. The key shimmered as it tumbled from her hand, but before Shadow could grab it she had started tickling him again.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" demanded Shadow, struggling. "Cut it _out!_"

He pushed her off with just enough force to tumble her back into the grass.

"No more," he ordered grimly.

Rouge sat up, looking disappointed.

"Geez. Don't you like a good laugh?"

"No."

"Yeah, I guess I should have known you wouldn't," sighed Rouge resignedly, leaning back on her hands. "I'm sorry for trying, then. I guess you can go ahead and be grumpy all you want. If that's what makes you happy." She shook her head. "Man, that sounds weird. Here. I don't even wanna drive."

Shadow caught the keychain she tossed at him.

"Thank you," he said sarcastically. "No trouble at all, Rouge."

"Let's just go," sighed Rouge, getting up. Her temper had run almost as short as Shadow's by now, and she was just as capable of sustaining a bad mood as he was. Good. It'd be a relief not to have her cheeriness grating on his nerves.

Right?

Shadow shook his head puzzledly as he climbed onto the motorcycle. Now that Rouge's good humor was gone, he wasn't quite sure if he wouldn't regret it. What good was a bad mood if nobody was nagging you to cheer up? But then, he had no alternative. He would _not_ be made a fool.

Rouge swung into her usual seat, blowing out her breath in annoyance.

"If you get road rage, I won't bail you out of jail," she informed him bitterly.

"Of course not. You'll be in jail too."

"A lovely and inspiring thought. Thank you kindly. You've made my whole day."

Shadow snorted and reached to turn the motorcycle on. However, he soon became aware of a rather hasty misjudgment on his part.

"By the way, you made a serious mistake, destroying that sidecar."

He didn't turn around, but he didn't have to. Rouge's voice had an extremely wicked grin in it. Suddenly her fingers dug gently into his ribs again.

"You're in very deep trouble now. Can't back up, can't push me off. Got a way out, wise guy?"

Shadow set his teeth and attempted to throw himself sideways off the motorcycle, but Rouge followed him right down and kept tickling. It was too much; Shadow flopped back in defeat and burst out laughing.

"That's better," chuckled Rouge, cuffing him lightly and sitting down next to him. "Whoo! You're a _tough_ cookie! Feel better now?"

"No, worse," said Shadow stubbornly. Still, he couldn't stop a faint smile from flickering onto his muzzle. On one hand he felt like an utter idiot. On the other hand being a little silly felt . . . kinda good. Being closed-off all the time got old.

He glanced over at Rouge, who was flopped against the motorcycle contentedly. He had to admit, she had a lot of patience, to put up with him even at his grumpiest. Well, maybe he owed her. Reaching over, he silently began to tiptoe his fingers up her arm.

"Yipe!" yelped Rouge, giggling and pulling away. "Hey!"

"I thought you liked being tickled," said Shadow innocently.

Rouge scrambled to her feet and backed off, waving her hands in self-defense.

"In relative terms, that is, you know? Don't even . . . yipes!" She whisked away as Shadow got to his feet as well. Smirking resignedly, he gave her a ten-second head start. So much for not being made a fool . . . ah, reputation be darned. He had some payback to dole out.


	20. For the Birds

**A/N: Well, the twentieth chapter already! Again I want to say a huge thank you to all readers, especially those who review, follow, or fave. This has become my most viewed and most reviewed story by now, which I really wasn't expecting! You guys are the best. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or _The Birds_, or any kind of smartphone app.**

* * *

The rain was really howling down that afternoon. It was a storm the likes of which make sailors turn pale. Rouge gave a stifled cry as a lightning bolt exploded nearby, immediately followed by a deafening clap of thunder.

"Take it easy," said Shadow gently. He could feel her trembling a little as she huddled instinctively against his back. "We won't get hit."

"Just a little startled," said Rouge, force-carelessly. "But you know, we _might_ get hit, out in the open like this. It's not safe. We should get out of this storm."

"All right," said Shadow. "There's a town up ahead, and we'll duck into the first public building we find."

That building happened to be a movie theater. They parked the motorcycle and dashed into the lobby. For a while they just tried to dry themselves off a bit, but soon Rouge started to read the movie posters hung on the walls—and eye the chandelier hungrily.

"It's glass, Rouge," said Shadow, slightly amused and trying not to show it.

"What's glass?" asked Rouge innocently.

"The chandelier."

"Oh, is it?" Rouge grinned. "Goodness, why are you paying so much attention to it? Anyone would think you wanted to steal it."

Shadow groaned.

"Don't try to pin this on me, Rouge."

Chuckling, Rouge went back to reading the movie posters. Shadow glanced at a few himself.

"Want to see a movie?" he asked at length.

"Can we?" asked Rouge, surprised.

"I figure we can get a couple of movie tickets; we're not on _that_ tight a budget. Besides, I guess you haven't been to Earth till you've seen a movie."

"And it's gotta be better than standing here dripping!" agreed Rouge. "Okay, let's."

The next movie started in fifteen minutes, so they got tickets to that. It was part of the theater's classic films series.

"The Birds," muttered Shadow, regarding his ticket glumly. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"What? You think it'll be for the birds?" grinned Rouge.

"With a name like that, how could it _not_ be?"

"Ah, well, then we can take a nap."

They joined the crowd entering the theater and found two seats. Soon the lights dimmed and the room became pitch-dark.

"I like this already!" whispered Rouge. Shadow heard a soft trill as her echolocation kicked in. Presumably nobody else heard it, since they didn't have high-frequency-capable Ultimate-Life-Form ears.

The movie started soon after. "For the birds" wasn't quite the right phrase to describe it; it was good and scary. You've probably heard of it—basically, a town gets filled with psycho birds that attack everyone they see, for no apparent reason.

"That was awesome!" whooped Rouge, as they stepped out of the theater into a muggy but clear evening. "Did you see those birds diving at that lady? Wham! Zoom! Boyyy, now I'll freak out every time I see a housefinch!"

"A pity that the Flickies back home aren't that vicious," remarked Shadow. "Dr. Eggman would think twice about using them to power his robots."

"Yeah, but everyone else would think twice about going outdoors," chuckled Rouge. Her glance flickered over their surroundings. "Uh, you don't see any crows around here, do you?"

"Not yet, I don't."

"Why are those pigeons getting so close to us?"

"They're pigeons. They want food."

"Food?!"

"Birdseed, Rouge. Birdseed."

"I dunno . . . " Rouge backed off slightly.

"I think I'm going to regret taking you to that movie," sighed Shadow, as they started looking for someplace to get dinner.

"'Scuse me, 'scuse me!" called a voice. "Hold on a minute, please!"

"Hi sir!" said Rouge cheerfully. "If you want directions, we know less about this place than you do, and we're about to get blissfully lost!"

"No, no," smiled the young man who had stopped them. "I was wondering if you'd be interested in getting a new smartphone?"

"Thanks, but our cell phone is perfectly adequate," said Shadow coolly.

"It's for a highly discounted price! And still in the box! I got it for my mom, but it turns out she already has one. So I thought someone else might like it!"

"And you haven't been able to sell it yet?" asked Rouge dubiously.

"Well, heh, no. Nobody believes me when I say I'm selling it that cheap."

Shadow and Rouge glanced at each other. Frankly, they didn't believe him either. There had to be a scam in there somewhere. But still . . . it was tempting.

"And you're sure this smartphone works?" asked Shadow cautiously.

"Sure, it's still in its original packaging! And it comes with all the cool bonuses too!"

"What kind of bonuses?" asked Rouge, almost sold on the offer.

"Oh, the whole enchilada. 4G capabilities, an exclusive decorative case, and a ton of free apps pre-downloaded—in-cluding a complete version of _Angry Birds!_"

Rouge jumped. "Angry _what?!_"

"Angry Birds! It's a hit—"

"ANGRY BIRDS!"

Rouge grabbed Shadow's wrist, and they both took off for all they were worth.


	21. Sugar Rush

**A/N: Request for my FanFiction friend smileaway96! Enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or anything else referenced!**

* * *

"Why do I keep getting the feeling that this is a bad idea?" groaned Rouge, as Shadow fiddled with a parking meter.

"I have no clue," said Shadow blandly. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"Let me save some time and tell you what might _not_ go wrong," retorted Rouge.

Shadow rolled his eyes. "I can control myself, Rouge. Maybe you can't help swiping jewels when you see them, but I know how to keep my hands to myself."

"When it comes to jewels, maybe. Not when it comes to this."

"Stop worrying. I'll be fine."

"Wanna bet?"

Shadow snorted and turned to head off.

"Come on. The next tour starts in twenty minutes."

"Just a second," sighed Rouge, bowing her head solemnly. "Just let me say a few quick words of apology in advance to the soul of poor old Hershey."

"Oh, very funny."

"Seriously Shadow, you're twitching already, and so far it's only the _smell_ of the chocolate."

Shadow rolled his eyes again. He knew better than to argue when Rouge was in a teasing mood. Besides, she may have been right . . . maybe he should have eaten breakfast before they tried to take the chocolate factory tour.

However, the tour went without a hitch. The chocolate-making process was pretty fascinating, and Shadow watched it all with bland interest, not even trying to snitch a single piece. At the end of the tour, everyone got a free chocolate bar.

"See?" said Shadow smugly, unwrapping the sweet and sinking his teeth into it. "Didn't make a single move out of line, did I?"

"True, true," admitted Rouge. "A real gentlemanhog."

As they circled around the factory to return to the motorcycle, they came upon a worker rolling a barrel out through a door.

"What's that?" asked Rouge curiously.

The man (whose nametag read "Bill") gave the two Mobians a puzzled look, but shook it off and answered calmly enough.

"It's chocolate mix we have to throw out. It accidentally got too much sugar, and now it's no good for anything."

"You're going to throw out that whole large barrel?" said Rouge. "That's a shame."

"Can't be helped. We have quality standards to keep up," shrugged Bill.

"Mind if we have a little?" asked Shadow.

Bill shrugged. "Be my guests. Just close up the lid when you're done, 'kay?"

"Thanks!" called Rouge. Shadow was already prying the lid off the barrel.

"Lunch," he remarked, dipping a finger into the thick chocolate-scented liquid.

"Not with your fingers, silly! Use a spoon," scolded Rouge, digging in her purse and producing two plastic spoons.

"Where'd you get those?"

"I picked them up the last time we were at a fast-food place. You know, that place you couldn't pronounce?"

"Don't remind me, all right?"

Grinning, Rouge took a spoonful of the chocolate mixture.

"Oh wow, that _is_ too much sugar. Yugh."

"Actually, I like this better than the standard recipe," said Shadow.

"You would," sighed Rouge. She could only manage a few mouthfuls of the sugar-gritty substance, then the excessive sweetness started to make her queasy. Shadow, however, kept munching away unwaveringly.

"Better take it easy," said Rouge anxiously. "Much more of that, and you'll get a sugar rush. And you get _normal_ when you're on a sugar rush. And also jumpy. Remember the last time?"

"Mm-hm," said Shadow absent-mindedly.

"Oh, I can see where this is leading," groaned Rouge. "I don't even want to see this."

Sure enough, Shadow's ears were beginning to twitch, frequently but erratically. He shook his head suddenly and mumbled something about a ringing in his ears.

"I wonder if M-Flo is going to film another music video," remarked Rouge resignedly.

Meanwhile, Shadow was tilting his head and striking the heel of his hand just below one ear, as if trying to knock water out of his other ear.

"Stupid ringing," he muttered. "Well, I guess I've had enough. Let's get going."

He clamped the lid back onto the barrel and started to walk back to the motorcycle. Rouge took a few steps back instead—Shadow's footsteps were clicking against the pavement. They didn't click unless the jets in his shoes folded down. And if the jets in his shoes folded down, that meant he was about to start jet-skating.

Sure enough, Shadow's skates suddenly powered up (seemingly without any consent on his part), and he shot off somewhere. He appeared to be circling the building, because a second later he came whizzing by and disappeared again. When he came around yet again, he suddenly locked into a spindash, bounced off several walls, knocked over the barrel of chocolate liquor, and ricocheted into a stack of wooden pallets. There was a series of crashes, then silence for a moment. At length Shadow sat up, looking dizzy and somewhat puzzled.

"How'd I get here?" he asked irately.

Before Rouge could get anywhere close to answering, Shadow was on his feet and launching into another spindash. This time he barreled off towards a nearby fence.

"For the love of Mike, not Hershey Park!" Rouge hollered after him. "You'll mow someone or something down!"

It was somewhat futile yelling, because Shadow didn't really have much control over where he was going. Luckily, he bounced off the fence of the park, landed on his feet, stumbled for a second, then spindashed off in another direction.

"Oh, much better," groaned Rouge, covering her eyes. "The zoo. Wonderful." She took off after Shadow with a bit more haste now. Heaven forbid he should accidentally release the mountain lions.

The zoo was somewhat twisty and confusing, and Rouge quickly lost sight of Shadow. She still managed to pursue him perfectly well, however, by following the crashes that rang out sporadically or tracing the path of damaged zoo fixtures and puzzled-looking tourists.

At length there was a final crash, and a series of softer thumps. Rouge skidded into a staff-only building to find Shadow had careened into a stack of hay bales used for feeding the animals. He was in the process of clambering to his feet again, and Rouge noted with relief that his ears were no longer twitching.

"Worn off the sugar yet?" she asked drily, leaning against the doorframe and catching her breath.

"Dangit," groaned Shadow, rubbing his head. "Now I remember why I try to avoid sugar rushes."

"I'm just glad that you don't lose your mental capacities permanently," Rouge retorted wearily. "You'll need them for when ZooAmerica sues us."

"That much damage?" asked Shadow, his eyes widening slightly.

"Well, you trashed a few of the cages, I think. Or do _those_ usually run around loose?"

A prairie dog scurried along the wall. Before Shadow could say anything, an elk clattered through the door and began to munch at a scattered hay bale.

Shadow plunked down on one of the undestroyed bales.

"Oh, sweet Mobius."

"Yes, sweet Mobius." Rouge was unsympathetic. "And you're gonna have to explain this to the zoo management in oh, about—"

Three men in zoo uniforms came barreling through the door.

"Fifteen seconds," finished Rouge.

Shadow sighed and bit his tongue. Now was not the time to be confrontational.

A few hours later, Rouge and Shadow were jointly wrestling with a zoo signpost, trying to twist it back to the correct position. It always spun too far one way or the other.

"Well, at least they didn't sue us," sighed Rouge, as they finally got the right orientation. "Though if they did, you'd be working _that_ out on your own. Consider yourself lucky, Shads."

Shadow said nothing; he'd been uncharacteristically subdued ever since he calmed down from the sugar rush.

"Well, at least nobody got hurt," said Rouge resignedly. "It could be worse."

Shadow shrugged.

"Take it easy on the sugar next time, huh?" said Rouge.

"Yeah . . . guess so."

"What's eating you now?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering what happened to that one prairie dog we never found."

"Poor little guy," said Rouge sadly. "He's probably gone to the big prairie dog colony in the sky by now."

As they returned to their parking spot, they figured they'd better go restack those pallets Shadow had knocked down at the beginning of the fiasco. However, as they walked up to the side of the factory, they heard a little squeaking and slurping sound.

"Look!" gasped Rouge.

The barrel Shadow knocked over had spilled its contents, pouring liquid chocolate all over the ground. At the edge of the chocolate puddle was a small tan creature, lapping greedily away at the sweet substance.

"The prairie dog!"

Hearing Rouge's cry, the prairie dog looked up, licking a rim of chocolate from around its mouth. Then it suddenly performed a backflip and a pirouette, then tore off at a speed that momentarily startled even Shadow. Then he came to his senses and dove to snatch the little creature.

"Sweet Mobius," he grumbled, struggling to hang onto the furiously kicking rodent. "What did they put in this chocolate?"

"Sugar, Shadow. Lots and lots and lots of sugar."

* * *

**A/N: By the way, if anyone wants to know about "last time," and that music video they're referencing, look up "Shadow the Hedgehog M-Flo" on YouTube, then click the one that says "M-Flo Shadow the Hedgehog Fan Video (Full Version)". Then tell me if I should laugh or cry, because I'm still not fully sure myself. XD**


	22. Who Wants to Know?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or any of the shows referenced.**

* * *

"Do you think this is cause for us to intervene?" asked Shadow dubiously, eyeing the landmark before them. "I'm not sure that's entirely legal."

"Maybe they bought it fair and square?" suggested Rouge.

"I don't think there _is_ a way to buy Egyptian obelisks fair and square."

A passing tourist snorted disdainfully.

"That's not an Egyptian obelisk, you crazy kids! That's the Washington Monument, a genuine American landmark! And get out of those stupid costumes, it's much too hot to be wearing those kinds of fursuits."

"They're not costumes, and we're not kids," said Shadow, his deep voice startling the tourist to no end.

"Yeah, costumes couldn't do this," agreed Rouge, flapping her wings and lifting off the ground slightly. The tourist gave them a nervous look and began to back away slowly.

"Seems like everybody has that reaction," said Rouge thoughtfully, watching him leave.

"Returning to the landmark in question," said Shadow. "If it's not an Egyptian obelisk, what is it?"

"You know, it could be an ancient radio tower," postulated Rouge, tilting her head way back to look up the length of the monument. "Put up centuries before modern metalcraft, in the Stone Age, just for the cavemen, so they could listen to _rock_ music."

Shadow slapped his forehead wearily.

"Oh, lighten up," scoffed Rouge. "I suppose you have better ideas?"

"It could be a TV tower instead," grumbled Shadow, only his eyes indicating that he was joking.

"Bah. What would a caveman want to watch on TV?"

"I dunno. Maybe _40 Rock._"

"Yeah, right. Or the _Better Caves and Gardens_ special."

"Or Flintstones."

"Or _Dinotopia_."

"Or the Mickey Mouse Club."

"Uhh, why that?"

"Because cavemen carried clubs."

"Oh! I get it," Rouge grinned. "Is that the show where they club Mickey Mouse?"

"No, Mickey Mouse clubs them. It's a classic," said Shadow in his usual deadpan. "I mean _really_ classic. Several thousand years classic."

"Cave-mouse Mickey," giggled Rouge.

"Hey, you two. Do you want a tour?" asked a friendly voice from slightly above their heads. "I'll be leading a tour to the top of the monument in ten minutes."

"How much?" asked Rouge at once.

"It's free."

"Hmmm . . . well, are you gonna explain what this thing is? And its history? And what it means and everything?"

"Sure. I can tell you all about it."

Shadow and Rouge exchanged glances.

"No thanks," smiled Rouge. "I'd rather just keep thinking of it a Stone Age TV tower."


	23. Persistence in Advertising

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.! I also don't own Cracker Barrel.**

* * *

"Nothing!" declared Rouge.

"What?"

"It happens when you don't advertise!"

"Rouge, stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop reading all these billboards out loud!"

"I like reading billboards out loud," said Rouge. "Consider it a running commentary. Or one of those narrated DVDs for the visually impaired."

"Well, I'd appreciate it more if you weren't narrating right into my ear."

"That's your fault for wrecking the sidecar on purpose."

"I did not crash this bike on purpose!"

"Lies distort, facts matter! Visit [website redacted]-dot-com!" Rouge paused. "Actually, that's appropriate to the situation."

"Rouge, stop, or you will be making a very long trip back to New York on your own."

"Cracker Barrel! Breakfast all day!" chirped Rouge.

Shadow glanced over his shoulder and gave her a warning look.

"Cherokee Cave, ten miles ahead!" continued Rouge.

Shadow turned back to the road and set his teeth. He would win this game, or he was a Dutchman.

"Cherokee Cave, five miles ahead, exit 42!" sang out Rouge a few minutes later.

And then a few minutes later . . .

"You are now approaching Cherokee Cave! Exit on Ramp 42 and make a left!"

And then again . . .

"Exit here for Cherokee Cave!"

And again . . .

"Cherokee Cave, 1 Mile Back!"

"Cherokee Cave, 2 Miles Back!"

"Cherokee Cave . . . uh . . . 3.14 miles back! Turn around!"

"Seriously?" muttered Shadow. "No."

"That's just what the billboard sai—Cherokee Cave, 4 miles back! You're going the wrong way!"

"They don't really say that."

"They do! It's the weirdest thing I've ever . . . " Rouge trailed off. They had just passed a billboard reading "You're still going the wrong way! Cherokee Cave 4.5 miles back!"

And then another one saying, "You really might like it! . . . There's still time to turn around and go to Cherokee Cave!"

Shadow glanced back again. Rouge shook her head at him bewilderedly.

At last they came to a billboard blaring, "WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO CHEROKEE CAVE? TURN AROUND!"

Shadow sighed and swung onto an exit to turn around.

"When they get this insistent, I begin to wonder if there isn't something deeper going on," he muttered.

Ironically, when they finally did get to Cherokee Cave, it was closed.


	24. Wild West Hero Part 1

**A/N: Okay, this is going to be a long one! This one-shot turned out to be so lengthy that I split it up into two parts. So I guess it's a two-shot. **

**Also, bearvalley3365: what do you mean by surprises? Surprise endings? I think I've had a few of those already, and there'll be more. Surprising stuff happening? I don't know, technically most of the hijinks in here are kind of based on the element of surprise. If you can explain more specifically what you mean by "surprises," I can tell you better whether there'll be any in this fic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or any of the "Misty" books by Margaurite Henry. That's where I got the horse's name.**

* * *

The road was dry and dusty, the sun was hot, and the landscape didn't really offer that much to look at. That is, until a little cluster of log fences and buildings and covered wagons popped up in the distance.

"What's that?" asked Rouge curiously.

"Well, we'll soon see," said Shadow.

They pulled over and surveyed the bustling scene. The wagons were your classic Conestogas, and the fence was the type made of logs rammed into the ground right next to each other, with their tops sharpened.

"I saw a picture of an old-fashioned Western town once," said Rouge. "It looked just like this."

"But didn't the whole Wild West idea kind of disappear decades ago?" said Shadow dubiously.

"Well, maybe there are still pockets of it or something. We don't know everything about this place yet, you know."

"Understatement of the year."

"Why thank you. Is there a prize for that?"

Shadow grunted absent-mindedly and eyed the gateway set into the tall fence.

"They're checking people's ID before they let them in. I guess that means they won't let us go in there."

"As if that's going to stop us," grinned Rouge. "I want to see what's up!"

She and Shadow scrabbled easily to the top of the fence and peered over.

"Wow, it looks amazing in there!" said Rouge. "Come on, we have to get a better look!"

There were many little fenced-in areas inside the main, outer fence. The tops of the secondary fences weren't sharp, so Rouge began to balance easily along the top of one such fence.

"Bad idea!" hissed Shadow. "Someone will see you!"

"Well then come on, before they see us both!"

Shadow groaned and was about to follow Rouge along the top of the fence when there was a sudden shout.

"Hey you! What are you doin' up there?!"

Rouge looked around wildly for a second, then dove for cover into one of the "pens" created by the inner fences. Groaning again, Shadow swung over the outer fence and landed in a maze of pens and passageways. He figured he'd better find Rouge before she got into serious trouble.

Meanwhile, Rouge picked herself up from a landing a little less dignified than she'd planned for. Luckily, the ground inside the pen was layered with straw. There was a gate behind her, but she didn't need it—she had her wings, after all.

Then she heard a snort and realized there was a shadow falling over her. Lifting her eyes, she found herself gazing straight up at a very large, very angry-looking horse. It foamed at the mouth and rolled the whites of its eyes at her, shying and bucking slightly. One false move and she'd be trampled.

"Nice horsie," gulped Rouge, backing slowly against the fence. "Uh . . . want me to pet you?"

_Snort!_

"Easy there, nice horsie."

Meanwhile, a crowd had gathered around a large enclosure nearby. It was a rodeo, and the announcer was hyping up the entrance of the next bucking bronco.

"All right, so our brave rider Pat here has claimed he can last fifteen seconds on the back of WidowMaker!" bellowed the announcer through his megaphone. "And has he got a challange ahead of him, folks! WidowMaker is the meanest, roughest, toughest, wildest, most ornery critter you could see in all your born days! Them's ain't ears on his heads, folks—them's horns!"

Shadow, still in the maze of passageways, heard the announcement and groaned. Knowing Rouge, he could guess where she'd wound up. He sped up the search.

Meanwhile, the crowd oohed and aahed in anticipation. The gate swung open to release the murderous horse into the ring. The horse, however, never came out. A few rodeo clowns ran up to the gate and exclaimed in dismay.

"WidowMaker" was lying comfortably with his legs tucked under him, his eyes half-closed blissfully. Rouge knelt next to him, stroking fondly at his muzzle.

"What have you _done_ to him?" gasped one of the clowns. Rouge glanced up, surprised.

"Oh, hi! It wasn't really that much trouble getting on his good side. He was a little grumpy, but hey, I put up with Shadow the Hedgehog!"

"I heard that," called a familiar voice, as Shadow swung over the fence. "Where in the world have you been?"

"With this cute horsie," said Rouge.

"You've ruined the show," hissed one of the rodeo clowns under his breath. "Nobody will believe this is a fierce horse now!"

"Sorry," said Rouge sheepishly. "Uhh . . . any way I can make it up to you?"

The fellow sighed.

"Go talk to the manager."

So they did. The manager was actually quite happy to see them.

"It would be wonderful if you could give us a hand," he said jovially. "You see, we put on a Wild West reenactment for tourists, with a village and costumed actors and everything. We have some scheduled shows every day: a covered wagon train coming through, a grand entrance and chance to ride on a real period steam train, a stagecoach holdup—that sort of thing. But two of the kids who usually act in the shows have come down with the flu and can't be here! I think you two would just about fit the costumes. We'd compensate you for your time, of course."

"What kind of costumes?" asked Shadow cautiously.

"Oh, standard clothing for the times. Don't worry, everyone else will be wearing the same sort of thing."

Shadow still didn't look convinced, but Rouge jumped in for him.

"It sounds exciting!" she said eagerly. "We'll do it! Thanks very much for the opportunity, mister."

"Wonderful! Go talk to the costume department, we'll see if the costumes fit you."

Shadow still didn't look too enthusiastic about the matter. His enthusiasm was even further dulled when he tried on his costume. It was a little black caballero-type outfit, with a jacket, silver studs by all the seams, and a flat-brimmed hat with little beads hanging from the edge.

"What in the world will it be next?" asked Shadow impatiently. "Remind me why I'm agreeing to this?"

"Oh come on, you look pretty good in that," said Rouge, hiding a grin.

"Sure, laugh it up," retorted Shadow. "_You'll_ be wearing a dress."

"Says who?"

"Believe me."

Sure enough, Rouge soon came back from the costume department with an old-fashioned dull-pink dress—and pinafore, petticoat, even a little bonnet that barely managed to hold down her large ears. She didn't look over comfortable; she wasn't big on dresses. Especially when they held down both her wings and her ears.

"Told you," was Shadow's only remark. "At least it fits you."

"Not another word," warned Rouge.

"Well, this _was_ your idea."

Soon they were hustled off to act in the first show. Their first gig was a very easy one; all they had to do was sit on the back of a wagon during the skit about the covered wagon train coming to town. That went without a hitch. Their next appearance was supposed to be during the stagecoach holdup and shootout, so they changed out of their costumes for the break. The costume department manager allowed them to look around all they wanted, so they did.

"Hey look," said Rouge. "This is the outfit that the stagecoach robber is going to wear in the show after this one!"

"And a real pistol, too," said Shadow admiringly, hefting the weapon. "Lucky dog. This is quite a beauty."

"I really don't get your fascination with firearms," sighed Rouge.

"Well then, I feel sorry for you," shrugged Shadow, sighting on a nearby post. "Think they'd mind if I fired this thing once?"

"You can't fire that off! What if you hit someone?"

"It's blanks, Rouge." Shadow rolled his eyes. "They wouldn't use _real_ bullets!"

He aimed carelessly and pulled the trigger. There was a sharp retort, and the top of the post suddenly exploded into splinters. The two Mobians stood frozen in shock for a moment. Then they both dove for the ammunition case. Rouge watched as Shadow ripped the case open and poured the contents into his hand.

"Real bullets," he whispered. "Sweet Mobius. This is going to end badly! We'd better—"

He turned to Rouge, only to find her slumped on the ground, out cold.

"Rouge?!"

He was just crouching to see if she was all right when a blinding pain exploded into the top of his head. A beautiful fountain of stars shot across his vision, then melted smoothly into utter darkness.


	25. Wild West Hero Part 2

**A/N: Requested material for bearvalley3365! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**And the song referenced is ELO's "Wild West Hero." Very pretty tune!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the song.**

* * *

Eventually the darkness changed. Instead of darkness without thought or consciousness, it became darkness with a musty, smoky smell, and a throbbing pain between the ears.

_I must have my eyes closed,_ thought Shadow blearily. But although he opened them as wide as he could, he still didn't see a thing. He didn't feel anything covering them . . . wait, why couldn't he move?

Soon he realized that his wrists and ankles were tightly bound. Not just bound any which way, though—bound back-to-back to Rouge's wrists and ankles. The "stagecoach robber" must have caught them looking through his ammunition!

Well, that answered one question. But where were they? It couldn't be nighttime; it was too dark even for that. And there was something that felt like gravel underneath him . . . Maybe Rouge could shed some (metaphorical) light on the situation. Her night vision was no better than Shadow's, but she did have echolocation.

"Rouge," called Shadow, and noted with surprise that his voice echoed strangely. This was getting unnerving. Where in the world were they?

He tugged at Rouge's wrists and called again. Eventually she groaned and stirred slightly.

"Owwwww, my head. Wh-what the—"

"Wake up, Rouge," said Shadow. "The stagecoach robber must have tied us up somewhere. Can you figure out where we are with echolocation?"

"Who needs echolocation?" said Rouge, still sounding a little dizzy. "It's dark, it's echoey, and it smells like the inside of a chimney. We're in a railway tunnel."

"Right." Shadow fought back the urge to growl at missing such an obvious conclusion. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"No . . . oh my gosh, I hope we didn't miss the stagecoach holdup! We have to warn everybody! Oh gosh, do you think they've started it yet?"

Suddenly Shadow laughed grimly.

"No, no, they haven't started it yet. There was supposed to be the visit by the steam train first, remember?"

A moment of silence.

"You know, it might be a good idea to get out of here," said Rouge at length.

"You think so?" Definite note of sarcasm there.

"Blast it! I don't know if I can get to my file with my wrists tied like this."

"Forget the file, I can break these ropes easily," said Shadow. "But it would probably hurt."

"Do it," said Rouge. "I'm a big girl, I can take it."

"Thought you'd say that," said Shadow approvingly. "Arteries turned inwards, then."

Setting his teeth, he drew his hands apart forcefully. The rope dug hard into both their wrists for only a second, then snapped loudly. The echo from that sound had only just died away when there suddenly came another sound: the chugging of a locomotive.

Swearing under his breath, Shadow reached down and began to tear at the ropes binding their ankles. Rouge snatched her file and rapidly sawed apart the rope binding her wings, then switched her attention to the ankle rope as well. The train's headlamp glowed feverishly in the distance, while a deafening racket and choking smoke far preceded it.

"Got it!" barked Shadow, as the last rope shredded to bits. "Let's go!"

He grabbed Rouge by the wrist and shot down the tunnel, with the train howling just on their heels. Rouge couldn't keep up with Shadow's pace; she kept stumbling, and they weren't drawing ahead of the train at all. Spreading her wings, she lifted off the ground and let herself glide. Their speed picked up significantly.

"How long is this tunnel?" growled Shadow.

"There's the light at the end!" called Rouge.

They soon shot out into the afternoon sunshine. Shadow wasted no time in diving off the tracks—which wasn't really the best move, because the tunnel led straight to a high trestle bridge, with open space on either side.

"You're lucky my wings are free," sighed Rouge, as the train thundered by to their left.

"Let me go, I need to get back to the village fast!" said Shadow impatiently.

"Well, I'm coming with you! That guy has a gun you know!"

Nodding resignedly, Shadow dropped to the ground and took off in the direction of the village.

Back at the Wild West village, the train arrived in all its clanking and whooshing glory. Everyone crowded around it, the tourists looking on while the actors played their various parts—all except one. One fellow in a long black coat and a hat pulled tightly over his ears kept sidling up to the front of the train, eyeing the cowcatcher.

"They must have escaped somehow," he muttered angrily. "We're in for it if they manage to get back here!" His voice seemed to change slightly. "Best make a getaway now." A slight pause, and his voice changed again. "But what about the next show? People will get suspicious if the stagecoach robber suddenly doesn't make an appearance."

Growling, he shuffled off to the costume department.

Suddenly there was a roar of wings and jet shoes, and two small hurricanes bowled the man over. A furious brawl began—the guy was no slouch when it came to fighting. It didn't help the matter that he suddenly broke in half, and each half continued to fight even more viciously than the unified item.

Shadow kept a cool head as usual. He tussled his half of the fellow in Rouge's general direction, then tangled him up in the black coat (which was now much too long).

"Rouge!" he hollered. "Throw your half over here, could you?"

Rouge twitched one ear to show she had heard, then pulled back and kicked her half of the villain sideways, so he fell over the other half. Meanwhile, Shadow drew back his hand.

"Chaos . . . SPEAR!"

There was a blinding flash of light, and both halves of the contestant fell over, unconscious.

"Had to get them both—only had enough Chaos energy for one shot," shrugged Shadow. "Hope it wasn't a bother?"

"Oh, not at all," said Rouge politely. "You're too kind."

"What's going on here?!" bellowed a voice. A horde of tourists and actors and the manager were all running over to see what had happened.

"This guy was going to use real bullets for the stagecoach holdup!" said Rouge.

"These _guys_," corrected Shadow, as both halves of the villain began to groan and stir. He tugged the coat unceremoniously off them. A gasp went up from the crowd—it was two more Mobians! A panda and a gorilla.

"Oh, sweet Mobius, no," groaned Rouge. "Noah and Spencer! Did you really have to follow us here, too?"

"You know these . . . creatures?" spluttered the manager.

"Unfortunately," growled Shadow. "They're brothers, and partners in crime. They're always showing up _everywhere_ on Mobius, poking their noses in where they aren't wanted and generally doing their best to get themselves jailed. We've dealt with them half a hundred times already, and let me tell you, we're heartily sick of them."

"How do you suppose they got here?" asked Rouge.

"Same way we did," sighed Shadow. "And that's the way they're going back, too."

"G.U.N. is going to have a lot to say to you two," scowled Rouge, glaring down the groggy Mobians.

"Hold it!" warned the manager. "You can't just cart these two off like villains without any proof! What if they're innocent?"

"Fine," said Shadow impatiently. "I'll keep an eye on these two clowns. Rouge, go show them the bullets, would you?"

Nodding, Rouge dove off to the costume department, followed by the manager and a crowd of other people. The manager went through the stagecoach robber's gear till he found the ammunition case.

"These are blanks," he said grimly, looking up.

Rouge didn't bat an eyelash.

"Let me see," she said lightly, digging into the chest where the actor's costume and equipment were kept. Within seconds her fingers discovered a secret panel in the back of a drawer. She pulled it out, and a cascade of bullets rolled into the drawer.

"Great jumping Jehosophat," breathed the manager. Rouge blew out her breath disdainfully, tossing the secret panel aside.

"Amateurs."

A while later, the Earth branch of G.U.N. came to take Noah and Spencer away. The stagecoach robbery was cancelled, which did not at all bother Shadow and Rouge—they weren't too keen to wear those costumes again.

"I can't thank you enough," said the manager gratefully. "I can't imagine what kind of a horrible tragedy that would have been. You two are an amazing pair."

Shadow shrugged smugly and folded his arms in his usual manner. Rouge spread her hands, grinning.

"What can I say? We make it our business to be epic."

* * *

The two Mobians stayed with the village for the night. In the evening, the actors lit several large campfires and gathered around them, playing banjos and guitars and singing cowboy songs. Rouge and Shadow stayed by a smaller fire to the side, Shadow lying back with his hands tucked under his head, Rouge gazing drowsily into the flames.

"That's not even classic Western, that's the Electric Light Orchestra," muttered Shadow, as the guitarist announced his next number.

"Oh, hush. It's a good song," retorted Rouge.

Shadow rolled his eyes and dropped the subject.

"Good to have some action again, huh?" remarked Rouge at length.

"I guess so. I was getting bored. It's been too long since I've Chaos Speared anyone."

"Lucky dog," sighed Rouge enviously. "You get to break your end of the deal, and I don't get to swipe anything."

"You could always swipe those costumes."

"No way! Bring up those costumes one more time, and I'll feed the bonnet to WidowMaker."

Shadow chuckled under his breath, then yawned. The guitarist's voice was giving out, and it seemed he only had three strings on his guitar, but otherwise the night was peaceful and star-flecked.

"Same stars as on Mobius, aren't they?"

"Mm-hm. You know, I could get used to life on the range," said Rouge contentedly.

"But not the bonnets, eh?"

"No. Not the bonnets."


	26. Don't Look Now

**A/N: To bearvalley3365: Ah, I get it. You know, if you want Noah and Spencer to become famous, the FanFiction website is probably not the place to try. This is a place where people write about characters that are already famous, so OC's would have a REALLY hard time getting broadly popular. You'd be much better off talking to a company that could actually develop the concepts. On this website, you could maybe get a few fanfics about them, and that's all. But if you talk to a real company, the characters could maybe get their own video games or movies or stuff. Much better way to make them well-known, believe me. ^_^"**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Some people just live in their own little worlds. It can be annoying, but then again, it can cut down on stress. The motorcycle had just run out of gas in a region that was supposedly infamous for Bigfoot sightings, and Rouge _would_ have been nervous about walking to the gas station . . . if she hadn't been buried in a tabloid she had picked up yesterday. How she managed to read it and keep up with Shadow's no-nonsense stride at the same time was a real mystery.

"I'm tempted to just break the sound barrier and leave you behind," remarked Shadow, mostly to himself. "You wouldn't even notice that you were alone, would you?"

"Mmm."

"Besides," continued Shadow annoyedly. "I'd be back in two or three minutes anyway."

"Mm-hmm."

"Pretty much the only reason I'm walking instead of skating is because I was hoping to see Bigfoot. If everyone else around here has seen him, I figured I might as well have a look too."

"Ah."

"Also, I suppose if I left you alone for even two minutes, you'd manage to get yourself kidnapped by the local celebrity."

"Eh, I think I could handle him," said Rouge. Shadow raised an eyebrow—so she had been listening after all!

"Speaking of celebrities," continued Rouge. "This tabloid is freaking me out. I wouldn't want to be a celebrity for all the jewels in Xanadu."

"That's a tall order," said Shadow. "What's so bad about it?"

"Well, you never get any peace. You never get to just go out and take a walk. The minute you step out of doors, people freak out by the dozens."

"True that. No secrets, no privacy, nothing. People searching for you every minute of every day, hoping to get a news story about you."

"And with cameras, trying to get pictures of everything you do," agreed Rouge. "Being a celebrity must really suck."

"Tell me about it," grumbled the tall, hairy creature just behind them.


	27. Rush Hour

**A/N: Request for starfiction123! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Speaking of requests! I was thinking I'd bring this to fifty chapters, like the fifty states. Right now I have forty-five chapters. So, last chance to make any requests! Any landmarks or cities you think should be visited? Any sort of Earth-type thing that would probably confuse two Mobians? **

**And the landmarks certainly don't have to be super-famous or anything. If you live near a cool regional landmark, I'd love to write about it too!**

**EDIT 08/11/13: All request slots are now filled! Thanks for understanding. ^_^"**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the book or movie _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang._**

* * *

"Isn't this what they call deja vu?" asked Shadow through his teeth. It was the second time they'd been unwise enough to try getting through a city at four PM on a Monday. From the looks of it, things would be even worse than the first time. The motorcycle hadn't moved at all for twenty minutes.

"Relax, Shads," said Rouge. "So there's a traffic jam. So what? Now I have a chance to read this map and figure out how to get out of this city!"

"I begin to see where this whole 'Escape from the City' concept comes from," muttered Shadow. "For once Faker had the right idea. Nevermind the cars, just toss 'em down the street."

"Those were unoccupied," scolded Rouge. "Take it easy, Shadow. Relax and let me read this map."

"I'm not going to relax when you're trying to use the back of my head as a map table. Cut that out."

"Believe me, I would, if I had a choice in the matter. It's not a very good map table."

Shadow drew in his breath slowly, then turned around and grabbed the map from a very indignant bat.

"Hey! Gimme that!"

Deliberately Shadow folded up the map and handed it back.

"You won't need it, Rouge," he said. "We're taking a detour."

"Wait, what?"

"For once I'm glad that the sidecar got destroyed," grinned Shadow, turning back to the road.

"What do you mean, 'for once'? You know you smashed it on—"

Rouge got no further, because Shadow had suddenly stepped on the gas and swerved the motorcycle hard to the left. It slipped right between two cars, then veered around a bus. There were benefits to having a hedgehog-sized motorcycle, and the lack of a sidecar made it much more maneuverable.

"I'm not sure this is legal," gulped Rouge, holding on for dear life as the motorcycle weaved rapidly around the stalled traffic.

"Don't worry. We're low enough to the ground that we can't be seen among all these cars."

"Great, so that means we're also very easy to overlook and run over!"

"True, true. But not on my watch."

"Oh, that makes me feel soooo much better."

Shadow suddenly brought the motorcycle to a screeching halt. There was a merging intersection just ahead, and the cars were too tightly packed to squeeze between. He looked around for a moment.

"Rouge," he said over his shoulder. "Better hang on tight."

"Don't tell me you're trying to reenact _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_ with a motorcycle."

"Nah."

Shadow suddenly hit the gas again and pulled the bike hard to the right. On the right, there happened to be a closed road, blocked with the standard orange-and-white striped sawhorses.

"Shads, I don't think this is a good idea," gulped Rouge, as the barriers drew ever closer. "What in the world are you—"

Suddenly Shadow threw the motorcycle into a sideways skid. He tilted it hard—Rouge had the presence of mind to duck—and they shot right under one of the sawhorses and screeched to a halt on the other side.

"Well," said Shadow, with a note of satisfaction in his voice. "Guess we'll have this road all to ourselves now."

Rouge resumed breathing and shook her head in annoyance.

"It's probably closed for a good reason."

"Eh, a little construction work never stopped me. You can put that map to good use now, figuring out where this road will take us."

"The bottom of a river."

"What?"

Rouge tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the very non-existent bridge in front of them.


	28. Down in the Valley

**A/N: Okay bearvalley, one more time. You really should get an account, buddy! Then I could PM you. ^_^ **

**So, I'm not sure what kind of plans you have for your characters. If you think they'd be good in a video game, you could write to SEGA or Nintendo. Or if you think a movie would be better, try Disney or Pixar or DreamWorks. For a TV series . . . not really sure what kind of companies make TV series. Scholastic? When you're watching your favorite TV show, check the logos that play after the credits. Those are the companies making the show. And as to books, just check which company publishes your favorite series. Hope that helps! Good luck.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co. And yes, there really is a Grand Canyon in Pennsylvania!**

* * *

"Pennsylvania Grand Canyon," remarked Rouge, reading the signs by the road. "Do you think? . . . "

"I guess," sighed Shadow. "Just to see if it's any different from the real one."

"Great! I was hoping to hear an eagle scream."

"What?"

"You know! In the movies, whenever there's a canyon or maybe a desert, you hear a bald eagle screaming! I want to hear one."

"Three objections, Rouge. First of all, that's not a bald eagle you hear. Bald eagles sound like chickens. The movies use the cry of the red-tailed hawk. Second of all—"

"Channeling Tails, are we now?" interrupted Rouge. "Well then, fine. I want to hear the red-tailed hawk scream in the canyon!"

"Second of all," said Shadow firmly, "you _know_ that only happens in the movies. Third of all, just as proof, we were at the real Grand Canyon, and we didn't hear a single scream now, did we?"

"I think I heard a lady screaming when you jumped off the scenic overlook."

"Very funny. Hawks, Rouge. Did you hear any hawks screaming?"

"Well, no. But we weren't really paying attention! We were busy with the binoculars and the mission. This time, I'm just gonna relax and listen to the hawks screaming."

"There will not be any hawks screaming."

"Of course there will. I'll bet you five bucks there will."

"I'll take you up on that," growled Shadow. "Ten bucks against your five that there won't be any hawks screaming."

"You're on!"

They arrived at the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon, parked the motorcycle, and trotted over to the scenic overlook. Rouge caught her breath.

"It's even more beautiful than the other one! It's so green . . . "

"There's a little house down there at the bottom," said Shadow, leaning over the wooden railing. He swung back upright and glanced at Rouge. "But no hawks screaming."

"Oh, they'll scream," said Rouge. "Eventually they'll scream."

Shadow rolled his eyes.

They discovered the little trail that led to the bottom of the canyon, and went down it. Suddenly there came a hoarse screeching sound.

"A hawk! A hawk! I told you!" sang Rouge.

"No, that's a bluejay," said Shadow, pointing up into a tree. A sleek blue bird was hopping around in the branches, screaming and flapping its wings.

"Oh," said Rouge disappointedly. "It's a pretty bird, though."

"I don't know," said Shadow, already continuing on. "For some reason it gets on my nerves."

"Because it's blue, noisy, and way too hyper," laughed Rouge, following him.

They reached the bottom of the canyon and wandered around, but were a bit disappointed that they couldn't go to see the little house. Rouge liked all the little waterfalls on the way down, though Shadow was getting impatient.

"We've wasted enough time here already," he grumbled, as Rouge tried to figure out how to take pictures with their G.U.N. cellphone. "Let's go."

"You're just hoping to leave before the hawk screams," retorted Rouge.

"No, I'm hoping to leave before it gets dark and they throw us out."

"Oh, fine," sighed Rouge, putting away the cell phone and launching into the air. "Race you to the top? First one to touch the info board about hawks wins!"

Shadow nodded resignedly and whisked off up the trail, zigzagging back and forth across the canyon's side. Meanwhile, Rouge flapped straight up into the air, the canyon breeze singing under her wings. In the end she beat Shadow by about two-fifths of a second.

"Lucky," shrugged Shadow.

"Can't stand losing?" grinned Rouge as they turned back to the parking lot.

"Who's losing? We haven't heard a single hawk screaming all this time. You lost the bet."

"We haven't left the canyon just yet," said Rouge stubbornly.

"For the love of Mike," grumbled Shadow, glaring over his shoulder as they approached the motorcycle. "You're going to worm out of fulfilling the bet, aren't you?"

"Nah. No need to."

Shadow turned around to find a large red-tailed hawk sitting on the motorcycle's handlebars. It was so close he could easily have reached out and tweaked its beak, not like he intended to. The bird ruffled its feathers and glared with one eye.

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" it suddenly screamed, more or less blowing Shadow back onto the tarmac. Rouge tapped the very surprised hedgehog on the shoulder.

"Pay up."


	29. Motorcycle Recycle

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Despite Shadow and Rouge's best efforts, money was becoming increasingly scarce for the two of them. They kept coming up with increasingly creative ways to save it or earn it, but things were still shaky. Rouge was tempted over and over to just swipe an item here and there, but Shadow kept a tight eye on her.

Then, while they were poking through a grocery store looking for sales, Rouge saw something.

"Shadow, look at that poster! They're having a town parade this afternoon!"

"Good for them," said Shadow. "Don't even think about it."

"No, no, you'll like this! They're having a decorating competition, where people dress up their cars or trucks or _motorcycles!_ And there's a five. hundred. dollar. PRIZE! Five freakin' hundred dollars, Shadow! Think about it!"

"I'm thinking about it," said Shadow grimly. "And I'm thinking about the gashes in the bike's paintwork. And I'm thinking about us not having a single thing to decorate it with. And I'm thinking about how much decorations must cost. If you're going to dress up that motorcycle so it has even a _chance_ of first prize, you'd need to spend six hundred dollars at least."

"Nothing of the kind," scoffed Rouge. "I have a ton of ideas for _free_ decorations. We just need to find a recycling bin . . . "

"You are not going to put recycling materials on my motorcycle." No particular emphasis, very calmly spoken. It brooked no denial.

"Shads, believe me! I have an idea for a theme! We'll purposely try to make it look really scruffy, and we'll make _ourselves_ look really scruffy, and we'll pose as hobos or something. I promise there'll be no permanent damage to the bike. If we don't win, no harm done. If we do win—think about it!"

"Let me get this straight," said Shadow, folding his arms. "You want us to look as bad as possible, an absolute fright, a real terrifying abomination—and then you want to proceed down the town's main street in a parade?"

"Exactly!"

Shadow looked at Rouge silently for a moment, then shook his head to hide a smile.

"Okay. If that's what you want."

"Don't you grin, wise guy. When money is this scarce, for five hundred dollars, I'd catch a grenade."

"Really?"

"Don't get ideas."

The town, fortunately, had a very cool recycling center, the kind that took batteries and old refrigerators and everything. Rouge and Shadow explained their situation politely, and got permission to dig around to their hearts' content and at their own risk.

"Lookit!" said Rouge delightedly. "Somebody's thrown out a ton of party streamers! We can hang these from the handlebars and tail and everything."

"And this goes on the front of the handlebars," said Shadow, jumping out of a plastic recycling bin.

"Ugh, what _is_ that?"

"I think it's a kind of plastic toy. Some variant of Frankenstein?"

"It looks like it just crawled out of the grave."

"That's the point, isn't it?" Shadow tied the gruesome little monster toy to the handlebars.

"Oh, a plastic tablecloth!" called Rouge. "And a metal pole! Looks like we've got a flag to stick on the back!"

"And we can just randomly put cardboard and newspapers here and there, I guess."

"Tin cans!" said Rouge delightedly, surfacing out of another bin. "Perfect! I once saw a car that had tin cans tied to the back—they were noisy as heck. We want to attract a lot of attention!"

"When we're looking like this," groaned Shadow. "I'm tempted to have you drive this thing alone in that parade."

"No way. If I ride this ridiculous thing, sure as heck you're coming along too."

Shadow sighed and kept digging around. Presently he turned up holding a half-full can of white paint primer.

"Put it over everything," he instructed wearily. "The cardboard, the cans, the motorcycle, everything except the tires. The bike'll have to be repainted when we get home anyway, and it'll at least look better when it's all the same color."

It was no easy task, without paintbrushes, but they managed to spread the paint over everything except the tires and, after some thought, the seats.

"You know, it actually looks good now!" marvelled Rouge, surveying their handiwork. "Maybe we shouldn't go for the hobo theme after all. We could make some wings out of cardboard, and it'd be like a swan-bike."

"Don't push it, Rouge," sighed Shadow.

While they were waiting for the paint to dry, they tried to spruce themselves up a little. Shadow spat on his gloves and slicked down his quills till he looked like he'd been lubricated; Rouge smoothed out her hair and put on extra makeup.

"Do I look okay?" she asked. "I wish I had something else to wear . . . "

"You have those pajamas," remarked Shadow, then ducked.

"I meant a dress or skirt or something, wise guy."

"You hate dresses."

"I know, I know, but I was hoping to look a little more fancy . . . "

Shadow considered, then stepped to the edge of the tarmac and gathered some wildflowers.

"How's that?" he asked, handing them to Rouge. "You could put them behind your ears, or make a chain out of 'em like Cream does, I dunno."

"Hmm . . . " Rouge stifled a sigh—the bouquet was half dandelions. Still, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. She looped some of the flowers together deftly and tucked them over her ears. The rest she kept in a little bouquet.

"And one for you," she joked, tucking a daisy behind Shadow's ear. She'd expected him to growl and toss it aside crossly, but instead he pulled it off his head and gravely tucked it into the edge of the fur-fluff on his chest, like a carnation in the buttonhole of a suit. She stifled a grin and said nothing.

The time for the parade came near. Rouge and Shadow were dismayed at the entry fee, but managed to argue it down to a lower amount. Their peculiar appearance may have helped.

"I still can't believe I'm doing this," groaned Shadow, looking with dismay upon the strangely-outfitted motorcycle.

"Well, believe it," said Rouge cheerfully.

"I'm backing out."

Rouge caught a retreating Shadow by the wrist.

"Ohhhh, no you don't. We already paid the entry fee. Come on, we'll be the best in the show, I promise!"

"You, as the echidna says, are batty," grumbled Shadow, climbing despairingly onto the motorcycle.

As soon as they got a look at the competition, their hearts sank; they didn't stand a chance. The other vehicles were pretty stunning, evidently the product of days or even weeks of work—and higher budgets. But they really couldn't back out now—they had already been assigned a place in the line.

"I'm gonna be sick," groaned Rouge, leaning her forehead on the back of Shadow's neck.

"Don't you dare. Half of success lies in the presentation," growled Shadow under his breath. "Sit up straight, look confident, smile if it suits you. Act like you know this is the best vehicle in the whole freakin' parade, and you'll fool everyone else into thinking there's something special about this junkheap."

Even sick as she felt, Rouge couldn't resist.

"Oh, is that how you keep up the whole Ultimate-Life-Form reputation? Sheer confidence?"

"Put a sock in it."

They put on their best confident expressions and proceeded, the streamers flapping, the tin cans rattling behind them. Sure enough, they got quite a lot of appreciation from the crowd, no less than anyone else in the parade, maybe even a little more. By the end of the parade, Rouge was smiling for real.

"That was kind of fun!" she admitted, as the vehicles lined up at the end of the parade route so the judges could see them. "I know we won't win, but at least we didn't make total fools of ourselves."

"Sez you."

Rouge elbowed him playfully. They waited patiently as the judges went from vehicle to vehicle. They didn't stop too long in front of the motorcycle, but they did seem to be very smiley all the while.

"A very nice job, considering. You poor ducks were on a budget, I see," cooed one of the judges. "What a beautiful way to make the best of everything, even in adversity. All our congratulations."

"Well thanks," said Rouge politely.

"A lot of time wasted on this, still," muttered Shadow under his breath. "Let's go."

"No, I want to see who won!"

Shadow shut his eyes, but said nothing.

To nobody's great surprise, a spectacularly tie-dye painted sparkly pickup truck with Christmas light formations on top won first prize. Before Shadow could drag Rouge out of there, however, he heard his name being called over the speaker system. Rouge's too. The two of them looked at each other in surprise.

"Shadow the Hedgehog and Rouge the Bat," called the announcer again. "Will you please step up to the front?"

Wonderingly, they stepped up.

"It's your lucky day, you two," smiled the announcer. "The judges were so touched by your entry that they told the event sponsor about it. And our sponsor thought it was so sweet that he threw in a special extra prize, just for you! You've just won a hundred dollars. And congratulations on your marriage! You have a wonderful life ahead of you."

"Thank you very much, sir," said Shadow calmly, steadying Rouge with one hand. They didn't call him the Ultimate Life Form for nothing.


	30. Mount Rushmore

**A/N: bearvalley3365: Gosh, your mom would be mad if you got an account? How come? Though I'm impressed that you respect that and don't just get an account anyway. Kudos! **

**And no, sorry, probably no more Noah or Spencer. It wouldn't be fair, because the requests other people make only last for one chapter. Besides, I don't really know what to do with them, since they're not my characters. But good luck with them in the future! If I see those two in their own TV series someday, I'll be able to tell people I talked with their designer. Cool! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

Mount Rushmore was somewhat lost on the two Mobians. Shadow was still in a furiously bad mood about the whole parade fiasco, and Rouge stayed quiet to avoid trouble. Shadow had pulled over to look at the landmark without being asked, but only because he didn't feel like having to speak if Rouge did happen to ask. They didn't say anything for a long time. Rouge looked up at the stone monument quietly.

"Can we go now?" asked Shadow through his teeth at last. "We've been looking at this stupid rock for half an hour now."

"Don't say that," Rouge scolded. "It's a national landmark! I was listening to the tour guide. Those guys up there are former presidents!"

"Big deal," growled Shadow. "I don't care for any kind of presidents."

"Shads, I'd show some respect if I were you," warned Rouge. "You don't want to make them mad. First of all, they're presidents. Second of all, considering the size of their heads, imagine how big the rest of them must be!"

Shadow slapped his forehead irately.

"Luckily, you are not me. So forget it."

"Just for that, I'm staying here even longer."

Shadow flopped back onto a bench, growling. He glowered up at the Mount Rushmore with one eye, then glowered at his shoe with both eyes. Soon, however, both his eyes started getting heavy with the warm sunlight, the pleasant woodsy smell, and the low babblement of chatting tourists. He drifted off to sleep sitting up.

And man, did he ever have the _wildest_ dreams. It gave him a healthy respect for presidents, anyway.


	31. Fifteen Minutes of Fame

**A/N: Requested material for lydiathetigeropean! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or any kind of TV show that may be referenced!**

* * *

Rouge and Shadow were at a gas station, and even though they were still barely speaking to each other, they were most thoroughly dismayed.

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked Rouge.

"I've calculated it in every possible way, including with integral calculus. Unless we give up eating, we're not going to have enough money to pay for gas."

"We could sell the motorcycle," suggested Rouge.

"Oh, that's a wonderful idea," said Shadow through his teeth. "Sell the motorcycle to pay for gas_._ Why didn't I think of that?!"

"Don't you get snappish. I was _joking_, for crying out loud."

"Yeah, I know you were, and that's why I'm getting snappish. This is not the time for joking."

"Well, when _you_ think it _is_ the time for joking, I'll alert the media!"

"Excuse me," a voice interrupted the brewing squabble. "Excuse me!"

The two Mobians turned to look up at a middle-aged fellow who was awkwardly approaching them. Rouge blushed slightly at being caught in such a situation, but Shadow merely gave the man a cold stare.

"What do you want?"

"Well, er, how to say this," said the man, tugging at his ear in embarrassment. "I'm Sammy Houston, and I, uh, I noticed that you two had a lot of . . . err . . . well, spirit! Verve! Attitude! You have strong personalities!"

"I'll admit, that's about the nicest way to put it," said Rouge drily. "You want us for a movie or something?"

"Sort of," said Mr. Houston sheepishly. "You see, we need some more contestants for a lot of the shows we're producing in the nearby studio. You two are certainly the most . . . unusual contestants we could ever find, and you've got the perfect personalities too! Would you like to try out for a TV show?"

"Do we get paid?" asked Shadow unwillingly.

"Sure. And if you get on a game show and win, you could get thousands or millions!"

"Ohh, we're so in!" whooped Rouge. "Lead us to it, mister!"

* * *

Before long, Shadow and Rouge had been taken to an enormous studio. There were something like twenty shows being filmed there, on as many different stages.

"This way, please!" called Mr. Houston. "I'll introduce you to the director, and he'll tell you where we have some open spaces for you to try out."

As the two Mobians followed Mr. Houston, Rouge stopped short. They were passing by a gigantic glass tank full of water, and in that water cruised a lone shark. It wasn't your cliché Great White either; it was the swift and deadly Shortfin Mako. It slipped back and forth along the glass, with its flat and lifeless eyes trained on Rouge.

Rouge stopped, hands on hips.

"What are _you_ lookin' at, tuna breath?"

The shark continued to glide and stare, opening its mouth slightly. Unlike the pointy triangle teeth of a Great White, it had a mouthful of deadly-looking needles.

"Don't you grin at _me,_ you overgrown sardine!"

Rouge was about to tell that shark what she thought when a firm grip closed around her wrist. Turning, she saw Shadow, giving her a look that said "don't even _think_ about it." Scowling, he jerked his head towards Mr. Houston and headed after the man again. Rouge sighed in annoyance. She turned back to the still-cruising Mako just long enough to stick out her tongue as far as she could, then dashed off after the two guys.

Rouge and Shadow didn't want to work together. Most of the shows only needed one more participant anyway, so the two of them split up. They tried all kinds of shows . . . and it didn't go so well.

Shadow tried out for a show where contestants completed obstacle courses. They wanted to see how he did on a preliminary course, but Shadow only laughed when he saw it. Almost before the tester finished yelling "go!" Shadow was at the end of the course. Stunned, they had him try the hardest course in the show, and he still breezed through it so fast he turned into a blur. They sent him away in disgust. Shadow snorted, unimpressed.

Meanwhile, Rouge tried out for a game show, participating in a preliminary round that would never appear on television. If she won it, she would go on to a real televised round . . . and yes, she intended to win it. Super spy that she was, she managed to surreptitiously hack the main computer. The little screen that usually gave contestants the questions gave her the answers instead. She would have gotten away with it too, except her hack job somehow interfered with the buzzer system. The minute she pressed her buzzer, _all_ the buzzers went off—and didn't stop! It was deafening. She would have been sent away in disgrace, except she was already bolting with her hands over her ears. So much for that.

Shadow tried out for a ridiculous-challenge type of show, for reasons only Quantum Theory could explain. For his practice challenge, he was given a large bowl of gummy bears and a pair of chopsticks, and told he had one minute to get all the gummy bears onto a tiny round table ten feet away.

The starting buzzer went off, and Shadow wasted no time. In a matter of seconds, he had swallowed down every last gummy bear. Then he stomped over the table and climbed up on top of it.

"What the bloody dickens are you doing?!" growled the tester.

"You said I had to get the gummy bears on top of the table," Shadow growled back, his arms folded. "Look me in the eye and tell me those gummy bears are not physically over the table now!"

He was sent away in disgrace. Needless to say, he was again unimpressed.

Rouge tried out for a singing and talent show. She wasn't about to sing in front of people (although she flattered herself that she could handle Rihanna or Lady Gaga quite well), so she tried out for the talent division.

"So, what are your talents?" asked the tester.

"I can swipe things so you don't even know what hit you!" she declared proudly. "I'll show you! Close your eyes."

"Most certainly not!" spluttered the tester.

"You blinked!" sang Rouge, holding up the guy's wallet.

"Give me that! Good grief. Don't you have any other talents?!"

"I'm good at martial arts," ventured Rouge, figuring that spy abilities would be hard to show off on stage.

"Okay, that sounds better," sighed the tester. "What's your big showstopper? Brick-smashing? Board-breaking?"

"Oh, I don't focus on any one thing," scoffed Rouge. "I'll break anything you like. Watch!"

She launched into a Screw Kick, taking out two stage lights and a camera trolley.

And she was sent away in disgrace.

Shadow tried out for a fighting show, where the basic objective was to pound your opponent into submission.

"Gladiators," he muttered. "Well, let's try it. Who am I fighting?"

"Me!" bellowed a tall man who appeared to be ninety-five percent muscle. He could probably knock down a house by poking the doorbell. "What kind of a joke is this? You're a pipsqueak!"

Shadow raised his eyebrows Vulcan-style as they both stepped into the ring.

"I'm not a pipsqueak, I'm a hedgehog. Shadow the Hedgehog. Who are you?"

"I go by The Boar!" bellowed the guy. "I've won ninety-eight brawls in a row, most with punks heavier than me. When I win my one hundredth brawl, I'll raise my title to The Great Boar!"

Shadow's eye twitched slightly.

"Say . . . what?"

"The Great Boar!" bellowed the combatant.

"Oh . . . kay." Shadow forced down a smirk. "Less talk, more fighting."

One point five seconds later, Mr. Boar was on the floor.

"T'cha," snorted Shadow, turning to leave. "Pathetic."

"Get back here, you coward!" hollered The Boar, scrambling to his feet. "The match isn't over yet!"

"I stop hitting when I've won," said Shadow coldly over his shoulder.

"You didn't win! I'm still standing!"

"Don't make me hurt you, bozo. I try not to attack the defenseless, tempting though it may be."

"You can't leave!" bellowed The Boar. "I'm too close to my hundredth win to blow it due to a (bleep)in' forfeit!"

"Forget the hundredth win," growled Shadow, stalking off. "Believe me, you're a great bore already."

Rouge was having even worse luck. She just couldn't seem to find any kind of show that needed a contestant and suited her style. But at last, she found one . . . a do-terrifying-things show.

Shadow was still stewing over the disappointing match when he overheard two stagehands chatting.

"Boy, wish I could go see that," chuckled one. "Always fun to see people freaking out in the shark tank. What did you say that new contestant was?"

"She claims she's a bat, but I don't believe it," replied the other. "She looks more like a—"

Shadow didn't stick around. He shot off to find the director.

"What's this I hear about Rouge and the shark tank?" he demanded the instant he found the guy.

"It's a practice challenge for our show," replied the director. "You have to go in the tank with Mikey the Mako and stay there for a full two minutes."

"Are you out of your mind?!" snarled Shadow. "You can't send Rouge in there! It'll be a—a massacre! A bloodbath!"

"Take it easy, sir," protested the director. "Stay calm! It's a perfectly safe, controlled environment. I promise you she will not be harmed! Why, she's been in there for almost a full minute already, and—"

Shadow wasted no more time. He shoved the director aside unceremoniously (and none too gently), and charged towards the shark tank. Dear Lord . . . he hoped he wasn't too late.

At the tank, the water was frothing and foaming with the thrashing of the shark, and stagehands were crying out in helpless horror. Shadow scrambled desperately up onto the edge of the tank and leaned over the water.

"_Rouge!_"he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Rouge, for the love of Mike! _Leave that poor shark ALONE!_"

Too late. He had just enough time to duck before the shark went sailing over his head and crashed to the floor. Rouge surfaced, spat out a mouthful of saltwater, and plunged to the edge of the tank.

"And that's just for earlier, you glorified underwater garbage disposal!" she hollered down at the prone Shortfin Mako. "Come on up here and fight like a fish, why don't you?!" She noticed a very disgruntled Shadow for the first time. "Oh, hey! Go down and give that sucker an extra kick for me, will you? I swear he tried to insult Amy and Cream in fish-speak."

"Rouge," groaned Shadow, holding his head. "Rouge, Rouge, Rouge."

"I heard you the first time. What?"

"Who asked you to beat up that poor shark?"

"They did!" said Rouge cheerfully, waving her hand at the director and all the horrified stagehands.

"I doubt they wanted you to _kill_ it."

"Did I kill it?" asked Rouge anxiously. Then she brightened. "Fish for dinner for a week!"

Shadow groaned and dropped back to the floor, still rubbing his forehead wearily.

It quickly became evident that the shark was—_had been_—mechanical. Rouge was furious; she had already been salivating over all those fish dinners. More than that, all the stage crew was furious. They now had no way to test new contestants, and that shark was expensive and difficult to repair.

"I've had it with you two," growled the director. "Get out of here! We don't want you on any of the shows."

"Too high-quality for ya?" scoffed Rouge, folding her arms. "Fine."

"There go our wages," sighed Shadow, as they returned to the motorcycle.

"There go a week's worth of fish dinners!" amended Rouge plaintively.

"Oh, just knock it off with your fish dinners. We might have landed a spot if you hadn't trashed that shark!"

"Stupid shark," muttered Rouge, tying down her wings. "They could at least have let me keep it as a pet."

"What in blue blazes would you do with a pet shark?"

"Keep him," said Rouge dreamily. "I'd keep him and pet him and feed him and call him Jump."

"Uh . . . Jump?"

"Yeah. Jump the Shark."

Shadow gave her a blank look for a moment, then groaned and turned to start up the motorcycle. The argument wasn't quite forgotten just yet, but at least he and Rouge were back to teasing each other as usual.


	32. Mall Mayhem Part 1

**A/N: Okay, there was a two-shot . . . now there's gonna be a three-shot! There are just too many opportunities for disaster in your average mall.**

**bearvalley3365: Yeah, it's a "jump the shark" joke. I always thought that expression was kinda funny. And by Noah and Spencer's designer, I meant you! You created them, right? :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Jeep, or Barbie! (Is Jeep even a brand?)**

* * *

The tension between Shadow and Rouge slowly simmered down, till things were more or less back to normal. Shadow hadn't wanted to even touch the money they'd won from the vehicle parade, but at last he gave in. That improved their situation a little bit, so they figured they could afford a tiny treat. When they saw a mall, they stopped in the parking lot and ventured inside.

"Wow," said Rouge, surveying a large mall directory sign. "This place is so huge they have to have maps for it! I think I'm going to like this."

"Don't go on any wild splurges," grumbled Shadow. "It's only a hundred dollars, and technically we should be using it for food and gas. And might I remind you that this money has bad blood attached to it!"

Rouge snorted.

"Was it really _that_ bad?"

"Yes."

"Hmph." Rouge rolled her eyes and flounced forth into the depths of the mall. Shadow kept level with her easily.

"Don't walk so close," she muttered. "People will think we're together."

"Heaven forbid," replied Shadow, smirking and pulling ahead. Rouge growled half-heartedly.

Suddenly, however, she saw something that made her forget all about being annoyed. In front of a store, in the main corridor of the mall, was a large sales bin, filled to the brim with sparkling crystal bracelets of all different colors. Rouge stood, transfixed. Shadow noticed her lagging behind.

"Rouge," he called, getting no answer. "Rouge. Rouge!"

She didn't even seem to hear him. Shadow almost smiled; Rouge's obsession with shiny things was just a little over the top. He clomped back and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Rouge! Hey!"

"I hear you," grumbled Rouge, pulling away. "But gosh, these things are so beautiful . . . "

She picked one up and let it slip from hand to hand, watching the crystals glint in the light.

"Don't even think about it," sighed Shadow. "Look at the price on those things. Four hundred ninety-nine dollars! I think that's more than we _have_ right now."

Rouge glanced at the little sign indicating the price. Sighing, she put the bracelet back down with the others. Still she couldn't tear herself away. She glanced over slyly to see if Shadow was watching. He was.

"Rouge!" he said sharply. "You promised."

When Rouge still hesitated, he stepped back again, took her by the wrist, and dragged her off gently. They passed by a large pickup truck, standing right in the middle of the mall corridor.

"Geez. Somebody really doesn't know how to park," muttered Shadow.

"It's a prize for a contest," said Rouge, pointing to a sign nearby. "What I'm wondering is how they got that thing in here."

"Who knows."

"Say, wait up Shadow! What if we entered the contest? It would be cool to win a big pickup truck like that!"

"I could practically walk under that thing. I highly doubt my feet would reach the pedals."

"But we could sell it the minute we got it, and—"

"Rouge," interrupted Shadow. "I am through with contests. No."

Muttering, Rouge carried on. As they wandered along, looking around at everything, they suddenly saw something interesting. "Well, this is more like it," said Shadow with interest. "I didn't know they sold cars sized for Mobians."

"It's a big mall. I bet they sell everything!" said Rouge. "I don't know about that helicopter, but the Jeep looks pretty nice."

"Just out of curiosity, how much is it?"

Rouge wandered around the Jeep, finding no price tag. Then she glanced at the dashboard.

"Oh! Fifty cents?"

"That's ridiculous. They wouldn't sell a Jeep for fifty cents."

"Oh, and there's a coin slot! I get it. This Jeep isn't really for sale. It's for driving around the mall in!"

"Well, for fifty cents, I guess . . . "

"Okay! I get dibs on driving this thing," said Rouge, clambering into the driver's seat. Shadow dropped two quarters in the slot and pressed the Start button.

Both of them jumped when the little Jeep suddenly started to shake and make howling noises. Rouge scrambled out of the drivers' seat, her eyes wide; Shadow grabbed her by the wrist and ran. They didn't stop till they were at the other end of the mall.

"Always with your great ideas!" said Shadow annoyedly. "What the heck did you do to trigger off the alarms?"

"I didn't do anything! How do you know _you_ didn't set off the alarms?"

"Well, either way we'll be lucky if the mall police don't find us. That'd be just fine, jailed for trying to steal a stupid mall Jeep! Maybe we should just get out of here."

"No way. We haven't seen anything yet! Let's find someplace we won't get into any trouble."

"There is such a place?"

"The ancient legends speak of it," intoned Rouge reverently.

In the center of the mall, where the corridors intersected, they found a fountain with three jets of water dancing in the center, and a shallow little pool at the edge. They sat down on the fountain wall and tried to relax a bit. Rouge sighed.

"Get your mind off those bracelets," advised Shadow.

"I can't. They were so beautiful . . . couldn't I swipe just one?"

"You promised. No swiping. And most definitely _no_ paying four hundred ninety-nine dollars for a stupid bracelet. I bet those crystals weren't even real anyway."

"At that price, they must be real!"

Shadow snorted and fell silent. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed something shimmering at the bottom of the pool.

"Say," he said curiously. "There's money down there."

"You're right!" said Rouge amazedly. "What's it doing in the fountain?"

Just then, three kids came dashing up to the fountain, each clutching a penny. They tossed the coins in and leaned over the fountain wall to watch them sink.

"I wished for a skateboard," announced the oldest. "What about you?"

"I wished for a new Barbie with hair that'd never get scruffy," said his sister.

"I wished for a pony!" squealed the youngest. Her older brother ruffled her hair.

"Well, it might take a lot of pennies to get a wish that big. How about we keep trying every time we come to the mall, huh?"

"Yeah!"

Rouge and Shadow glanced at each other as the kids dashed off again.

"Wishes, huh?" said Shadow. "You want to try?"

"Are you kidding? I'm not throwing coins in there, I'm taking them _out!_ If people are just gonna throw their money away like that, I'm not about to let it go to waste."

Shadow grabbed Rouge's hand before she could plunge it underwater.

"Stop that. Don't tell me you're going to go diving into a fountain like that! Stop making a spectacle of yourself."

"Are you nuts? It's free money, just lying around waiting to be picked up!"

"Rouge, it couldn't be more than a few dollars. It's not worth getting soaked. Leave it."

Grumbling, Rouge folded her arms.

"Well, if you're going to be a downer all the time, I say we split up," she said. "You can sit here and mope if you want. I'm going to look around the stores."

Shadow gave her a narrow-eyed look. Sighing, she raised her right hand.

"And I solemnly swear I will not even go near those bracelets!"

"I'm going to want to see your pockets afterwards," warned Shadow.

"Sheesh. Don't you trust me?"

"Noooooo."

Rouge dipped her hand into the fountain and flicked a drop of water at him, then trotted off. She had a fine time poking into all the clothing stores, although most of the clothes there wouldn't even fit her. A store with kids' clothing showed more promise, but those were all too cutesy for her tastes. Then for good measure she was accosted by a salesguy trying to sell her a nail-care kit. He didn't seem at all disturbed that she was a three-foot high snowy white bat, and he refused to back off until Rouge told him in no uncertain terms that she would kick him in the shin. Then he threatened to have her arrested, so she skedaddled quick.

But the mayhem was only just beginning . . .


	33. Mall Mayhem Part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Jeep! (If it is a brand . . . )**

* * *

A while later, Rouge came tearing back to the center of the mall, where Shadow was still slouching on the edge of the fountain.

"Shadow! Come quick! You've got to see this!" she called anxiously. Shadow looked up, curious at what could rattle Rouge that much, and followed after her.

"Look at that!" said Rouge. "What in the world _is_ it?"

"Looks to be some kind of penitentiary," said Shadow grimly. "I'm surprised they have that kind of place here."

"Come to think," said Rouge, paling, "when I was walking around, I saw a place that looked like a store, but it had a grating over the front. I didn't think anything of it at the time . . . but it must have been a prison too! A human-sized one!"

"And this is the animal version," finished Shadow. He shook his head grimly. "I wonder what those poor suckers did to deserve this. Did they _all _try to steal the mall Jeeps?"

"We have to free them!" growled Rouge, stalking into the pet store and beginning to pry open a cage full of rabbits.

"Hey! What're you doing there!" hollered the person behind the counter.

"Get out of there!" hissed Shadow, diving into the store and dragging Rouge out by the wrist. "Let's go!"

"But we have to—" Rouge's words were cut off as Shadow once again took off across the mall, weaving around assorted human pedestrians and pulling her along with him. At last he spied one of those indoor playgrounds they have at malls, mostly deserted except for a few kids on the playground set. He hustled Rouge into one of the little plastic playhouses and dove in after her.

"Keep low," he hissed. "Keep quiet. We don't know if they're after us or not."

"But we have to free those poor animals!" protested Rouge in a whisper. "And what about the people in the human-sized prison?"

"If they're in jail, there's probably a good reason," said Shadow. "And we'll be in jail right next to them if we rush into this!"

"But . . . "

"Get a hold of yourself," growled Shadow. "I thought you were supposed to be the amazing bat-burglar break-in expert, nerves of steel and all that."

"But all those animals . . . "

"Listen," said Shadow. "What we're going to do is this. This mall is full of humans, right? If we release a bunch of animals, we're going to attract a lot of attention. We probably wouldn't be able to do it on our own. We need accomplices, and we need accomplices who won't get noticed. In other words, human accomplices."

"But we can't just ask a random bunch of people to help us with a jailbreak!"

"Which is why we're going to ask the people in the human prison."

Fifteen minute later, Shadow and Rouge were in front of a grated-off store, eyeing the mechanisms. That part of the mall was fairly out-of-the-way, with nothing attractive there except that closed store, so there weren't too many people wandering about. Still, Shadow kept a sharp eye out, while Rouge studied the gate.

"I've got it!" she exclaimed gleefully. "It slides upwards like a garage door! I just have to pick this lock at the bottom, and we can slide it up!"

"Can you pick it?"

"What a question," scoffed Rouge, fishing out a bobby pin and setting to work. "Oh, it's all coming back to me! Just like old times!"

"Spare the nostalgia, pick the lock," grumbled Shadow.

"Got it!" chirped Rouge. "Give me a hand lifting this thing, why don't you? It's heavy."

Shadow slid his fingers underneath the gate next to Rouge's. Together they struggled to heave the heavy metal apparatus upwards.

"What do you think you're doing?" boomed a voice suddenly. The two Mobians whirled around to find a mall security guard towering over them.

Shadow swore under his breath, grabbed Rouge by the wrist for the umpteenth time that day, and took off.

"Get back here!" hollered the guard, chasing after them. Shadow weaved and dodged around pedestrians again, as Rouge struggled to keep up. He couldn't go at anything near his full speed while he was pulling her along, but he could still go fast enough to get away from that guard.

Unfortunately for them, another security guard suddenly swung out of another mall corridor, right in their path. Shadow swerved desperately at the last second and took off in another direction, but had to dodge a stroller. He veered off in yet another direction, which happened to lead straight into a wire bin filled with balls of yarn. There was a good deal of crashing and yelping, and yarn balls rolled all over a broad radius. Shaking his head out dizzily, Shadow scrambled to his feet—only to have a heavy hand clamp down on his shoulder. He looked around to find the other security guard hoisting Rouge up by the arms.

"Please make this easy on yourselves," said the guard curtly. "Don't try to resist."

Fifteen minutes later, Shadow and Rouge were sitting alone on a bench in the mall's security room, cuffed together at the wrist. Rouge's wings were bound, and both Mobians were wearing cuffs on their ankles with chains only long enough to let them shuffle, not run. Shadow hated it; he hated having his ability to run taken away. It was as bad as being caged. Now he almost knew what it was like to feel vulnerable.

Rouge sat silently next to him, her head low.

"Look," she said at last. "Maybe they'll understand. Maybe they won't send us to the animal jail."

"You'd prefer the human one?" asked Shadow bitterly. "I told you minutes after we got here, we should leave. And you said no. Now look what you've done! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: you're a troublemaker."

"I know, I know," said Rouge miserably. "I'm sorry I got us into this. Really."

Cold silence from Shadow.

"But I really wanted to free those animals! They didn't deserve to be jailed like that . . . "

Still silence.

"Look, don't tell me those cuffs are too much for you. You could break them in an instant if you wanted to. Break the cuffs and run for it! You can leave me behind."

"Rouge . . . "

"Yes?"

"Don't tempt me."

Rouge was about to urge him again, but suddenly one of the security guards came into the room.

"Well, we've compiled all the reports about you two," he said grimly. "Looks like you've been busy."

He sat down and began to study a stack of papers.

"Of course, the main charge is that you two were caught trying to break into a closed store. Then for good measure, you allegedly attempted to rob and/or cause havoc at a pet store, wantonly misused the children's ride-on equipment with possible intent to vandalize, and, according to several witnesses, threatened to assault a mall vendor."

Rouge's face grew hot; Shadow would really be furious now.

"Troublemaker," he growled under his breath. "What else don't I know about?"

"Well, what have you got to say for yourselves?" asked the security guard. "Really, are you kids serious? Trying to break into a store in broad daylight!"

"Store?" asked Rouge puzzledly.

"Keep your mouth closed," hissed Shadow. "If they hear we thought it was a _prison_ we were breaking open, they'll put us away for life!"

"What's that?" asked the guard sharply. "Listen you two, quit playing games. Are you all there? Properly sane? I mean, you're not exactly acting right. Nobody sane acts as recklessly as you two."

"We just had to free those poor jailed animals!" blurted Rouge. "And I wasn't really going to kick that salesman, he just wouldn't stop trying to sell me that freaking nail kit!"

"What?" asked the guard blankly.

Shadow groaned as Rouge began to explain recklessly about wanting to free the jailed animals and getting accomplices from the prison for humans. The guard was rapidly convinced that they were insane, but they told him about Mobius, which helped their case a good deal. Then they kept explaining and explaining until the guard began to figure it out. He appeared to be a cross between amused and annoyed.

"Look here," he said. "That's a pet store. They sell animals so people can have them as pets. The animals didn't do anything wrong, and they're well taken care of. They're fine, believe me. Also, it's not a jail for people, it's a store. They put a gate over it when it's closed so people don't steal stuff from it. Lastly, you wouldn't get very far in that Jeep. It's just a ride for little kids that rocks back and forth and makes noises, so they can pretend to be driving a car. Don't you have any of that stuff on Mobius?"

"No," said Rouge, blushing.

"As to that salesman, what kind of blasted nail kit are you talking about? I've checked the registry, we don't have any vendors selling nail kits."

"Well, he was," said Rouge firmly.

"Hmph. Probably unregistered," muttered the guard. "I'll have to go check him out. Thanks for the tip, you two. You're free to go." He unlocked the cuffs, winking. "And check out the pet store while you're at it."

"We're not in trouble?" asked Rouge.

"It's not a crime to be clueless," sighed the guard, waving them away. "Get along with you."

Shadow and Rouge walked out of the security room quietly and proceeded along the mall corridor.

"We're free!" chirped Rouge suddenly, shaking Shadow by the elbow. "Free as birds! I told you everything would be all right!"

"You told me nothing of the kind," grumbled Shadow. "Let's go see about that pet store thing. I find it hard to believe."


	34. Mall Mayhem Part 3

**A/N: Well, mostly random silliness in this chapter. There's a reference to a book and movie series in there! **

**Also, there are still five empty chapters just waiting for a request! Come on y'all, don't be shy. All ideas welcome and appreciated. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Auntie Anne's Pretzels!**

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They went back to the store in question and explained politely about the rabbits. The owner was very understanding, and let them look around the store all they wanted. They were very interested in all the pet supplies, but especially in the pets themselves. They did look to be happy enough; being Mobians, Shadow and Rouge could easily tell.

"Look Shadow!" cried Rouge suddenly. "Hedgehogs!"

Shadow eyed the prickly little animals curiously.

"They don't look at all like you," said Rouge.

"Luckily."

They got permission to take one of the hedgehogs out of its cage. Shadow lifted the lid calmly and reached in.

"I'll be darned," said the store owner, as the baby hedgehogs swarmed eagerly to Shadow's hand. "I've never seen 'em run _towards_ anyone who reaches in there!"

"I'm part Earth hedgehog. They can probably smell that," said Shadow, fishing out one of the little balls of spikes.

"Part . . . Earth . . . " the store owner shook his head as if he was having trouble processing that. Meanwhile, Shadow set the little hedgehog down on the floor and sat down nearby.

"Look, he likes you!" cooed Rouge, as the hedgehog nuzzled against Shadow's leg. Shadow scratched the little creature under the chin noncommitally, then nudged it towards Rouge.

"Hi, cutie," Rouge smiled, as the hedgehog rolled onto its back, begging to be scratched on the stomach. "Awww, look how happy it is!"

"They're all pretty cheerful," said Shadow, flicking an ear at the other hedgehogs back in the cage. "Funny thing, I can kind of understand the little noises they make. Must be the Earth-hog part of my DNA."

"What little noises? I don't hear a thing," said Rouge.

"Like I said. It's the Earth-hog genes. The beasties aren't very intelligent. But they're calm and happy."

Rouge sighed as she plopped the baby hedgehog back into the cage.

"I almost wish we could adopt this little guy. He'd be so much fun to take care of . . . "

"First of all, these hedgehogs are expensive," said Shadow. "Second of all, we wouldn't have time to care for him once we got home. We always have G.U.N. missions. Third of all, Omega would probably not be happy about us dragging in little vermin."

"Vermin," scoffed Rouge, as they left the pet store. "Is that how you refer to your own flesh and blood?"

"They're only my distant cousins five times removed, at the very best."

"All right, whatever. So, do we leave now?"

"We could. Maybe we should get something eat first, though. For some reason this whole mall smells like freshly baked cupcakes, and it's been making me hungry."

Rouge laughed.

"It's not the mall, it's me. While I was out alone, there was this bath and cosmetics store, and they had free samples. I tried some of their body-glitter stuff, cupcake scented."

"Well, that explains a lot," said Shadow. He tilted his head. "Hmm, you _are_ glittering. I thought that was either the mall lighting or you turning into a vampire." He paused again. "Say, are you sure those were free samples?"

"Sure I'm sure."

"Absolutely positive?"

"They had 'try me' stickers on them, and I saw other people testing them!" protested Rouge. "What, you think I'd just use random beauty products without buying them?"

"Yes. Because you're a troublemaker."

"Oh, hush you. So where can we get something to eat, anyway?"

"I saw a food court back that way," said Shadow, pointing.

"A food _what?_"

"Food court," replied Shadow. He glanced over his shoulder, smirking. "First they give you a meal, then they try you and send you to the animal prison."

"Funny, Shadow, funny."

They had a look around the food court, and found an Auntie Anne's Pretzels. It seems like every legitimate mall has to have one of those. Shadow got a large cinnamon sugar pretzel, while Rouge got a normal large one.

"Say, they're good," remarked Rouge, biting into the lower part of the pretzel. She glanced at it thoughtfully, then began to eat away at the bottom, until she was left with only the top two loops.

"Look, now I have glasses!" she said, holding the loops upside-down in front of her eyes.

"Cut that out, Rouge," groaned Shadow. "Haven't you made enough of a fool out of yourself yet?"

"Shhhh!" hissed Rouge in her best librarian voice.

For a minute Shadow scowled at her wearily. Suddenly, however, he sighed and pulled out their shared cell phone.

"So you want to make a fool out of yourself, huh? Fine. Let me help you."

"Hey!" protested Rouge, as Shadow snapped a picture with the cell phone. "Don't you dare!"

"Don't I dare what?" asked Shadow innocently, quickly pulling the phone out of Rouge's reach. "Say, do I send this to Dr. Eggman too, or only the others?"

"Give me that phone!" yelped Rouge, leaning across the table to swipe at it.

"Fine, fine, don't raise a scene," shrugged Shadow, abruptly tossing the phone onto the table. "Take it."

"Thaaank you," said Rouge sarcastically, grabbing the phone. Secretly, she almost wished she'd had to fight for it a little harder . . . though why, she didn't know. She opened the phone's picture bank and blinked.

"Wait, whaaat?" she said. "Full memory? . . . You never took a picture at all, you jerk! Why, I'm gonna—"

"Order in the court," said Shadow coolly, leaning back in his chair.

"I'll give you order!"

"Settle down," said Shadow, back to his usual calm self.

When they had finished eating, they headed out.

"Can't we use a different exit?" asked Rouge. "I don't think I can stand to walk past those bracelets again."

"Actually," said Shadow, "I got to thinking about those bracelets. You said earlier, at that price they had to be real crystal. Then I got to thinking, if they were real, and that valuable, why would they just be tossed into the middle of the mall corridor like that, where anyone could swipe them? They should be under lock and key. So then I started figuring, and I figured this: the price signs were hand-made, and they were a bit sloppily done. We could have missed the decimal point. I get the feeling those bracelets weren't really four hundred ninety-nine dollars . . . they were four ninety-nine."

"You mean . . . five dollars?" asked Rouge, wide-eyed.

"Yeah. And if it'll quiet you down, you can get one," sighed Shadow. The way Rouge's eyes lit up, he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or if he was just annoyed.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" demanded Rouge delightedly.

"Eh, I figured if you didn't bring up the subject, I wouldn't either," shrugged Shadow. "Save five dollars."

"What?! Why, you—"

"Rouge, you need to get over this obsession with shiny stuff," Shadow grumbled, walking half-backwards to glare at her. "It only leads to trouble."

"But you didn't have to keep me in the dark like that!"

"Why not? You've caused enough trouble today. And like I said, you've got to stop—" the rest of his sentence was lost as he ran into the edge of the mall's central fountain and tumbled in. Rouge propped her elbows up on the wall.

"And you tell me to stay out of the water," she said sweetly. "Well, as long as you're down there, could you grab some of those pennies?"

Shadow blew water from the tip of his nose and glared up at her. When playing games with Rouge, not even he could win.


	35. If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

**A/N: Wow! Thanks for all the requests, you guys! Laser tag and Disneyworld and public transport, oh my! I'll get through these requests ASAP, in the order that I got them. Hopefully it shouldn't take too long! This is going to be fun. :D**

**And yes, there are still one or two spaces left, if anyone wants them! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

Shadow and Rouge's quarrel with national parks abated somewhat over time. They _were_ a pretty good way to see the best sights of the U.S., entirely for free. Since everyone always seemed to make such a fuss over Yellowstone National Park, they made sure to stop in to have a look.

"Hello there," smiled a passing park ranger as the two of them clambered off the motorcycle. "Come to see Old Faithful, eh?"

"Might as well. Which way?" asked Rouge cheerfully.

The ranger pointed, and the two Mobians set off.

"Thanks!" called Rouge. She turned to Shadow. "See? There's a park ranger who's perfectly nice and doesn't fly into a fit the minute he sees us."

"He probably thinks we're part of the wildlife," grumbled Shadow. "So, where is this Old Faithful thing?"

"Well, there's a fence here. There must be something worth seeing on the other side!" observed Rouge. "And all these people are standing there looking at something."

"I don't see anything."

"Neither do I . . . what in the world could they be looking at?"

Suddenly there was a great whoosh and roar, and Old Faithful erupted, spewing boiling water and steam high into the air. Rouge and Shadow stood in silence for a moment, then took off after that park ranger.

"Mister!" yelled Rouge, as they finally caught up to him. "Mister, wait up! Come quick!"

"What, what's wrong?!" asked the ranger anxiously, whirling around.

"You'd better do something fast!" sputtered Rouge. "I don't know what happened, but your water pipes have just sprung one _heck_ of a leak!"


	36. Phasers Set on Stun!

**A/N: Starting out with a request for smileaway96! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson!**

**Oh, and it's going to get a little more serious in this one. More adventure, a bit less humor. But the shenanigans will be right back in the next chapter! ;)**

* * *

Rouge and Shadow had stopped at a gas station to put air into the Harley-Davidson's tires. They were just about to start out again when they were approached by a somewhat scruffy-looking fellow.

"Another TV opportunity?" murmured Rouge under her breath. Shadow groaned.

"Hey, you two," grinned the man. "You've been selected!"

"Uhhh . . . for what?"

"A chance to play free laser tag!"

"No thanks," said Rouge at once. "Between the Metarex and the occasional security system, I've had enough free laser tag to last me three lifetimes!"

"Uh . . . "

"Never mind. But no thanks."

"Hey, hey!" protested the guy. "Don't throw away an opportunity like this! Hear me out."

"Okay, fine." Rouge folded her arms. "Shoot."

"Well, my name's Mack. My buddies and I decided to start up a little business venture," said the guy. "We built our very own laser tag center, and we plan to open it to the public really soon. But before we open, we want to test the place for bugs and glitches. So we're offering random people a chance to play ten minutes of free laser tag, if they agree to tell us what needs improvement!"

"What's the catch?"

"No catch, ma'am! Just ten free minutes, and you can play longer for ten cents a minute."

"And the lasers are harmless?" ventured Rouge uncertainly.

"Of course! Good grief."

"Kind of boring." Shadow put in his two cents.

"Hey, it's free!" urged Rouge. "We might as well see what it's like."

"Well . . . oh, heck, might as well."

They followed Mack to a brightly-painted shack next to a side road somewhere, suffused with the sharp smell of fresh paint. Mack led them into the building and explained the rules.

"These are infrared," he explained, strapping phaser-like devices to both their wrists.

"Why are they tied to the wall?" asked Rouge dubiously, tugging at the long electric cable trailing from the device. "And to _us?_"

"Well, it's a high-action game," said Mack. "We were worried people would keep dropping the lasers. As to the cables, well, uh . . . we couldn't afford wireless models."

Rouge chuckled.

"Okay. I'll take being leashed for a while. For you."

"Uh . . . " the fellow blinked, flustered, as Rouge gave him a sweet smile. "Okay, um, yeah, so. You guys wear these sensors to register when you're hit. There'll be a different "hit sound" for either one of you. Hits will be marked on that scoreboard there, and whoever gets the most hits in ten minutes wins."

"That all?" asked Shadow wearily.

"No, one more thing. There'll also be simulated aliens projected on the wall, and they'll be able to fire at you too. We're not quite sure if the projections match up with the built-in lasers, though, so if it seems like a blank wall just fired at you, let us know!"

"Okie-doke!" chirped Rouge.

"Okay, now test if your lasers are working," instructed Mack. Rouge fired off-handedly at Shadow, triggering a brisk triple beep from some hidden speaker. Shadow tried in turn, setting off a high-pitched phaser-like "pow!" Rouge spun around and faked a dramatic death.

"Shoot, I thought I had it on 'stun'," muttered Shadow, checking his device.

"You did," grinned Rouge, sitting up and untangling herself from the phaser cable. "It was heavy stun, though."

Mack shook his head, chuckling.

"Okay, let me go start up the timer. When you hear the Klaxon, that means you can start."

"See ya!" called Rouge. She glanced in Shadow's direction as Mack disappeared outside, pulling a heavy curtain over the door to darken the room.

"Say, why didn't you tell the guy you were left-handed?"

"I'm not; I'm ambidextrous. Being one-handed is inferior," said Shadow coolly. In the dark, he could practically hear Rouge rolling her eyes.

"Besides," he couldn't help adding. "I needed a handicap."

"I'll make you eat those words! Don't forget, dodging lasers is my specialty."

"Really. Well, my specialty is dodging _everything._ And let me remind you that my aim is excellent."

"You, Mr. Hedgehog, are going _down!_"

Before they could spar any further, the Klaxon blared over the speakers. Flashing lights blazed to life in all kinds of hidden corners, dimly illuminating plastic rocks on the ground and styrofoam planets hanging from the ceiling. Rouge whooped and sprang into action, while Shadow calmly stepped one foot back to remain on the defensive.

Within a minute and a half, it became clear that one of them was doing much better than the other. Rouge was no slouch at dodging, fast and nimble on her feet, kicking lightly off the walls, using her wings and tumbling skills. But if she was no slouch, Shadow was the grand master. He blinked in and out of sight, whisking from one end of the room to the other, appearing in random places just long enough for Rouge to fire—only to find he was already elsewhere.

"Hold still, you!" growled Rouge, attempting to sweep the room with a laser beam. She only succeeded in getting herself hit for the fourth time, while Shadow hadn't been hit at all.

"I'm already handicapped," retorted Shadow calmly. "I thought you said you were good at this."

"Oh _yeah?_"

Rouge attacked furiously on Shadow's right, herding him far enough to the left to trip over his laser's electric cord. Before he had a chance to spring back up, she was bearing down with her laser. Even then, Shadow rolled easily out of the way and onto his feet.

"Foul play," he sighed, sidestepping a shot. "I'll have to stop going easy on you."

"Whaddaya mean, going ea—"

_Pow!_ Five hits for Shadow.

"No _fair!_"

"You're one to talk." Shadow jumped lightly aside as Rouge took aim again. Two minutes later, he had scored seven hits, and Rouge still had none to her name. Eventually she lost patience.

"Okay, that does it! Hold _still!_"

"Seriously?" retorted Shadow. Before he could say any more, he suddenly found himself tangled up in a Screw Kick. It wasn't full power—that would have given him a pretty bad headache—but it was enough to throw him back against a wall. There was a sudden snapping sound, and a fountain of sparks.

Rouge pulled back, alarmed.

"Shadow? You okay?!"

"Oh, just _fine_," grumbled Shadow, rubbing his head. "Look what you've done now!"

He held up his wrist, showing the laser still attached to it. There was only a little tail of electric cable hanging from it, while the torn end of the main cable lay nearby.

"Well, they'll want us to pay for _that,_" growled Shadow, shaking off the now-useless laser.

"Oh, snap," sighed Rouge. "Couldn't we make a break for it?"

"Right. Through that one door. Where we'll definitely be seen."

Rouge heaved a sigh.

"Okay. I guess we have no choice but to face the music."

Nodding grimly, Shadow turned to head for the door.

Suddenly there was a strange buzzing sound. A spectacular geyser of sparks suddenly shot from the end of the torn cable, while Rouge gave a strangled yelp. Shadow spun around to find her out cold—for the second time in two weeks. Tendrils of smoke were coming from the laser, which was still fastened to her forearm.

Shadow's brain kicked into overdrive. Even as he crouched at Rouge's side, he was remembering something Tails had told him once: when you think something might be filled with electricity, touch it with the _back_ of your hand, not the palm. Quickly he brushed the back of his hand against Rouge's forehead. Her fur was standing up straight, but he didn't get shocked. That was good—she wasn't being continuously zapped. With one hand he ripped the laser off her wrist in case the current restarted; with the other he checked for a pulse. A little unsteady, but strong and definitely present. Phew.

At that point he became aware of loud voices outside. He raised his head, his ears swiveling. Slowly he got up, picked up the laser he'd shaken off his wrist, and stepped into a dark corner.

Within seconds a horde of rough-looking men and women tromped in through the door, with a particularly terrifying specimen at their head. The guy saw Rouge slumped on the floor and swore up and down.

"Only one of them!" he growled. "Where's the other one?!"

Shadow slipped silently out the door and pressed himself against the wall just outside. The smell of paint was strong, but he ignored it and kept his ears trained on the interior of the building.

"Take it easy, Bill," advised another gruff voice. "The other one's gone, tore the laser right off its cable. He must have felt the shock coming and been scared off."

"And if he comes back?" growled Bill.

"Ah, if he just ran off like that, not likely he'd bother returning," scoffed the other voice.

"Besides," put in a third voice, a woman's. "Even if he does return, we'll have this one out of the way by then. We can deal with them one at a time!"

"True, true," agreed Bill. "Okay. Time to show this dame what happens when you mess with us!"

Shadow hesitated. There didn't seem to be any good way to get Rouge out of there. The gang was all around her—if he went charging in now, they might hurt her before he could do anything about it. Without a Chaos Emerald, he could only gather enough Chaos energy for one Spear, perhaps two if he was very lucky. Taking off his inhibitor rings would give him a burst of power for maybe fifteen seconds, followed by an instant KO. No-win situation . . .

Biting his lip, Shadow slipped quietly away. He wasn't one to bang his head against a lost cause.

Back inside the building, Rouge stirred slightly and mumbled something as Bill tied her wrists and ankles together.

"Get the wings too," advised Mack.

"Nah, she won't be needing 'em," grunted Bill. "Let's get her outside, wake her up, and get to work."

He hoisted the still-unconscious Rouge off the ground and led the others out into the sunlight. Putting her back down none too gently, he pinched the tip of her ear.

"Ouch!" Rouge woke up at once, full of fury. "Why, you—" She fell back slightly. "_You!_ You're that freakin' biker gang! I _knew_ you looked familiar!"

"Exactly, sweetheart," grinned Bill. "You thought you'd got away with it? We've been tracking you down for weeks, and we built the whole stupid laser arcade just to lure you two in!"

"What have you done to Shadow?!" barked Rouge, lashing out her wings. She didn't get far before Mack pulled her back down.

"He was just a bonus prize," scoffed Bill. "It's you we have a bone to pick with."

"I'll pick your bones all right!" growled Rouge, twisting her wrists against the ropes.

"Oh, no you don't," warned Bill, grabbing her by the arm. "Don't try to struggle, batgirl. You're in for it now."

"I'll have you know only Knuckles is allowed to call me batgirl!" said Rouge through her teeth.

"Gonna stop us?" mocked Bill.

Rouge's ears were down flat in fury, but she didn't—couldn't—do anything. The situation didn't look too good . . .

"Hands up, gentlemen," said a quiet voice nearby.

A whole gang's worth of heads turned. Shadow the Hedgehog was standing patiently nearby, his head tilted slightly and the ripped-off laser in his hand.

"I said hands up," he repeated calmly. He waved at the sky with his free hand. "If you're confused, up is that way."

"What on this blooming earth?" said Bill in disbelief. "Now the scruffy rat's holding us up with a toy laser gun?"

"Don't try my patience," said Shadow wearily, stepping a little closer. "I'm willing to do damage."

"With that?!"

Muttering, Shadow raised the laser, swung it out to his side, and pulled back the trigger. A beam of light struck one of the gang's motorcycles, and the vehicle promptly blew all to bits. Pieces of metal rolled and clattered across the tarmac, as a small vortex of smoke rose from the void the motorcycle had once inhabited.

The biker gang was suitably overawed.

"One more time, all of you," continued Shadow quietly, bringing the laser around to point at them again. "Hands up. Back away slowly."

They complied.

"Cowards," smirked Shadow. "Good. I like that in a villain."

Stepping forward, he unbound Rouge's wrists and backed off to let her unfasten her ankles.

"I suppose you have the most against these guys," he remarked. "I'll let you take your pick of them."

"Well thanks," said Rouge, rubbing the feeling back into her wrists. "But you know what? Forget it."

Shadow raised his eyebrows at her silently.

"Yeah, I know," shrugged Rouge. "But I've fought them before. They're lousy fighters and a waste of time, believe me. And if we beat them up now, they'll just run to the police, and we might get ourselves in trouble. As it is now, _they're_ the ones who should be worried about the police."

Shadow lowered the laser somewhat and regarded Rouge curiously.

"Are _you_ telling _me_ to stay out of trouble?"

"I'm not forcing anything," said Rouge, waving a hand. "Go ahead and have a field day with them, if you like. I've had my fun already."

"Yeah . . . I'm going to want to hear about that," said Shadow resignedly. He glanced back at the biker gang and shook his head. "Do you punks even know how _lucky_ you are?"

He trained the laser on Bill again and nodded over his shoulder.

"You go ahead, Rouge. I'll join you in a minute."

Rouge nodded and trotted off. Meanwhile, Shadow stepped quietly up to Bill and looked him in the eye. He had to tilt his head back slightly to do it, but somehow it seemed _he_ was the one looking down at Bill.

"I don't want to see you again," he remarked. "And if your memory's poor, maybe this will help you remember."

Tossing the laser aside, he sprang up and caught the biker under the jaw with one fist. Landing lightly back on his feet, he spun on one heel and stalked back to the bike.

"They're after us," gulped Rouge, glancing back at the biker gang. Snorting, Shadow kicked the motorcycle into life and started off.

"They won't chase us," he said, as Rouge glanced over her shoulder anxiously. "I slashed their tires while you were arguing with them. I thought we'd be fighting, and I didn't want them getting away."

They drove for about half an hour, then Shadow pulled over into a field.

"All right, let's hear about this first fight of yours," he remarked. "You've been getting into more trouble?"

"That time wasn't my fault," replied Rouge, spitting on an electricity burn on her forearm. "And how about you tell _me_ first. What did you do to that laser to make it blow up random motorcycles?"

"Nothing," Shadow waved a hand impatiently. "That was a Chaos Spear. They didn't have to know that I was out of energy after that."

"So, I guess it's a good thing that I broke the electric cable, huh?" grinned Rouge. "Otherwise we'd both have been caught."

"You happened to get lucky, in a situation that would normally have been disadvantageous," sighed Shadow. "Now let's hear your story."

"Wait, one more question. Why the paint?"

"What paint?"

Rouge tapped the back of her head, smiling. Puzzled, Shadow ran a hand over his quills. All along the back, he came up against stiff clumps of matted fur.

"Blast it," he groaned. "The paint on the building must still have been fresh when I leaned against that wall . . . " He scraped at one of the mats, but it didn't come off. Hesitating, he glanced uneasily at Rouge. "What . . . what color is it?"

"Some blue, a bit of green," said Rouge with a straight face. "Don't worry, no pink."

"Could be worse," muttered Shadow. His eyes darkened slightly as he thought back.

"I'm sure nobody noticed," assured Rouge, reading his thoughts. "Heck, _I_ didn't notice till we were driving away. I don't think anybody would pay much attention to a little paint when you were being that epic."

Shadow gave her a sharp glance.

"What's the punchline?"

"No punchline," said Rouge. "Seriously, you were pretty awesome. Thanks for getting me out of that."

Shadow shrugged slightly, looking away.

"I expect you could have handled it yourself."

"No doubt," grinned Rouge. "But I appreciate the help."

"Sure, whatever. Now, I'm still curious about that earlier encounter."

"Darn . . . I was hoping you'd forget about that."


	37. Will It Go Round in Circles?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"Rouge, I'm telling you for the last time, we are _not_ lost!"

"Oh, sure. We've literally been going in circles for hours now, and you tell me you aren't lost?"

"I know where I'm going."

"Then why aren't we getting anywhere?"

"I'll figure it out. How hard can it be?"

"Pretty hard, when every turn you make is the wrong one," retorted Rouge.

A few more minutes passed.

"Geez," muttered Shadow. "What I'd give for a decent map of this place."

"Honestly, Shads. Couldn't you just ask for directions?"

"No."

"Look, there's a guy who looks like he has a head on his shoulders! Let's ask him for directions, come on!"

"Still no."

"I can't believe this! All this time, I always thought it was a myth that men didn't ever ask for directions. And now it turns out it's the freakin' truth!"

"Rouge," Shadow slowed down the motorcycle and turned to glare at her. "I don't care what's myth and what's true and whatever it is you say. I am not, repeat, _not_, going to ask for directions for getting out of a parking garage!"


	38. Stop the Ride, I'm Getting Disney!

**A/N: Request for bearvalley3365! Enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Disneyland! Which is a pity, because considering what I'm about to pull here, I'll be lucky if I don't get sued. :P**

* * *

"Here, fishy fishy fishy!" sang Rouge, dabbling her hand into the little stream. "Come to Rouge, little fishy!"

"When we go back home, I never want to eat another fish," grumbled Shadow from the bank.

"I'm not tired of them yet."

"I am. No more fish. I'm skipping dinner today and taking a nap. You catch yourself whatever you want."

"Well, if you don't mind missing a nice, plump trout," said Rouge.

"One more nice, plump trout, and I'll turn into an osprey," groaned Shadow, already shutting his eyes.

Shadow drifted off peacefully, while Rouge fished away. The pickings were pretty bad, however; she could only catch tiny fishies, not worth keeping. Exasperated, she thought back to those shiny lures Shadow had bought and returned along with the fishing pole. Maybe they had something shiny she could use as bait?

It was a risky venture. If Shadow was awake, he'd never have allowed for it. But, laughing in the face of possible disaster, Rouge fetched the motorcycle's key, dangled it in the water, and waited.

Amazingly, it worked. She soon obtained a sizeable trout, sleek and glistening, and with a very wide throat. Rouge noticed this fact particularly, because it swallowed their key.

Well, no matter. The trout could have the key, because she had the trout. Humming to herself, she set to work cleaning and gutting the fish, aiming to retrieve the key from its stomach.

Then things went rapidly downhill. There was a sudden shrill screech, and a red-tailed hawk swooped down and seized the fish right from under Rouge's nose. It was almost out of sight by the time she recovered from her surprise.

"Get back here!" she shouted, taking off in pursuit. The hawk was pretty fast, though, and a bit smaller and nimbler than Rouge. She chased the bird so furiously that she didn't even notice she had flown over a fence and entered a different area.

Eventually, though, the change became too obvious to miss. Rouge slid to a halt midair and blinked around in dismay. There were tall, colorful metal things everywhere . . . and fences, and buildings, and so many people on the ground . . . what in the world was it? The last time she checked, she hadn't left the planet while chasing that hawk.

Speaking of which, the hawk had disappeared during her moment of distraction. Rouge looked around desperately, then landed on the ground.

"Excuse me," she called to a passing lady and her kids. "Have you seen a hawk flying by here?"

The lady looked at Rouge and smiled.

"Goodness, I don't recognize you. Are you from a new movie?"

"Uh—"

"And my my, how old are you? You couldn't be older than eight, to fit into that costume. Aren't you a little young to be working here?"

Rouge saw the situation was getting shaky.

"No, no, I'm old enough," she said hastily, edging away. "It's an optical illusion."

"Really?" The woman looked after Rouge blankly as the bat whisked away to interrogate someone else.

"Excuse me!" she called to an elderly gentleman, who either ignored her or didn't hear her. "Hey, wait!" she called to a little kid, who squeaked in fright and scurried away. Hissing in exasperation, Rouge turned around to find someone else to ask—and found herself faced with an enormous mouse.

Rouge blinked at the rodent in silence for a moment. It stared back at her with unblinking eyes, a wide grin on its face. Suddenly the creature spoke.

"You want a photo, kiddo?" Its voice was strange and muffled, and its mouth didn't move.

"N-no," Rouge gulped, backing off. "No thanks . . . "

She took off again. Forget the key for now, she had to find her way back and tell Shadow about this. Insanity of this level called for backup! She took to the air and tried to get her bearings. From below, a security guard started to shout. Gulping, Rouge dove off in a random direction, nearly crashing into a tiny rocket ship fastened to a stick and rotating around a central pillar. Swerving, Rouge shot towards a comforting-looking stand of woods.

Luckily, that stand of woods was the right one. Within minutes she was back by the stream, waking Shadow.

"Didn't catch anything?" he yawned. "Say, what are you all worked up about?"

"I caught a fish all right," said Rouge. "But a hawk stole it. I was chasing the hawk, and I suddenly ran into this crazy dystopian city! There were these weird metal machines, and I have no clue what they were for, and people walking everywhere, and _children_ were piloting little rockets! And there was a HUGE mouse! Twice as tall as me! It was all I could do to get out of there and back here."

"That's a lot of trouble just to get a fish back," said Shadow.

"Ah, heh heh, well . . . that's the problem. The fish had our motorcycle key inside it."

Shadow rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on. A fish couldn't swallow a whole key!"

Rouge gave him a disbelieving look.

"Seriously? You believe me when I tell you about alien cities and giant mice, and you don't believe that a big fish could swallow a little key?"

"What, you expect me to believe everything?"

Rouge folded her arms and gave him a "get real" look.

"Okay, so I'm in denial," groaned Shadow. "Really, Rouge? You fed the key to a fish?"

"He took it! And the hawk took _him!_" protested Rouge. "Come on, you have to help me get it back."

"Ohhh, no. Not another wild goose chase. I'm going back to sleep."

"Oh no you're not!"

A while later, Shadow and Rouge were slipping over the fence bordering Disneyland. Rouge thought it would be better if they were cautious, so they slipped into a stand of bushes and quietly watched the crowds strolling by.

"See! The machines!" whispered Rouge. "Just like I told you!"

"And people standing in long lines to use them," murmured Shadow, his eyes narrowed in puzzlement.

"Do you suppose they're some kind of ritualistic torture devices?"

"The people don't seem to be in any pain," observed Shadow. "Look over there. They're being spun around at high speeds in strange teacup-shaped vehicles. I think this is a training ground of some sort!"

"What are they training for?" whispered Rouge, her eyes wide. Shadow only shook his head. He didn't know.

"There!" Rouge cried out under her breath. "The giant mouse! There's two of them now!"

"I see it," rasped Shadow. His breath sharpened slightly. "Rouge . . . they're Mobians."

"Wh . . . _what?!_ Th-they can't be Mobians! They're enormous!"

"Look at them. They look more like animals than humans, just like us. Their muzzles and eyes are a lot like ours. Look at the male. He wears only gloves and shoes, like a Mobian male. The red pants must be some kind of laboratory-added feature."

"Laboratory?!"

"They're mutants." Shadow's voice was a grim whisper. "You're right, they _are_ enormous. They move unnaturally, and they don't seem to blink or speak at all."

"Yes! When I saw that one up close, his face didn't ever move, and his voice was all creepy and weird!"

Shadow gritted his teeth.

"Rouge, there's something horrific going on here. They're mutating Mobians and training humans for some twisted purpose. Dr. Eggman's schemes are dandelion fluff compared to this! Under no condition—under _no_ condition!—can we afford to be caught by these people."

"What are we going to do?"

"We're going to find that hawk, and that fish, and that key," gritted Shadow. "We can't let them retrieve the key and gain access to our vehicle—they might use it for their own purposes. And then we're going to warn the nearest authorities of this monstrosity!"

"But how do we find the key without being seen?"

"It's a hawk, Rouge. It'll stay away from people. We just have to search the wooded areas, and nobody will find us there."

"What if the hawk was working for them?"

"Then we're doomed," said Shadow grimly.

They began to slink through the shrubbery and trees, dodging and sneaking their way through the outskirts of the park. By some miracle, they found the hawk's nest. The hawk was still stuffing pieces of Rouge's trout into the gaping mouths of its hungry offspring.

"Just a minute, ma'am," whispered Rouge, flapping up to the nest. "You have our key!"

The hawk eyed Rouge grimly and seemed to consider attacking, but Rouge had already snatched the key from the remains of the fish.

"Thank goodness she didn't feed it to any of the little ones!" she gasped, diving back to the ground. "Now let's get out of here."

As the two of them attempted to slink out of the park, they heard footsteps approaching. They dove low into the bushes and waited silently for the disturbance to pass.

It was the giant mouse. He was still walking stiffly, his hands swinging at his sides in a fashion almost natural, but somehow strange—constrained, or mummy-like. One would think he was wearing a costume instead of walking about in his own skin.

"Off-duty, thank gosh," his strange, muffled voice drifted back. "This is getting to be too much . . . I have _had_ it."

Raising his hands to his ears, he began to tug and twist strangely at his head.

"Oh—good—_gosh_—" choked Rouge.

Shadow wasted no time on horror. He shot from the hedges and wrenched the mouse's arms down, driving the oversized rodent into the ground.

"Are you out of your mind?!" he hissed, shaking the mouse furiously. "You can't just do that!"

"What the hey?!" roared the mouse in shock. "What are you?! Get off me!"

"We're here to help you!" cried Rouge, scrambling out of the bushes as well. "We'll help you escape!"

"Escape _what?!_"

"Come with us! We'll warn the authorities!"

"Warn them about _what?!_"

"Don't make so much noise!" barked Shadow. "You want us to get caught?"

"Heck _yes!_" bellowed the mouse, struggling to get away. When Shadow grabbed his arm, the mouse began to holler for help at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up, shut _up!_ We're trying to help you!" growled Shadow.

The mouse continued to bellow. Desperate, Shadow struck him firmly in the collarbone, knocking him out.

"It's worse than we thought," he snarled, panting. "They brainwash their victims."

Rouge helped him drag the unconscious mouse into the bushes.

"He's not mentally stable," growled Shadow. "We can't leave him alone here."

"I'll go get the cops," said Rouge firmly.

"You can't drive!"

"I'll manage. I swear."

Nodding grimly, Shadow tossed Rouge the key and watched her skid back towards the park fence. He would have to keep this deranged mouse subdued and hidden until she came back with reinforcements . . . judging by the size of the place, a _lot_ of reinforcements.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Rouge returned. She had a strange look on her face.

"Are they coming?" asked Shadow grimly, looking up from guarding the still-unconscious mouse.

"No, no," said Rouge. "I talked to some cops, and they explained about a couple of things, and I figured they didn't have to come."

"Didn't have to?!" Shadow got to his feet. "Are you insane? We can't take down this entire compound ourselves."

"We don't have to," said Rouge uneasily. "It turns out everything is okay!"

Shadow regarded her blankly.

"Everything is _okay?_"

"It's been a misunderstanding, that's all," urged Rouge. "We should wake this guy up and let him go, and just—just leave here. Quietly. It's fine, trust me!"

Shadow took a step back.

"Rouge," he rasped, his eyes darkening. "What did they do to you?"

"No, they didn't do anything! I swear. Shadow, please let's just go! Nothing's wrong, trust me!"

"Trust you?!" Shadow took Rouge by the shoulders and shook her lightly. "You've been _brainwashed!_ Snap out of it!"

"I'm not brainwashed!" Rouge pushed him off.

"Then why did you suddenly come back here with a total change in attitude? Why won't you tell me what happened?"

Rouge groaned.

"Because you're really, really, _really_ not going to like it."

"You bet I don't like it," growled Shadow.

"No, I mean, you're going to be furious if I tell you," said Rouge.

"I'm pretty furious as it is!"

Rouge groaned again and sat down.

"Fine. I'll tell you. Just don't kill me, okay?"

* * *

A while later, Shadow and Rouge were returning to the motorcycle, having convinced the guy in the Mickey costume not to tell anyone about the incident. Shadow's ears were back in a combination of annoyance and mortification.

"Answer me this, Rouge," he said at length. "How is it that we manage to get into this kind of nonsense everywhere we go? I mean _everywhere?_"

"Could be your dark mind," said Rouge drily.

"As in?" Shadow snapped.

"As in, you see what's supposedly 'the Happiest Place on Earth,' where people go to have fun, and you immediately assume it's an evil lab facility where they brutally mutate Mobians."

"Don't pin this on me. You thought so too."

"Only after you came up with the idea! I'll admit I was a little freaked out, but I didn't immediately assume it was Doom Central!" Rouge shook her head and laughed suddenly. "You know, it's actually kind of funny, in a sad sort of way."

"A very sad way," growled Shadow. Rouge chuckled.

"You know, I'm glad we went in there. It wasn't so bad—kinda interesting, really. If I ever get a chance, I might take Maria and the other girls to have a jaunt around the place."

"Don't see why."

"Heck, why not? Always fun to tour Doom Central. Maybe we could get a group rate on a mutation!"

Shadow glanced balefully over his shoulder.

"I'm going to be hearing about this for a while, aren't I?"

"You bet you are!"

"Great."

* * *

**A/N: By the way, Rouge doesn't make idle threats. There's a SonicSong182 video on YouTube called "Blaze Goes to Disneyland," where the Sonic girls really do go for a tour of the theme park! And fight Eggman, of course. Cute movie! Check it out if you're after some more theme park action. :)**


	39. Bottomless Pits

**A/N: Okay, it looks like all slots for requests are now filled! I hope everyone who wanted to make a request got a chance to. Thanks again to all you guys and your awesome ideas! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

Even though Shadow still swore he was through with contests, Rouge kept on pointing them out whenever she saw them. And one day, she finally found an offer Shadow couldn't resist. Still, he remained cautious.

"There's bound to be a loophole," he warned. "Or it's a setup. Or a cheat."

"We'll ask very carefully about loopholes," Rouge promised. "But really, how could there be a loophole? It's very clear."

"There'll be one, I bet," muttered Shadow. He and Rouge sauntered into the little saloon-type diner and went up to the front desk.

"Say, we saw your offer on the poster outside," said Shadow, elbow-standing on the counter as he usually did. "Let me get this perfectly straight. You guys make a really huge hamburger. If someone can finish it in one sitting, they don't have to pay for it. If they _can't_ finish it in one sitting, they do have to pay for it. Am I right?"

"Yup, that's it," drawled the proprietor. He looked the two Mobians up and down. "But I'll let you two work together on one burger, seein' as you're a bit small."

"Well, all right," said Shadow. "But if the two of us finish it together, we still don't pay for it, right?"

"Suspicious, aren't we?" chuckled the proprietor.

When the burger came, it was the size of a large dinner plate. The other patrons of the diner gathered around to watch as Rouge and Shadow started in. It wasn't really much to see, though. Rouge took a bit of the patty, cheese, and bun, and all the lettuce and tomatoes. Shadow got the majority of the meat and bun, and some of the onions too. They set quietly to work, ignoring the onlookers, and downed the burger in a few minutes.

"Hey now, what's all this?" demanded the proprietor annoyedly. "What kinda appetites have you rodents got anyway?"

"If you think it's unfair," said Shadow coolly, "we'll eat a whole burger apiece. Give us another, and if we can't finish that, we'll pay you for both."

Rouge gave him an anxious look, but he waved a hand confidently. When they got the second burger, they split it up again and began to munch away. Shadow was still wolfing by the time the last bits of the burger were gone.

"All right, get out of here!" growled the proprietor. "Nobody's ever managed that before! Let alone two little three-foot rodents."

"Well, I've seen friendlier folk, but at least the food was free," sighed Rouge as they left. "I'm stuffed."

"Really?" said Shadow, surprised. "I was just starting to finally get full."


	40. I'll Be Your Fever

**A/N: Request for SecretFlowerChild! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Dum-Dums! I do love their Mystery Flavors, though.**

* * *

"Atchoo!"

Rouge looked up from trying to start a campfire.

"That's the third time you've sneezed in half an hour, Shadow."

"Got problems with it?" grumbled Shadow, swiping the back of his glove against his nose.

"And you're even more snappish than usual."

"Maybe because you're even more nosy than usual."

"And your forehead is warm," continued Rouge, stepping over and putting a hand to Shadow's head.

"That's because I'm alive. It's called body heat."

"Well then, you're excessively alive," said Rouge sharply. "Because you have a fever."

"Don't be ridiculous. Why would I get a fever?"

"You may be getting sick."

"I don't get sick! I'm the Ultimate Life Form. Immune to diseases, remember?"

"Furthermore, I think your quills are falling out."

Glancing at Rouge dubiously, Shadow ran a hand through his quills. Several of them slipped out between his fingers.

"Hmm. Strange."

"I think you'd better get to a doctor."

Shadow was not amused at the prospect. Once Rouge had made it very clear that she'd brook no denial, the next argument involved how to get to the doctor in the first place. Shadow swore he felt perfectly fine and would be able to drive there himself.

"With a fever like yours, it's impossible that you wouldn't feel dizzy and out of it," retorted Rouge. "Besides, what if you become delirious or start throwing up in the middle of the highway?"

"Let me assure you, I plan on doing neither."

"Nobody ever plans to! No arguments, Shads. We're taking a bus."

"A what?"

How Rouge had figured out the concept of public transport, Shadow didn't know. Still, one way or another, the bat had acquired a precursory knowledge of the entire process, including the discount rates.

"I know you're not happy about having to pay bus fare," she sighed, studying a route map posted inside a bus stop. "But kids get a big discount! We could easily pass for a couple of eight-year-olds and pay half-price. But you can't say anything, or your voice will give it away!"

"You're lucky it's me and not the Faker," said Shadow. "He couldn't keep his mouth closed to save his life, let alone to get a cheap bus ride."

Rouge nodded absent-mindedly and checked the map again.

"There should be a bus that passes by the hospital coming here soon . . . " She pricked up her ears at the sound of a distant motor. "Ah, there it is!"

The bus came roaring and hissing to a halt at the bus stop. The doors clicked open; Rouge and Shadow jumped slightly at a sudden whoosh of hydraulics. The front of the bus began to sink lower so that the passengers could step on and off more easily.

"Fascinating," remarked Shadow.

"Shhh!" replied Rouge.

When no more passengers came off the bus, the new passengers started to get on. Rouge and Shadow boarded last, Rouge digging in her purse. She handed Shadow a few rather crumpled dollar bills and two quarters. With great deliberation, Shadow attempted to put the bills into the slot on top of the fare box. Easier attempted than completed, however. He began to grow impatient as the bills crumpled repeatedly and refused to go through.

"Let me try," said Rouge hastily, seeing that Shadow was about to break his vow of silence. Tucking her tongue into the corner of her mouth, she straightened out the edges of the bills and carefully threaded them through the slot. Sighing, she turned and reached out a hand in a silent request for the quarters. Shadow shook his head, handed her one coin, then flicked the other one lightly at the slot with one hand. It missed and bounced off the top of the fare box—but then rebounded off the bus's dashboard and shot neatly into the slot.

"Showoff," grumbled Rouge. Shadow shrugged innocently.

"Move on back, now!" sighed the bus driver impatiently. Nodding, the two Mobians headed towards the back of the bus. They took their time finding their seats, which meant that when the bus jolted into motion they were nearly knocked off their feet.

"Easy," said Shadow, catching a stumbling Rouge.

"Shhh!" replied Rouge warningly. Luckily, nobody seemed to have noticed Shadow's deep voice. Not that surprising—the occupants of the bus didn't seem to be the most bright-eyed or bushy-tailed. Most of them slouched in their seats, staring blankly out the windows or messing with their phones.

Well, that was fine by the two Mobians. The less attention they attracted, the better. Finding a seat towards the rear, they plunked down and waited. Rouge could feel waves of heat coming from Shadow's body; he had _some_ fever. Strangely, though, it didn't seem to be affecting his general lucidity. He was sitting perfectly alert and perky, glaring at the wall because he was too short to see out the window.

"Hello there," said a voice suddenly. Rouge glanced up with only mild interest, but jumped when she realized the comment had been directed at _them._ An elderly man was sitting across the aisle, resting his hands on top of his walking stick.

"Morning, sir," said Rouge politely.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" continued the guy.

"Yeah, it is," agreed Rouge.

"Reminds me of the day I was stationed in Wollongong," the guy remarked. "You ever been to Wollongong, missy?"

"Uh, no, I don't think—"

"It was one heck of a day," the guy continued adamantly. "Just like today, only more so. They had me stationed there as part of the rabbit-controlling forces."

"Oh, I see," said Rouge, hoping the fellow was finished.

Not likely. He appeared to have every intention of recounting his entire life history to the two random Mobians.

"The rabbits were one thing," he averred grimly, "but the kangaroos were entirely another! Missy, if you ever go to Wollongong, carry an umbrella!"

"An . . . umbrella," said Rouge dubiously.

"Yup. When you see those kangaroos stampeding your way, just open that umbrella good and fast, and wave it at 'em. Usually works. Doesn't work on the magpies, though. You ever been attacked by an Australian magpie?"

"No . . . "

"You're a lucky one!" The guy shook his head sadly. "Don't go to Wollongong, then. Magpies were a menace to end all menaces. Got out of that city as soon as they let me off duty, I did." He sighed glumly. "Only good part of it was that I met Ethel there." He nudged the dozing woman next to him. "Ethel, wake up! I was just having a nice conversation with these two kids here."

Ethel came awake and eyed the two Mobians with interest.

"Morning, ducks," she smiled. "Tell me honey, do you like pancakes?"

"Uhhh . . . "

"There's a splendid place for pancakes just on the next stop. Make 'em fresh by the hour, any kind you like. They had a wonderful special on the blueberry-cherry ones yesterday. You ever been there?"

"No, I—"

"Well whatever you do, don't try the orange-lemon ones," said Ethel solemnly. She leaned conspiratorially across the aisle and whispered loudly, "The manager says they're harmless, but they'll give you the yellow fever and make your hair fall out!"

"Oh. Okay. Got it," said Rouge, her ears skewed in a mix of bewilderment and annoyance. _What_ a conversation this was turning out to be! It didn't help that she could feel Shadow laughing silently beside her.

"I should let you do the talking more often," he whispered.

"Oh, shut up," Rouge whispered back, trying not to smile.

The elderly couple evidently had a stop after Shadow and Rouge's, because they stayed on the bus all while the Mobians were on it. Rouge was exceedingly grateful when they reached the hospital.

At the hospital, there was a new issue, because they wanted Rouge to take Shadow to the vet instead. An unamused Rouge told them no way, no how, so eventually a doctor called Quern agreed to have a look at Shadow.

Shadow was not the best of patients. He glared at the doctor and wouldn't do anything he was asked. When Dr. Quern, interested in his unusual charge, attempted to pry open Shadow's mouth to examine his teeth, the hedgehog bit him.

"Shadow! Behave!" scolded Rouge. "He's trying to help you!"

"I'm not sick," growled Shadow stubbornly, and attempted to eat the tongue depresser the doctor was depressing his tongue with. Seeing how things stood, the doctor was wise enough not to try hitting Shadow's knee with one of those little rubber mallets.

"So, what's wrong with him?" asked Rouge, when the examination was over.

"Well, it's hard to pin down," said Dr. Quern. "I'm not used to treating—what did you say you were?"

"Mobians."

"Yeah, Mobians. But anyway, it's an odd set of symptoms. I don't suppose you've eaten pancakes recently?"

"No, he hasn't," said Rouge, just as Shadow said, "Actually, yes."

"Wait, what?!" demanded Rouge.

Dr. Quern seemed to understand the situation, though.

"Orange-lemon?" he asked knowingly.

"Believe so, yes," said Shadow.

"At that pancake place on Fourth Street?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh boy, those," sighed Dr. Quern. "They give everyone fever and hair loss."

"So _that's_ where you were yesterday morning!" sputtered Rouge. "Great, now you've gone and gotten poisoned!"

"No, no, the pancakes are weird but fairly harmless," assured Dr. Quern. "The fever will go down in a few hours, and the hair—er—quill loss won't be too bad."

"And my quills grow back quickly," said Shadow, sliding off the examination table. "How much do we owe you, Doctor?"

"Never mind," said Dr. Quern, waving a hand. "It's been interesting enough getting the chance to examine a creature like you."

"Mutual," smirked Shadow. Dr. Quern laughed and showed them to the door.

"You have got to be _kidding_ me!" burst out Rouge, the minute they were in the hallway. "We went through that whole rigmarole because you went and poisoned yourself on pancakes?! Why would you do that?"

"I'm sick of fish," retorted Shadow. "And the pancakes were good."

"You could at least have brought me along!"

"Oh no, you say you like fish. Now come on. We're _not_ taking the bus back."

Rouge gritted her teeth and made no further comment.

"Have a nice day!" chirped the receptionist as they passed the desk. "Were you a good patient?"

Shadow's ears flattened slightly in annoyance, but his nose also twitched at the scent of sugar—there was a small bowl of Dum-Dum pops on the counter. Well, for sugar he'd make some compromises.

"Pretty good," he ventured. The receptionist raised her eyebrows at his voice, but smiled.

"Well then, I guess you deserve a reward!"

Digging behind the counter, she produced a little strip of paper and handed it to Shadow.

"Here's a sticker!" she said cheerfully.

Rouge burst out laughing. She knew she was risking the wrath of a very short-tempered hedgehog, but the look on Shadow's face was just too much.


	41. Meet Me In St Louis

**A/N: Request for Dooney! Enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., and I still don't own Disneyland, either. Or any of that cool stuff down in St. Louis.**

**By the way, credit to Wikipedia for a lot of the content in here! Man, I love Wikipedia.**

* * *

"Where's the fair?" called Rouge, trying to see ahead of the motorcycle.

"There's no fair. The song is actually about the 1904 World's Fair, which was held in St. Louis."

"Awww, what a ripoff! I was hoping we could actually go on the rides this time. Unlike Disneyland."

Shadow set his teeth, a reaction to the word "Disneyland" that was becoming worrisomely habitual.

"No reason to knock the World's Fair, you know," he retorted over his shoulder. "And also, in the very same year, St. Louis got to be the first non-European city to host the Olympics! It was quite a year for this city."

"Heyyy, I'm supposed to be the one who reads the guidebooks!" protested Rouge.

"You slept late. I was bored, and I read the whole thing in half an hour."

"From now on I wake up early," muttered Rouge. She only liked a constant barrage of facts when she was the one supplying it.

"And somewhere around here, there should be the Gateway—" Shadow broke off and tilted his head appraisingly. "Hmm. Not bad."

That was pretty high praise coming from Shadow the Hedgehog. And indeed, the Gateway Arch, rising up in the distance and glinting in the sunlight, was pretty fascinating. Not to mention enormous.

"Can we get closer?" asked Rouge eagerly.

"If I understand correctly, you can actually go inside," replied Shadow.

"Cool! Let's."

It took a long time to find a parking space, but at last they managed to park the motorcycle and trot over to the enormous arch. They did go inside, but they found the elevator slightly unnerving.

"This room is egg-shaped," said Rouge, looking around the elevator capsule keenly. "Do you suppose Eggman had something to do with the construction of this thing?"

"It was built decades ago, so no," said Shadow.

"Maybe one of his ancestors, then? Professor Gerald?!"

"No. Professor Gerald did not have an obsession with eggs. That's an idée fixe peculiar to our Doctor."

"Oh, so just because you've read the guidebook, now you've got to talk fancy," muttered Rouge under her breath.

There was an observation deck at the top of the arch. The view was quite breathtaking, although Rouge's ability to fly took the charm out of it just a little.

"This is nice and all, but I think I'd rather look at it from the outside," she said. "It's more impressive that way."

"Take a look over there first. That's the Mississippi River, and beyond that Illinois," remarked Shadow.

"Really?" Rouge came over to see. "Oh, that's disappointing. It looks like the same color to me!"

"Come again?"

"Look at the map," said Rouge, pointing to the picture on the back of the guidebook. "Missouri is green, but Illinois is red! I thought you could notice the color difference from this height."

Shadow opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and merely shook his head.

Back on the ground, Shadow and Rouge flopped down on the lawn underneath the arch and squinted up at it against the sunlight. Shadow glanced at a nearby pushcart, where a fellow was selling something with a strong sweet buttery odor.

"Gooey Butter Cakes," Rouge read the sign. "Smells pretty good."

"Yeah, it's supposed to be a St. Louis specialty. But we should probably save our money for something more filling," replied Shadow half-heartedly. He pulled out the guidebook and buried his nose in it.

"It'd make a good swing," remarked Rouge lazily.

"Huh?"

"The arch. If you could just find two long ropes, and a seat, it'd be a huge swingset!"

"You wouldn't get much swinging out of it," remarked Shadow. "The longer a swing's ropes, the harder it is to swing high. With ropes that length, you'd be lucky if you moved at all."

"Okay, a slide then."

"The bases of the legs are almost vertical. It would be more of falling than sliding."

"Then maybe a slingshot!"

"The legs taper. If you tried to tie an elastic to both legs and then pull it back, the ends would probably slide upwards."

Rouge gave him a disgruntled look.

"All right then, so what _would_ it be good for?"

"Nothing besides its current purpose," shrugged Shadow. "Let me see, what was it you said when we saw the Statue of Liberty? Oh, yes. 'Purely aesthetical'. Besides that, it's a symbol of St. Louis and of westward expansion. That's why they call it the Gateway to the West."

"Oh yeah, Mr. Know-It-All? Then if you're so smart, close that book and tell me about this arch from memory, why don't you?"

"All right." Shadow closed the guide book and tossed it to Rouge so she could fact-check. "Let's see. It was completed in 1965, which meant it took only about two years to build. The arch is 630 feet tall, and also 630 feet wide."

"Wait, what?!" Rouge looked up. "That can't be right! This thing looks way taller than it is wide."

"Look it up, it's true," retorted Shadow. "Also, a lot of people have tried to perform stunts with the monument. Parachuting, climbing up it with suction cups, that kind of stuff. It's illegal to do that now, though, so even if the swingset concept did work—" He broke off as he realized Rouge had disappeared.

Well, that couldn't be anything good. Shadow sat up and looked around, and at last saw Rouge flapping rapidly towards the top of the arch. She landed briefly on the apex, then plunged down one of the arch's legs and dove almost all the way to the ground. Pulling up at the last second, she shot across from one leg to the other.

"Rouge, get back here!" Shadow shouted after her. "I just told you it's strictly forbidden to perform stunts around this arch!"

"What?" called Rouge. Swerving around one of the arch's legs, she skimmed back to Shadow and landed lightly on her feet. "I couldn't hear you, the wind is—"

Shadow took her by the wrist and made a break for it, a reaction that was also becoming disturbingly habitual.

"What's going on?!" protested Rouge.

"We don't need to be around if someone calls the police!" growled Shadow over his shoulder.

"Police?!"

"You're not allowed to perform stunts around the—"

"I wasn't stunting! I just wanted to count wing flaps to measure if it really was the same height and width!"

By now they had reached the motorcycle again.

"Troublemaker," muttered Shadow under his breath, checking the parking meter. "Couldn't you just take the guidebook's word for it?"

"The guidebook lied!" sang Rouge. "It was way taller than it was wide!"

"It was not."

"It was too! It took me fifty-five wing-flaps to get to the top, and only twenty to get from one side to the other!"

"You were fighting gravity on the way up."

"Hmmm," said Rouge. "Hadn't thought of that."

"Right," said Shadow, sounding wholly unconvinced. "Right."

* * *

**A/N: By the way, "Troublemaker" seems to practically be Rouge's official nickname by now. She works hard to earn it, y'know. XD**

**No, seriously, it's actually a reference to "Sonic Adventure 2." Back on Prison Island, when Rouge was trapped in the building, Shadow mutters "Troublemaker!" just before he goes to get her out. Call me weird, but I always thought that scene was kind of cute. :P**


	42. Cure-All

**A/N: Well, this'll be a short one. And yesterday I only managed to post one chapter . . . eh, I should be back on track soon.**

**Oh, and I'm pretty psyched that someone got the song reference in the title of the last chapter! I wasn't sure if anyone would know "Meet Me in St. Louis, Louis," since the only place I ever heard it was on one of my Mickey Mouse singalong tapes when I was really little. Pretty song, though. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

The situation was less than ideal. The Earth branch of G.U.N. had another mission they wanted Shadow and Rouge to complete, and for good measure it was a stealth mission. Absolute silence was a must, and the mission started in half an hour. Luckily, Shadow was fast. Within only a few minutes, he had jet-skated to the nearest town, skidded into a pharmacy, and hooked his elbows over the counter as usual.

"Hey, quick!" he called to the pharmacist. "Do you have anything for the hiccups?"

The pharmacist glanced over keenly, seized a glass of water, and tossed its contents over the very startled hedgehog. Shadow slipped back off the counter in surprise.

He was back up on it in less than no time, however.

"Son of a GUN agent!" he growled, in a tone that indicated nothing good in the future. "_What the heck was that for?!_"

The pharmacist seemed unruffled.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups now, do you?"

"No," growled Shadow. "But Rouge still does, back at the mission start point."

* * *

**A/N: Oh, and before you ask: No, Shadow just can not get a break. Poor fellow is way too much fun to torment. :P That's not saying he won't get his own back someday, though . . .**


	43. Let's All Do the Martian Hop!

**A/N: By the way, if you want a good laugh, look up the song in the title. "The Martian Hop" is a very old song by the Ran Dells. Mannn, they don't make 'em like they used to. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.!**

* * *

"Roswell," murmured Rouge. "It's a pretty name. Don't see what all the fuss is about."

"Aliens, Rouge. These Earth people seem to be pretty worked up about aliens."

"What do you mean, 'these Earth people'? You make it sound like—" Rouge blinked suddenly. "Shadow. We're from Mobius. _We're_ aliens."

"Yeah, I know that. Now it hits you? I'm surprised there haven't been any mass panics yet."

"Dangit . . . we're _aliens_," muttered Rouge, still amazed at the notion.

"Just be glad we weren't forced to follow the usual alien dress code. I don't much go for those large, dark, almond-shaped eyes."

Rouge shuddered.

"I wouldn't want to be green, either."

They happened to run into a tour guide, who was taking people to all the non-restricted areas and explaining about aliens. Rouge and Shadow joined the group, but it soon became evident that Shadow was at a serious risk for concussion. He kept smacking himself in the forehead.

"I can't take this," he groaned at last. "I've never heard such a load of trash. Let's get out of here."

Somehow the tour guide heard that.

"What's this, what's this? An unbeliever?" he scowled. "Look, buddy, if you don't believe in aliens, don't come on these tours! I don't need any trolls hanging around."

"I'm not a troll. I'm a hedgehog," said Shadow. "You wouldn't happen to be related to that other guy who thought I was a road-hog, would you?"

The tour guide registered a double-take, as did the tourists.

"What the dickens are you?!"

"I just told you, I'm a hedgehog! From Mobius. If you want to put it that way, I'm an alien."

"No you're not! You couldn't be!"

"And you tell me that _I_ don't believe in aliens," grumbled Shadow.

"Your ideas are all loony," joined in Rouge. "I've never once seen an alien like in the movies. Aliens look like Shadow and me. Or they're little flying octopus-like creatures that come in all kinds of colors and contain a mystical energy force. Or they're plant-based life forms with buoyant green hair and built-in skirts, or else branch-like antlers. Or else they're little roly-poly critters in pastel and earth-toned hues, with fluffy puffs on top of their heads. There used to be huge black flying creatures, and big troll-like monster creatures, but they're gone now. Shadow got rid of 'em." Shadow smirked dangerously in agreement.

"You're a lunatic!" sputtered the tour guide. "Aliens don't look like that! There is absolutely no documented evidence—"

"Evidence," snorted Shadow. "You fools wouldn't know evidence if it kicked you in the shin. What am I, if not evidence? I'm standing here in front of you—you're telling me that my type has never been seen? Well, you've seen it now."

"Get out of here, you troll," growled the tour guide. "What are you, a kid in some lame fursuit?"

"Not that old line again," Shadow growled in return. "Fine. You go on with your little fantasies about green aliens with large heads and tiny bodies. But let me tell you, if they had such large heads, they'd have brains enough not to come here!"

He swung around and stalked off.

"To the ship, Commander?" grinned Rouge, following.

"To the ship," said Shadow grimly. "Lieutenant, this planet is unsuitable to sustain our race. We must find a different planet to colonize."

"Shall we first punish these inferior beings with our horrific Glucose Missiles?"

"Negative, Lieutenant. Their mental capacities are such that our attacks would do little more than confuse them."

"I still urge the use of the Glucose Missiles!"

"Lieutenant, get in line!" warned Shadow. "I'll not have you wasting good—" He broke off as a marshmallow bounced off his nose. "Hey! I told you not to waste the—"

"I'm staging a mutiny!" grinned Rouge, flicking another "missile" in his direction, then dashing off.

"Get back here!"

Earthlings don't know much about aliens. But even if they did, they probably wouldn't believe it.


	44. Purse Pursuit

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or the movie referenced, or Doritos!**

* * *

"Where'd you get that?" asked Shadow, eyeing the small green boogie board Rouge was clutching.

"From a couple of girls, Mr. Suspicious," replied Rouge. "They said I could borrow it, because they were more interested in sunbathing than surfing."

"Sunbathing on a cloudy day?"

"Well, some people are determined," shrugged Rouge. She grimaced up at the sky. "Heck, the less sunlight, the better. I like a nice dark day." Turning back earthward, she waved the boogie board at Shadow. "So, we should be able to surf on this thing. You want to try first?"

"No thanks. I'll stay here," said Shadow, settling down on the still-warm sand.

"Aww, come on. It'll be fun!"

"Nope."

"Oh, fine. Stay here and be bored. I'm outta here."

"Don't forget to yell something about cows," said Shadow drowsily.

"Huh?"

"I dunno. I heard that they always yell something about cows while surfing."

"Kinda weird," said Rouge thoughtfully. "But okay, I'll give it a go."

She shot off into the water. Shadow watched with one eye, mildly surprised at how long she managed to stay upright. A faint cheer drifted over across the water.

"Something about cows!" whooped Rouge, just before tumbling off the board.

"Not quite what I meant . . . " sighed Shadow.

Rouge went out and back a couple of times, with varying success. At length she came back for good, dripping wet, but inordinately cheerful all the same.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" asked Shadow as they headed back to the motorcycle.

"No, I—" Rouge jumped. "Whoops! The board!"

Shadow waited resignedly as Rouge darted off to return the boogie board to its owners. His back was turned to the motorcycle, but he glanced around when he heard the sound of thudding footsteps. All he saw was a fellow tearing across the parking lot. Crazy joggers. In this heat? Even the Faker would probably be hiding in the shade with his tongue panting, in this kind of weather.

Shadow turned back as Rouge came skidding over.

"Okay, let's get a—ohmygosh _no!_"

"What now?" asked Shadow uneasily, as Rouge began to hunt all around the motorcycle.

"Where's my purse-thingy?"

Shadow groaned.

"With that guy who just ran out of here."

"_What?!_ What did he look like?"

"Brown hair, blue jogging suit. I only saw his back," said Shadow grimly. "That purse had our money in it, didn't it?"

"That and, uh . . . our key," gulped Rouge.

"I swear," growled Shadow. "If we wind up searching for that key one more time, we'll have to name it Nemo."

"Well, let's not stand around here! We've gotta catch that guy!"

Nodding, Shadow took off in the direction he'd seen the man running.

It was a long shot, but they found him. He happened to be tearing through the doors of a department store.

"Oh, this'll be interesting," groaned Shadow, already slicing down the street in pursuit. As he dove into the store, Rouge pulled up short and stopped beside the front desk.

"Look, if you see a guy in a blue jogging suit, let us know!" she said, slightly breathless. "Don't let him leave the store if you can help it!"

"Wh—what? Why?" asked the clerk, bewildered.

"Or if you see a bag-type thingy!" Rouge rattled on. "He might try to stash it somewhere! It's too big to be a purse, but much too small to be a tote bag, and it's black and pink and made of cloth, 'kay?"

"Uhh—"

Rouge was already diving off.

"Seen him?" she called to Shadow as he skidded past the garden supply section.

"Not a sign," said Shadow grimly. "I haven't seen any alternate exits, but I hope he hasn't hidden in an employees-only room."

"There!" cried Rouge all of a sudden. "But he doesn't have the bag anymore!"

Rouge dove at the thief and held him down. Meanwhile, Shadow disappeared in a flash of black and gold. Rouge could hear him whizzing around the store at incredible speeds. Hopefully he wasn't mowing down any innocent shoppers.

"Nothing!" growled Shadow, reappearing nearby. "I've searched the whole store and it's not anywhere!"

"It's in plain sight," smirked the thief, whom Rouge was still pinning to the floor. Shadow gave the guy a warning look.

"We have ways of making you talk," he said darkly. "Hold him a minute more, Rouge, while I go find a rake and a bag of Doritos."

"Wait, no! I know where it is!" cried Rouge, springing to her feet. "Come on!"

Shadow growled as the thief shot off in the opposite direction, but decided he'd better follow Rouge instead. She had more potential for trouble than _three_ weird guys in jogging suits, purse-snatchers or no.

Setting out, he found Rouge in the midst of a solid wall of pink, a.k.a. the girls' toy aisle.

"I think I'm getting eye damage," he muttered, squinting. "What are you doing here?"

"Found it!" sang Rouge, holding up her purse. "Clever dog! It blended right in with all this other pink stuff. Even threw it into the goth-girls section, so there were bits of black too. We're dealing with a pretty smart cookie!"

"Well, we _were_ dealing with him," sighed Shadow.

Suddenly there was a quiet but rapid series of clicks. Four Mobian ears perked up, just as a small shiny hook flashed through the air, snagged the handle of Rouge's purse, and tugged it right out of her hands. From the next aisle came the buzzing sound of a toy fishing pole. Rouge recovered from the surprise just as her purse vanished over the nearest shelf.

"See, what did I tell you?" she said. "Smart cookie."

Shadow whizzed to the next aisle, but there was nobody there.

"Where is he?" he barked to Rouge.

"I don't know, I didn't see him!"

There was a faint clatter above their heads.

"On top of the shelf!" cried Rouge, diving. The fellow was already gone, however.

After a few more minutes of searching, they found the guy scrambling up the escalator. Reaching the top, he threw down a stack of patio-furniture cushions. This wasn't an issue for Rouge, since she was in the air, but Shadow happened to be in the middle of the escalator. Growling, he swung quickly up onto the railing and let the avalanche of pillows tumble by.

"What are you waiting for?" he called, dashing easily up the railing. Rouge flapped after him. Still, the pillow avalanche had bought the thief enough time to disappear.

"Shh!" said Rouge. "We've gotta catch him by surprise!"

Instead of staying in the main aisles, the two Mobians dodged into the midst of the clothing department, weaving around the racks. They also tried whisking underneath the long clothing racks, but thought better of that after scaring a few shoppers out of their wits. As they circled stealthily around a shelf of jeans, Rouge grabbed Shadow's arm and pointed. A figure in a blue jogging suit was standing nearby, his back turned to them.

Shadow nodded in understanding. If Team Dark was good at one thing, it was the fine art of the sneak attack. The two of them crept silently around to either side of the thief. With nothing more than a quick glance as a signal, they dove at the unfortunate guy and sent him crashing to the ground.

"Holy—!" Rouge jumped back as the fellow's head and left arm came off and clattered across the floor.

"A fake!" growled Shadow, giving the clothes dummy an angry kick. "He _is_ a smart one! Dressing up a model in similar clothes to distract us—where did he even get this?"

"Sh-Shadow . . . " interrupted Rouge, a tad shakily. "Look around."

Shadow looked around. There were similar figures everywhere, stationed by the main pathways of the store. They were all well-dressed, but pale and unnatural-looking . . . and most of them had no heads. Some of them had no arms or legs either.

"Great. So what creepypasta did we end up in?"

"It's scary . . . " said Rouge unhappily. "Look. Even the ones who do have heads don't have any faces!"

"They won't hurt you," scoffed Shadow. "They're just plastic."

"I know, I know. But let's get out of here. There's just this huge army of headless, limbless, faceless beings standing around . . . Some decorator has one _sick_ sense of style."

"I'll give you that much," conceded Shadow. "Come on, that thief's still around here somewhere."

Continuing their search, they finally found the thief dodging into the furniture section.

"Perfect," said Rouge, whisking under a bed. Sighing, Shadow swung after her.

It was a laborious chase. Shadow stayed under the beds, slipping silently from one to the other when the coast was clear. Meanwhile, Rouge circled around to the regular furniture section, ducking behind sofas, popping in and out of clothing chests, and slinking around armchairs. Between the two of them, they managed to get the thief surrounded.

"Gotcha!" whooped Rouge, springing from the top of a bookshelf onto the unfortunate fellow's head. "Surrender!"

"Look out!" called Shadow, as the bookshelf began to tilt over ponderously. Diving, he managed to shove Rouge out of the way just in time, although she did get thrown back pretty hard against a wardrobe.

"Are you all right?" asked Shadow, getting up. Rouge blinked woozily.

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed is currently unavailable."

"Uh . . . "

"I'm fine," grinned Rouge, gingerly rubbing the back of her head. "Ack! The guy's getting away!"

Growling impatiently, Shadow mowed the fellow back down to the floor.

"I've had enough!" he declared, wrestling the bag out of the thief's hands. "Think fast, Rouge."

Rouge caught the purse as he tossed it to her, then searched its contents.

"Everything's still here!" she called cheerfully.

"Good." Shadow let go of the guy and went over to push the bookshelf back upright.

"As to you!" said Rouge, folding her arms and giving the thief a grim look. "Do you realize you've just stolen from a gal who happens to be a master thief?And evaded one of Mobius' fastest runners for a full forty-five minutes? And kept Mobius' two very best hunters hunting for a full thirty-five minutes?"

"So?" asked the thief sullenly.

Rouge smiled and reached out a hand. "Re-_spect._"

The thief looked at her blankly for a minute, then shook her hand, his expression still somewhat bewildered.

"Come on," called Shadow. "We still have to fix up that plastic guy we knocked over."

"Ugh. Do we really have to go back there?"

On their way out of the department store, Rouge and Shadow stopped by the front desk again.

"You can let the guy in the blue jogging suit leave now, if you see him," said Rouge cheerfully.

"Uh . . . okay . . . " said the clerk.

"And by the way," said Shadow, elbow-standing on the counter. "I don't claim to have much taste in decorating. But you really should do something about that army of headless people up on the second floor."

He and Rouge proceeded out of the store, leaving the clerk staring after them.

* * *

**A/N: Heh, couldn't resist . . . when you think about it, clothing dummies are freakin' scary. o.O And also, a furniture store would be the best place EVER for hide-and-seek!**


	45. Evening? Dusk? Nightfall? Sundown?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson, or any of the Twilight franchise!**

**And apologies in advance to any Twilight fans out there. Shadow has his own ideas. ^_^"**

* * *

While driving along one evening, Shadow and Rouge encountered a broken-down car. They stopped to help the driver, who was all in a tizzy.

"Want us to try fixing it?" asked Rouge.

"That would be wonderful!" sighed the man. "What a day I've been having. I've got an unexpected work meeting in half an hour, and now of all times my car's chosen to break down!"

Rouge lifted the hood and tinkered inside the car for a while. Then Shadow kicked it in the license plate. The car roared to life.

"Oh, thank you!" said the driver gratefully. "Say, as a token of my gratitude, would you like these?"

"What are they?" asked Rouge.

"Tickets to the drive-in movie that's playing tonight. I was going to take my daughter there, but what with the work meeting . . . ack! The work meeting!"

Tossing the tickets to Rouge and calling his thanks again, he jumped in his car and tore off.

Shadow sighed resignedly as Rouge studied the little slips of paper.

"So, what movie are they tickets to?"

"Twilight."

Shadow performed a neat about-face and started walking.

"Hey, hey, hold up!" protested Rouge, grabbing him by the elbow. "It can't be that bad!"

"Oh, yes it can. The sky will turn to blueberry jam before I, dead or alive, watch Twilight!"

Twenty minutes later . . .

"Well, that blueberry jam looks good," muttered Shadow morosely, lying on the Harley-Davidson with his head on the handlebars.

"Quit gazing at the sky and watch the movie. It's starting!"

"The sky is gone, Rouge. It's blueberry jam now."

"Stop your sulking! I bet you'll love Twilight."

"That blueberry jam sure looks good . . . "

It took some convincing, but Rouge talked Shadow into at least giving the movie a chance. They found that their view was obstructed by other cars, so they asked permission to sit on top of an SUV nearby. The view there was quite splendid.

Ironically, Rouge was the first one to get bored.

"Psst, look over there," she whispered, nudging Shadow. "Seems like all these cars have teenaged couples in 'em."

"That's because the movie is for teenaged girls," Shadow whispered back. "And they drag along their very unfortunate boyfriends."

"I don't think they mind. They're not really focusing on the show," remarked Rouge.

"Neither are you."

"Man, they don't need to put any kissing in this movie," muttered Rouge. "There's enough going on out here."

Shadow at last got tired of Rouge's fidgeting, and went to get himself some popcorn at the concessions stand. By the time he'd finished clawing his way up onto the counter and carefully edging back off without spilling his popcorn, he became aware of a commotion among the audience. Turning, he blinked in disbelief.

On the large fabric movie screen, Bella and Edward were lying in some meadow, staring into each other's eyes. However, just to their left was an enormous shadowy rabbit's head. It twitched its nose provocatively, but the lovebirds didn't even notice. The audience sure did, though. They noticed even more when a giant shadowy crocodile appeared on the right side of the screen. As Edward and Bella continued to gaze deeply into each others' eyes, the crocodile chased the rabbit all over the screen, finally devouring it with much flying of fingers.

Shadow threw down his popcorn and raced off.

"Rouge!" he whisper-shouted up at the bat. "Get down here!"

Rouge glanced down at him from midair, her hands still raised above her head. Then she threw herself forward lightly, gliding on the breeze.

"Where are you going, you troublemaker?!" barked Shadow.

In response, Rouge glided upwards, casting a full silhouette on the movie screen. If you didn't know it was a friendly Mobian bat, the winged figure with huge pointy ears could look pretty terrifying. There were plenty of screams, and some brewing panic.

Shadow acted quickly. As the video projector abruptly shut off, and before proper chaos could break out, he scrabbled up on top of a pickup truck. Then he jumped off that to a lamppost, hand-over-kneed up that as far as he could, and leaped sidewise to tackle Rouge out of midair. She flapped her wings wildly to break their fall.

"What the heck are you—"

Before she could finish, Shadow was already hauling her rapidly to the front of the parking lot. A few deft jumps, and they were standing on top of the movie screen. Shadow blew a piercing whistle on his fingers, momentarily silencing the uproar brewing below.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Calm down! It's only Rouge!"

"'Only' Rouge?" snorted the owner of this name. "Really now!" She waved cheerfully to the audience. "Don't worry, I'm perfectly harmless!" she called.

The panic abated rapidly, but was just as rapidly replaced by an angry grumbling. Above this came one piercing bellow from below.

"GET DOWN HERE!"

Long and short of it, Shadow and Rouge were thrown out of the drive-in so fast they almost didn't have a chance to retrieve their motorcycle. Shadow was furious; Rouge could feel it right through her fingertips as she held his waist. She didn't say anything for a while.

"Shads?" she ventured at last, leaning to the side in hopes of getting a look at his face. "Shads, are you angry?"

A wrathful glance with one eye was all she got. She abated slightly, but couldn't help but smile a little as a thought crossed her mind.

"Is it because you didn't get to see the end of the movie?"


	46. Fair Play

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson! **

* * *

Hotels had long since become a forbidden luxury for Shadow and Rouge, as they kept saving up money as long as they could. When the weather was horrific, they would find a very cheap motel, or grimly wait it out underneath an overpass. One night, however, it was pleasant and warm, not to mention 1 AM, so they flopped down at the edge of a field. There were some kind of trucks and equipment scattered around, but they paid that no mind. Rouge swung from her knees in a tree, while Shadow curled up at the tree's base. They drifted off that way.

When they awoke, they were aghast. The field all around them was littered with machinery and booths, people were scurrying everywhere—and Shadow's Harley-Davidson was gone.

Shadow scrambled to his feet, swearing.

"Honestly? Really? Somebody just steals it from right under our noses, with all these people all over the place? Seriously?"

"Calm down," said Rouge levelly. "We'll find it. Remember, no human could drive that thing, it's too small. So they'd have to drag it with them, and that means they couldn't have gotten very far!"

"Right," growled Shadow. "And I'm going to kill them when I find them."

"Take it easy," sighed Rouge, rolling her eyes.

They began to weave through all the scurrying workmen, their eyes searching among the machinery.

"There!" cried Rouge, pointing. "Look! They have _tons_ of Mobian-sized motorcycles!"

"It's a gosh-darned smuggling ring," growled Shadow, stomping forward. When Shadow made a stomping approach, wise creatures fled for their lives. The workmen, however, only seemed a little surprised at the sight of a Mobian, especially one storming into the midst of the little motorcycles.

"Found it!" growled Shadow, pulling his Harley-Davidson from among the other bikes. Then he turned to the workmen. "All right, you sons of guns, I'll fix you good for stealing my ride!"

"Stealing your ride? You're stealing parts from _our_ ride!" snorted one of the workmen. "What even are you?"

"Shadow," called Rouge, forestalling an acerbic line from the hedgehog. "These other motorcycles are . . . fake!"

"Whaddaya mean, fake?" demanded Shadow.

"Their wheels don't move. They're made entirely of plastic. They don't even have working gas or brake pedals!" said Rouge, pointing at the other bikes. "I don't know why anyone would smuggle them."

"You're not from around these parts, are you?" asked one of the workmen, shaking his head. "Haven't you ever seen a carnival ride before?"

"I have a feeling this is going to wind up like those ride-on Jeeps at the mall," groaned Rouge.

The workmen explained about county fairs, and the kiddie ride they were trying to put up. They also apologized for taking Shadow's motorcycle; they'd thought somebody had stolen one of the kiddie-ride motorcycles and vandalized it.

"Really," growled Shadow. "It's bad enough to have my bike mistaken for a baby ride, but a vandalized one? Really?"

"It doesn't look the greatest," shrugged a workman. "What did you do to it, anyway?"

Shadow glanced at the dented, paint-stripped, white-streaked motorcycle and sighed glumly.

After putting Shadow's bike away safely, Shadow and Rouge kept wandering around the carnival. They helped set up some of the rides, games, and booths, and in return got free admission and ten tickets, good for both rides and games. A kind booth owner also gave them a caramel apple each. If Shadow had been in a bad mood before, he forgot all about it now. As the carnival opened for business, he and Rouge wandered about some more, eyeing everything. They stopped by the various farm animal contests, where a cow ate what was left of Rouge's caramel apple.

"Hey!" yelped Rouge in annoyance.

"I told you to eat it faster," smirked Shadow, reaching up to scratch the cow behind the ear. The cow sniffed at the caramel on his muzzle and tried to lick him.

"No you don't!" said Shadow, hastily backing off.

As they returned to the midway, they were accosted by a game operator.

"You there! You're the ones who helped me set up my game! What did you _do_ to it?"

"Nothing," said Rouge innocently. "It got a little bent up in transit, but I fixed it up. That's all."

"You little—"

"Uhh, we'll be going now!" gulped Rouge, grabbing Shadow by the arm and skedaddling.

"Rouge, what did you do?" growled Shadow, when they were at a safe distance.

"The basketball toss game," said Rouge, grinning sheepishly. "I thought it was damaged, because the hoops were all oval instead of round. So I . . . kinda bent them back into shape. I guess they were supposed to be oval, and now the guy is mad because people keep sinking the shots when they're supposed to bounce off . . . "

Shadow shut his eyes and sighed heavily.

"I know, I know, I'm a troublemaker," sighed Rouge.

"Actually," said Shadow, opening his eyes, "that was pretty good. Takes a swindler to defeat a swindler."

"Heyyyy!" Rouge shoved his arm playfully.

Since they had the tickets, they decided to try one of the rides. To finally make up for Disneyland, and hopefully to convince Shadow to stop gritting his teeth whenever he heard that word.

"Wanna try the motorcycle ride?" grinned Rouge.

"How about something a little more exciting?" replied Shadow calmly. "That one looks pretty good."

Rouge craned her neck back to look up the ride, which was called The Tango. It looked like a giant electric toothbrush, sort of; it would start lying on the ground, then raise itself up vertically and twist its head around and around, tumbling its passengers every which way through midair. It went so high that it passed Rouge's reasonable field of vision; she started to teeter backwards. Shadow put a hand under her shoulders to steady her, shaking his head.

"On second thought, no. If you can't even look at it without falling over . . . "

"Very funny. Actually, it looks awesome! Let's ride it!"

"Well, you don't have to get _that_ excited."

They got into line, watching as the ride finally touched back down. The passengers getting off looked so shaky it made Rouge's wings twitch with anticipation. This was going to be great!

The ride operator stared blankly at the two Mobians as they held up their tickets.

"Stand against that thing," he instructed.

Dubiously, Rouge stood against the plastic sign hung on the ride's fence. On it was a red stripe, which turned green higher up. The top of Rouge's head was still far into the red region.

"You're too short," said the ride operator, waving at them to be off.

"Too short?! What the—"

"Rules are rules. I can't let anyone too short onto that ride," retorted the operator.

"I'm _eighteen!_ I'm not gonna _get_ any taller! Why would my height matter?"

"Get lost," groaned the operator.

Shadow gritted his teeth, but said nothing. He and Rouge went on. To their chagrin, they were below the height limit of all the cool rides. It was maddening.

"We could always try the merry-go-round," said Rouge sarcastically, flopping onto a bench.

"Or a game," suggested Shadow. "Or we could just sell the tickets."

"Or the Ferris wheel," said Rouge thoughtfully. "That might not be so bad."

"Pshaw. You've flown higher than that thing. Why would you want to sit there and slowly circle around?"

"More relaxing than flying," shrugged Rouge.

"I don't do 'relaxing'."

"And—" Rouge blew out her breath. "Never mind. Let's just sell the tickets."

They found out how much fair tickets were selling for, then sold theirs to a family for a slightly discounted price. With that they bought admission to a pie-eating contest and had lunch, after a manner of speaking. For good measure, their efficient Mobian appetites got them second place, which was a fair amount of cash.

"That's the way to do it," said Rouge with satisfaction. "We actually _made_ money off this whole endeavor."

"We could have made more," grumbled Shadow. "The first-place winners cheated. I saw them."

"Nothing we can do about it," sighed Rouge.

"I swear I'll bite them."

"You will not bite them!" Rouge took Shadow by the arm warningly. "I think you've had too much sugar, too fast. We'd better leave before something happens."

"Hey, you're the troublemaker, not me."

"Not when you're rabid."

"I am not rabid."

"Right. Just like you didn't wreck the sidecar on purpose."

"Will you ever quit nagging me about that?"

"You're clueless," muttered Rouge.

As they drove out of the parking lot, Shadow glanced up at the sign.

"County Fair," he muttered. "Why in the world do they call it a 'fair'? They tried to steal my bike, the games are all swindles, they don't let us on the rides even though we're old enough, the contest winners cheat—nothing 'fair' about any of it."

"I'll fix that," grinned Rouge. "Pull over for a minute, couldja?"

She pulled a tube of mascara from her bag, flew up to the sign, and quickly painted in an 'Un' just in front of 'Fair'.

"Now let's get out of here!" she whooped, diving back to the bike.

"Troublemaker," muttered Shadow, starting off.

"Well, at least I'm not rabid."

"For the last time, Rouge, I am not rabid!"


	47. Evasive Maneuvers

**A/N: Request for ChelseaSienaJosephineCassandra! Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

"Lovely landscape," shivered Rouge. "Lousy weather."

The scenery would have been a sight better if it wasn't raining so persistently all the time. Usually Shadow and Rouge would just grimly tolerate bad weather, or wait for it to pass, but now it had been going and going for ages.

"Seems to be a lot of cars there," remarked Shadow. "Maybe we can get under a roof somewhere."

Parking the motorcycle, they slipped indoors and into the crowd of people milling about.

"What _is_ it?" asked Rouge in amazement. Shadow pointed at a banner.

"Comic-con. Whatever that is."

"What are _those?_" continued Rouge, eyeing some nearby people in disbelief.

"People in very strange costumes," said Shadow.

"You know what, I'm starting to understand why everyone thinks we're wearing fursuits," said Rouge. "We fit right in here!"

"True," said Shadow. "True. Now tell me something."

"Yeah?"

"If I see someone dressed as the Faker, do I get to punch him?"

"No!"

"What if someone's dressed as _me?_"

"Double no! That would be self-injury."

"Then we're wasting our time here," grumbled Shadow.

Suddenly there was a yelp nearby.

"Oh-em-gee, I love your costume!" squealed a teenaged girl. "How old are you, hon?"

"Sixty-four," said Shadow with a straight face. "And it's not a costume."

"Real deal," agreed Rouge.

"Oh . . . my . . . gosh . . . "

"I think we should leave," said Shadow grimly. "I give about forty seconds before they show up."

"They, who?"

"The fangirls."

"Seriously?"

Sure enough, a commotion seemed to be brewing. Shadow pulled Rouge quickly under a table.

"Don't like fangirls?" asked Rouge.

"They're okay," shrugged Shadow. "It's not like I mind the attention. Just—just not all at once. I mean heck, the Faker can't even stand up to Amy Rose—"

"Amy isn't a fangirl!" scolded Rouge. "Can she help it if she's affectionate?"

"Not so loud, they'll find us," hissed Shadow. "Either way, I don't feel like taking them all on at once."

"Couldn't you just carefully sidle up to one or two at a time?"

"They'd swarm," sighed Shadow. "Unless maybe we secretly pull them under the table to chat for a few minutes, one at a time."

"That's like something out of a horror movie!"

"What?"

"The Creature From Underneath the Tablecloth," intoned Rouge. "Snatching innocent young females and sucking them into the dark abyss beneath the table!"

"Not. Funny."

"No seriously Shadow, that's disturbing."

"Well fine then," groaned Shadow. "Let's leave. They're bound to start searching under the tables soon."

He and Rouge shot from under the table and dashed for the entrance.

"Wait!" called a relatively small voice nearby. Against his better instincts, Shadow stopped and turned around.

"Sorry," said a tweenaged girl sheepishly. "Are you really the real Shadow?"

"Frankly, that's something I'd like to know myself," said Shadow ruefully. "But I'm the current working model, yes."

"Can I have your autograph?" asked the girl shyly.

Shadow shrugged and nodded. He took the pad of paper the girl held out, but waved away the pen. Charging a tiny bit of Chaos energy into one finger, he burned an "S" and a tiny Team Dark symbol into the corner of the paper.

"Wow," whispered the girl.

"Don't tell a soul," admonished Shadow. His ears twitched at an approaching commotion. "Shoot, no time to hang around. I can only take you ladies by ones and twos, or else I lose quills and possibly ears."

Rouge half-smiled ruefully as she and Shadow skidded outside again.

"Well, that was sweet," she remarked, with a slightly strange note in her voice.

Shadow blinked at her blankly.

"Don't tell me you're jealous."

"Actually, yes." Rouge chuckled at the look Shadow gave her. "Not in that sense, silly. It's just that . . . ah, well, sometimes I wish I had a couple of fans that rabid. Nobody loves the bat."

"Don't complain!" advised Shadow, hastily pulling her under another table and waiting for the coast to clear. "When all's said and done, you're lucky. You get plenty of recognition, but no scary rabid fans; just reasonable ones. No known haters, nobody doing weird things to you, nobody messing up your personality in fanfics . . . Heck, even ninety percent of the couples you wind up in actually make sense. And you don't even get ignored like Omega."

"Hm. Never thought of it that way . . . "

"Well, you should. There's a lot of Mobians out there who would kill for what you've got."

"Guess so." Rouge smiled ruefully. "Thanks."

"For what?" asked Shadow, sneaking a look under the tablecloth. "Come on, the coast is clear!"

"You know, technically you could outrun them either way."

Shadow was about to reply, but forgot his lines when they stepped outside and got instantly drenched.

"It's still raining," he remarked, somewhat redundantly.

"I've had it," said Rouge. "Before we go any farther, we've got to get something to keep dry. I once saw some thingummies called ponchos at a gas station. They were really cheap, and they could be a disguise for you too. We should get some."

At the next gas station, Shadow stopped to refuel the motorcycle. There was a little convenience store at the station too. Two very wet and bedraggled Mobians trotted inside; two little green hoodie ponchos soon trotted back out.

"A bit oversized, but they'll do," grumbled one of the ponchos. "What are you laughing at?"

"You."

"And why?"

"You look ridiculous!"

"You know you look just like me now."

"Hmm. Point taken."


	48. Mirrors

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Harley-Davidson, or the song referenced!**

* * *

"Next stop, San Francisco," said Shadow, tossing back the hood of his poncho. It was 5 AM, the darkness was just beginning to fade, and the rain had finally let up a little.

"They say the streets in this city are famously steep," said Rouge, reading a free guidebook she had picked up in a welcome center. "They have a photograph."

"Hang the photograph. We've got the actual street in front of us," snorted Shadow.

"Oooh. Not bad," said Rouge, rising slightly from her seat to look down the street. It sloped sharply down before them, shining slightly from the rain.

"Rouge, get down. You're throwing off the balance, it's getting hard to—"

Suddenly the tires of the Harley-Davidson screamed, then utterly ceased to grip.

"Yikes!" yelped Rouge. "Stop this thing!"

"You think I'm not trying?!"

The motorcycle continued to slip furiously down the street, which was luckily not very busy at this hour. Shadow pumped the brakes, but it did no good. Soon the bike drifted sideways, tilting furiously, then began to spin as it descended. Its passengers struggled to keep it upright and out of a deadly roll, Shadow twisting the handlebars grimly, Rouge holding on for dear life.

At last they reached the bottom of the street. It happened to end in a T-intersection, and the motorcycle was still spinning and skidding out of control. It sailed right into the sidewalk and fell over, hurling the passengers onto the grass at the sidewalk's edge.

Shadow sat up, rubbing his head.

"You all right?"

"Let's do that again!" chirped Rouge brightly, popping upright.

"Definitely not."

"Why not? You know you did that on purpose."

"Rouge, believe me. Any accidents involving this motorbike are NOT on purpose! Got it?"

"Don't tell me the brakes failed again."

"No. It's the tires. We've been driving all over creation, they should have been replaced ages ago. We won't be able to keep running on these shreds of rubber much longer."

"Wellllll, we should certainly have an interesting time here, then. Since just about every street is that steep."

"I suggest we see the town on foot."

They left the bike in a parking space and went downtown.

"I kind of like going on foot," said Rouge cheerfully. "When we were on the motorcycle, we kept worrying about traffic and trying to get places. Now we can stop and get a good look around. I never even got a decent chance to see skyscrapers before!"

"Well, there's your skyscrapers. We've had a decent look. Now let's keep going, why don't we?"

No reply.

"Rouge? Hello?" Shadow turned to find nobody there. "Rouge?"

He looked all around, and at last up, only to find that Rouge had flown higher to look at the skyscrapers up close. She had found one that had a mirror-coated outside, and was busily poking at the shiny surface.

Interested, Shadow clambered up a few windowsills till he was almost level with her. The material wasn't quite mirror-like, so his reflection looked a little strange. He couldn't quite pin down what it was, though . . .

Curious, Shadow brushed his finger against the glass. It felt pretty normal. He squinted at his reflection, twitched first one ear, then the other, and crossed and uncrossed his eyes, but he still couldn't make heads or tails out of it.

"Shadow," called Rouge from nearby. "You do know that's a one-way mirror, right?"

"So?"

"So it works as a window the other way. Whoever's in that room can see you."

Shadow started, hastily let go of the windowsill, and landed on his feet on the sidewalk. Rouge followed him down, trying not to laugh.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" growled Shadow, reddening.

"Didn't see you sooner. Besides, I can't help you if you're going to make a fool out of yourself."

"Oh, knock it off. Besides, it's a weekend! There probably wasn't anybody in that office anyway."

"Sure. Whatever salvages your dignity."

Shadow stifled a growl.

After wandering around a while, the two Mobians returned to the Harley-Davidson. On their way out of the city, they passed the Golden Gate Bridge. Shadow pulled over and looked at it disbelievingly.

"Dang. I swear I grind-railed down the cable of a bridge that looked just like this . . . somewhere . . . sometime . . . "

"That was before your most recent memory loss," said Rouge. "Yeah, it does look similar. Going to try it again?"

"Eh. Probably not legal. Besides, it might give me memory loss again."

"I don't think it was the bridge that did it."

"Still, no sense letting history repeat itself."

As they continued on, Rouge kept up a constant commentary about the things she saw, or alternately, the things she'd seen. When Shadow asked for a halt, she stopped talking, but instead began to sing under her breath. Eventually the "under-the-breath" part of it went out the window.

"I left my hearrrt . . . in San Francisco," she warbled a few inches from Shadow's ear.

"And I swear I will leave _you_ in San Francisco, if you don't stop singing!"

"You wouldn't."

"Of course I would. And I'd go to Las Vegas without worrying about what to do with you meanwhile, because you're underaged to go into the casinos."

"You're horrible."

"And you're aggravating."

Rouge muttered something and stuck out her tongue at the back of Shadow's head.

"Grow up, Rouge."

Rouge blinked. How? . . .

Shadow wordlessly tapped the rearview mirror on the handlebar.


	49. Help Wanted

**A/N: This was just a sign I happened to see in a grocery store once. I thought it was a little ambiguous . . . **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co., or Vlasic, or Spam. Is Spam even copyrighted?**

* * *

You'd think, after all this time they'd spent on Earth, all the many grocery stores they'd gone into, Shadow and Rouge wouldn't be able to get into any pickles when grocery shopping. And yet they managed. And they weren't those Vlasic pre-cut extra-crunchy pickles, either.

"Here's a new one," remarked Rouge. "Why is there a phone right here in the canned goods section?"

"You see the sign. 'Need help? Call here'," sighed Shadow. "It's where you phone if you need help."

"Like what? Like if you're being followed by a stalker?"

"Uh . . . maybe. I don't think so."

"Or if somebody's broken into your house, and he's got a gun, and the first place you can think of running to is this grocery store?" persisted Rouge, following Shadow as he looked for the Spam section.

"That'd be highly impractical. I doubt it."

"Or if you're being chased by a bloodthirsty axe-wielding—"

"Good grief," sighed Shadow. "You need help."

Rouge blinked silently.

"Ohhhhh! _That _kind of help!"

A few seconds later Shadow registered her meaning and whirled around.

"Rouge, _put down that phone!_"


	50. Fifty Ways to Say Goodbye

**A/N: Holy cow . . . the last chapter. This is definitely the longest story I've ever posted, and man, am I going to miss it. I've said it before, but it sure bears repeating: you guys have been awesome! Thank you one more time for all the views, reviews, faves, follows, and especially the requests! It's been the greatest chatting with you all and working so many cool ideas into this crazy little story. Hope you had as much fun as I did!**

**Rouge sends you all her thanks for coming along on this adventure. Shadow folds his arms and says "hmph," which I think means he's grateful too. :P**

**So, one more time!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.**

* * *

Rouge realized something was amiss when she and Shadow stopped to get dinner from a food truck.

"Shadow," she said. "We both ordered milkshakes."

"You don't say."

"I know, I know . . . but why the heck? They're certainly not very filling."

"I like milkshakes. And so do you," retorted Shadow.

"And I miss Omega. And so do you."

"Yeah . . . "

Rouge blinked.

"You must be _really_ homesick, if you're actually _admitting_ it."

"Ah, knock it off," grumbled Shadow, stirring his milkshake with the straw. "It's mostly Omega's milkshakes I miss. These don't hold a candle to the ones he could churn out."

"I miss him loads," said Rouge softly. "I miss everyone. I bet you do too. Even Sonic and Silver."

"Heck no."

"You just go on denying it," grinned Rouge.

"And you can't stand to be away from Knuckles much longer, hmmm?"

"More like the Master Emerald," Rouge laughed. But she soon sobered. "Maybe it's time to go home."

"Yeah, the old bike won't take much more wear and tear anyway," sighed Shadow. "I guess we'd better head back to New York and cash in those reserved plane tickets. We should probably go straight there, before our ride crumbles to dust."

"How about just one more landmark, just to finish this trip off?"

"Oh, it'll finish it off all right," groaned Shadow, but nodded. "Okay. One more."

While they were in Texas, they heard about a bridge that had tons and tons of bats living under it.

"We should go see that," said Shadow. "I got to meet my hedgehog in-laws back at that mall. You should meet your bat in-laws under that bridge."

"Bats don't have in-laws, we only have outlaws," said Rouge. "And I couldn't care less about seeing them. Earth bats are terrible."

"Is that so?"

"And if you say 'only Earth bats?', I swear I'll punch you!"

"You said it, not me," said Shadow innocently. Rouge punched his shoulder anyway.

At any rate, they went to see the bats. They were a little disappointed when they found that they couldn't actually go under the bridge; visitors weren't permitted there because they might disturb the delicate creatures. Still, the two Mobians hung around and waited for evening to fall, so they could see the huge exodus of bats leaving for their evening meal.

"This is interesting stuff," remarked Shadow, reading a pamphlet about bats.

"Blech," muttered Rouge.

A crowd gathered as evening drew closer. The Mobians waited among all the humans, Rouge twiddling her thumbs and fidgeting slightly. Suddenly there was a whoop from one of the onlookers.

"Here they come!"

Sure enough, a small stream of dark, fluttering shapes began to trickle out from under the bridge. The stream grew and grew slowly, as the crowd oohed and ahhed. Rouge, however, had gone very stiff.

"Okay, we've seen it. Let's get going," she said carelessly.

"It's only just started," replied Shadow. "It shouldn't take too long. Let's see it till the end."

"No, it'll all be the same all over. Let's just go!"

Shadow tore his gaze away from the little dark bats in the sky long enough to look disbelievingly at the larger white bat next to him.

"What's with you?"

"Nothing! Just—just bored."

"Oh, relax and enjoy it," said Shadow. "It's our last landmark! You can sit still for ten minutes, can't you?"

"Come on, let's _go!_"

"Just a few minutes, Rouge," said Shadow, stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her in place. "You'll like it."

"Okay, okay, so I'm scared! I don't like Earth bats!"

"They won't hurt you. They're your relatives."

"I don't care! I hate 'em! They'll fly down here and attack us and get into my hair!"

"There already is a bat in your hair."

"YEEP!"

"You."

Rouge blinked, then drove her elbow hard into Shadow's chest.

"You jerk!" she barked. Shadow only chuckled.

"I promise they won't hurt you, Rouge. It's a myth, bats don't really fly into your hair. I read it in the pamphlet."

"But I still don't like them!"

"Well then, consider this revenge for doing everything within your power to annoy me all throughout this trip."

"But—"

"You know, all those times you kept talking or singing even when I asked you to stop? All those times you teased me about my driving or about crashing the motorcycle on purpose?"

"_Shads!_"

"Also, it's revenge for all the trouble at the mall. And the Dairy Queen. And the vehicle parade. And Disneyland. And the doctor's office. And St. Louis. And the drive-in movie theater. And that facefull of water I got back at the pharmacy. You've been getting me into embarrassing situations all throughout this trip, Rouge, winning every bet, and getting the last laugh every time. My turn now, huh?"

"No way!" growled Rouge. She was struggling so hard that Shadow took pity and let her go.

"Come on, you can't really be _that_ scared."

"I don't care either way! I swear I'll go to New York without you."

"Well, you can wait in the lot if you want," shrugged Shadow, turning back to the still-increasing stream of bats. Rouge didn't waste any more time; she shot back to the parking lot.

When the last of the bats had flown away, Shadow returned to the dark parking lot. The Harley-Davidson was still there—so much for that threat. However, Rouge was nowhere to be found.

"Hey Rouge, time to leave!" called Shadow, looking around. She was probably hiding under a car or something. Geez, if he'd known she was that scared, he'd have let her leave sooner. It wasn't like Rouge to get freaked out enough to hide from anything.

Only she wasn't hiding . . . He suddenly realized that her bag and poncho were gone too. He looked closer and saw that there were a few dollar bills stacked under a rock on the motorcycle's seat. And a note.

"Left you a little more than half, since you have to buy gas," it read tersely. "And your voucher for the return ticket."

Shadow blinked and looked around again.

"Rouge?" he called again. "If you're hiding around here pretending to have left, I'm onto you!"

No reply. He skated out to the entrance of the parking lot and looked up and down the road. No sign of Rouge, and she couldn't have walked or flown out of sight in that short an amount of time. With her bright white fur, she'd easily show up in the nighttime light. So she must still be in the parking lot . . .

He waited impatiently as all the other cars left. Now there was no place for Rouge to hide, but she still wasn't there. Where in the world had she disappeared off to?

Shadow slapped his forehead suddenly. Hitchhiking. She couldn't be _hitchhiking_, could she?

The more he thought about it, the more it seemed the only logical explanation. How else could she have disappeared so thoroughly, so fast? Darn, darn, and a thousand crimson curses; he hadn't meant for it to go _that_ far. Of course, he had no doubt that she could look after herself. No doubt she could get to New York perfectly well, turn in her own ticket voucher, and get back to Mobius, all on her own. He wasn't sure if hitchhiking was even legal, and it certainly wasn't safe, but Rouge could definitely make it, no doubt.

Okay . . . maybe a _little_ doubt.

There was nothing to be done, though. Shadow took a last look around, started up the motorcycle, and headed out to New York City.

Traveling alone was nice. It was quiet, there were no arguments about where to stop and when and what to eat, and nobody complained about his driving. Still, he kept an eye out, just in case he happened to catch up to Rouge. Just to check if she was safe.

However, as he traveled northeast for days, he didn't see her anywhere, not even once. Where in the world had she managed to hide herself? She couldn't be that far ahead . . . Maybe, since she was hitchhiking, her path was a bit more roundabout, because people weren't going _exactly_ in the direction she wanted. Maybe.

One night, as Shadow drove through Georgia, it grew rainy. He stopped to put on his poncho and kept going, but the hood kept blowing off his head when he tried to speed up. He was getting soaked, and he needed to stop for some sleep anyway. Finding a highway overpass, he tucked the motorcycle away at the edge of the road and clambered underneath.

To his surprise, a small green figure was huddled underneath the overpass already, half-sitting, half-lying against the sloping side. Evidently asleep. A homeless person? A rather small one?

Nope. A pair of white ears suddenly twitched out from under the poncho's hood.

Shadow leaned one hand against the overpass's support pillar and blew his breath out wearily. Well, she was still all right. Good to know. He turned back to the motorcycle, figuring he'd find somewhere else to sleep.

The rain was getting even worse; it was now a truly horrific storm. Geez, they weren't kidding when they sang about those rainy nights in Georgia. This kind of road would be dangerous even for a four-wheel drive with brand-new tires; for a tiny little motorcycle, with tires stripped to the wire casing . . . ugh. No. Besides . . . it was sure as heck not safe sleeping beneath an overpass alone.

Sighing, he sat down a few feet away from Rouge and eyed her uneasily. She was asleep all right; her breath rose and fell gently. Her poncho and the fur on her head were soaking wet, so she must have come here only a little while ago. Probably too exhausted to find a safer place to rest, too. Poor thing. Dang, she actually managed to look . . . kind of innocent when she was asleep. How in the world did she pull that off?

Sighing again, Shadow leaned back against the slanting wall and shut his eyes. He opened them again very quickly when, by some miracle, Rouge managed to roll against him in her sleep. Her arm flopped over him and took hold. Oh, _wonderful_.

"Rouge," he hissed. "Get off!"

He pried at her arm annoyedly, but she didn't budge. Apparently she could sense through her sleep that she had found a source of warmth. Shadow was about to wake her, then very quickly thought better of it. Heaven _forbid_. Not before he disentangled himself.

But then again, she didn't seem about to let go. And . . .

What the heck. He couldn't leave her now. Not when it was his fault she'd left in the first place. Not when the alternative was letting her hitchhike all over creation and sleep alone under overpasses. If something happened to her . . . well, it wouldn't be good. That's all. What would he tell Omega and all the others?

Not like Rouge would go for that plan, though. Knowing her, she was probably still mad, and she'd probably complain the next morning. She'd probably want to go on by herself, and there'd be another row, and things would be tense and snappish all the way to New York. And it had been so nice and quiet . . . oh well. Bat one, hedgehog zero. _Again_.

Sighing one last time, Shadow flopped back against the wall and brushed a lock of damp hair away from Rouge's face.

"Troublemaker . . . " he murmured, smiling.


End file.
